Bathroom Attendants, Sled Dogs, and Living In My Car

Dear Readers,

It's another day, and I've found more things I feel the need to share with you.  All of which, I'm sure you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.


I have come to a decision and I want to share it with the world.  So for the many many readers of this mess of a blog...I would like to inform you of my decision and have an open dialog of discussion.


I've decided I need to move out of my apartment.  Mainly due to the fact that they keep raising my rent and it's now to a level that is completely ridiculous.  


For what I pay, I should have:

• My own personal Butler.
• A Valet to park my car.
• A Chef.
• A Shoe-Shiner.
• And a Bathroom Attendant.

**Side note:  How great/awkward would it be to have your own bathroom attendant??  I mean...Would you have to tip them every time??  Or would it be included in your rent??

When I moved into this place about two years ago I was under the impression that this would be a short term thing.  At the time, my Former Domestic Partner and I decided to take a break and separate.  The plan was to have a trial separation, reunite the magic, and then I'd move back into our shared residence.

Two days into moving out I realized that this was not going to happen.  My once temporary situation, turned into the real deal.

Which worked out perfectly.  Because during my irrationality and delusion I picked the most expensive place in town to live.

My criteria for determining a residence in my state of despair was:
1) If it had a Pool.
2) If it was close to Target.
3) And if I could have large sized dogs.  (At the time I had an Alaskan Malamute and a Siberian Husky).

Evidence of large sized dogs...

 It's not like they are destructive or anything...So I don't see why apartment complexes don't allow you to have gigantic sized sled dogs??  Makes no sense if you ask me.

Turns out, there aren't very many places that allow you to lived in a confined space with two sled dogs.  How weird is that??

**Side note:  How great was Paul Walker in "Eight Below"??  Man, that is a great movie.  That Paul Walker can act.  Three words:  FAST AND FURIOUS.  Actually, the dude is kind of cute.  I'd pretty much watch him in anything he did.  He could do a Sham Wow infomercial and I'd DVR the thing and watch it twice.  I'd probably buy a couple of Sham Wows while I was at it.  My main point is that:  I love dogs and Paul Walker is a babe.

Where was I going with this??  Oh yeah...

So my main criteria (at the time of delusion) was:  a pool, proximity to Target, and if they'd let me have two sled dogs in a 600 square foot apartment.

I was only going to be at the apartment for a couple weeks anyway.  Once my Former Domestic Partner realized the error of his ways, I'd move back.  So it didn't matter that it was ridiculously expensive.


Two years later...

I'm still here.

My rent has been raised several times.  However, nothing has been changed.  I think if you are going to raise my rent I should get cool new stuff in my apartment...Like my own hot tub, or a steam room, or my own personal home theater (including a popcorn and or snow cone machine)...SOMETHING.  At least some new window treatments (these things are hideous).  Alas, nothing has been changed or updated.   In fact, I think this place has gotten worse.  That might be because of me inhabiting the place for a couple years...However, I like to think that's not the case.

So it has been decided by my committee of financial advisers (myself), that I shall move out of my overpriced apartment and into something more reasonable.  Once "My Saturday Situation" has been resolved that is (aka I become gainfully employed).  Turns out, apartment complexes also do not allow persons who are waking up to nothing but straight up Saturdays to sign a lease.  I guess they want to make sure that there is a way that the renter can actually pay their rent. It seems silly to me, but the rules are the rules.  I've also been tossing the idea of getting/becoming a roommate.  However, I haven't lived with another actual human being in these past two years and I am uncertain how awesome of a roommate I'd be.  Evidence of my uncertain-roommate-awesome-qualities can be found at this blog post:  "Dog Roommates, Big Pun, and My Closet".

My hopes for today's blog post is to get some open dialog around my living situation.  I'm open to any and all ideas folks.  The only thing I ask is that your ideas don't consist of telling me:  TO LIVE IN MY CAR.  Not that I'm above living in my car or anything.  Because I totally would.  It's paid for and it has a good sound system.  However, I've tried sleeping in the back of that thing and it's just not comfortable.  I also don't know where I'd put my TV at.


Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• Paul Walker is a great actor and "Eight Below" should have won several awards.
• Sled dogs make for good apartment dwellers. 
• I'd live in my car if I could figure out a way to plug in my hot rollers.

So, I Ask You:
Do you or do you not tip your own bathroom attendant??  Or should that be something that is included in your rent??  Do you think "Eight Below" is highly under-rated??  What are your feelings on Paul Walker??  Would you watch a Sham Wow infomercial if he was in it??  And finally...Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do about my apartment situation??



Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley


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