These Are My Confessions: In The Form of a Song by Usher

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share with you something that you didn't ever think you would want to know.  Today, a beautiful song by the Grammy award winning artist Usher has been turned into a personal confession by yours truly.

Side Note:  Yesterday I tweeted Usher to tell him that his cologne "UR" is the bomb.  I got it for my boo for Christmas.  I'm telling you...this stuff is amazing.  If you don't believe me, go and sniff it for yourself.  You should be buying this stuff by the gallons.  If I could shower in it, I would.    

At any rate, after my tweet yesterday I was inspired to do a remix of Usher's "Confessions Part II" song.


(**If you aren't familiar with the song/lyrics just play the YouTube video below.)

"Confessions Part II"

Watch this...

Read this

[Chorus:]

These are my confessions 

These are my confessions

Just when I thought I said all I could say

Just when I blogged all I thought I could say

My chick on the side said she got one on the way

I was reminded of this song and decided to confess some stuff.  I don’t have a chick on the side.  Therefore, one is not on the way.

These are my confessions

But I’m still going to confess some stuff.

Man I'm thrown and I don't know what to do

Man I’m grown and sometimes I still don't know what to do.

I guess I gotta give part 2 of my confessions

I guess I gotta write some more stuff and confess things.

If I'm gonna tell it then I gotta tell it all

If I’m gonna tell a bunch of awkward stuff to my readers, then I might as well tell it all.

Damn near cried when I got that phone call

Sometimes, I want to cry when I get phone calls.  From my mom.  She calls often.

I'm so throwed and I don't know what to do 

I'm so awkward and I would like to share it with you.

But to give you part 2 of my confessions

It’s actually part one of my confessions.

[Verse 1]

Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do

This is definitely not the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.  Hardest thing I ever had to do was pull a hair wad/baby out of a clogged shower drain.  No one ever sings about that.  Weird. 

Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you

I talk to myself a lot.  I live alone.  Who else am I going to talk to?

'bout that chick on part 1 I told ya'll I was creepin' with, creepin' with

I’ve never crept in my life.  I’ve never had a shorty on the side.  I’m a serial monogamist. 

Said she's 3 months pregnant and she's keepin' it

 Do you know who is actually pregnant?  Beyonce and Jessica Simpson. 

The first thing that came to mind was you

The first thing that comes to my mind in the morning is getting after some grub.  I turn into a total grouch if I don’t eat in the AM. 

Second thing was how do I know if it's mine and is it true

Second thing I do in the am is read the news.  And by news I mean blogs. 

Third thing was me wishin' that I never did what I did

Third thing I do is give myself a major pep talk. (**Please refer to the blog post "Stuff I Do to Get the Stinkin Out of My Thinkin") 

How I ain't ready for no kid and bye bye to our relationship

I do someday want to have children.  Not right at the moment.  Either way, it’s not going to change anything in my relationship at this current time.

[Chorus]

[Verse 2]

Sittin here stuck on stupid, tryna figure out

I definitely am trying to figure a bunch of stuff out.  Things such as:  What color high lites should I get?  What should I wear on New Years Eve?  Is blue eyeshadow for me?  Do I need a puppy?  I wonder how high I could jump in the air with a pogo stick?  I wonder if they still even sell those things?  They seems like a safety hazard…

When, what, and how I'mma let this come out of my mouth

I never worry about what I am going to say.  I just ramble on and on.

Said it ain't gon' be easy

Nothing is easy.  If it was we’d all be doing it.

But I need to stop thinkin', contemplatin'

I really do need to stop thinkin and contemplatin eating some delicious baked goods right now.  Not something I should be doing if I want to fit in my pants.

Be a man and get it over with (over with)

I can’t be a man.  Well not without surgery.  So, this line doesn’t apply to me.

I'm ridin' in my whip

Lately, I’ve been riding in my boo’s whip.  Which is a Prius.  I highly recommend one.  Additionally, and I know Usher will appreciate this…they have wicked sound system.

Racin' to her place

I haven’t raced to any place in years.  (**Please refer to the blog post "That One Time I Registered for a Marathon.)

Talkin' to myself

I’ve already mentioned how I talk to myself often.

Preparin' to tell her to her face

Face to face communication is the most effective form in my opinion.  Especially, if you are going to tell someone you’re having a baby with someone that is not her. 

She open up the door and didn't want to come near me

Well I wouldn’t want to come near you either.  Not really a “hugging” situation.  I can’t believe she opened the door.  I wouldn't have.

I said "one second baby please hear me"

This is going to take more than one second.  She's not a hot pocket.  You can't just put her in the microwave for a couple of minutes and it's done.  This is going to take some time to explain.  If this were my boo he'd be explaining for A WHILE.  A LONG WHILE.  

[Chorus]

[Breakdown]

This by far is the hardest thing I think I've ever had to do

Writing this blog post is not the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.  Dealing with the above mentioned hair-baby in the shower drain was.

To tell you, the woman I love

I tell my lover a lot of stuff.  He’s super lucky.

That I'm having a baby by a woman that I barely even know

I am not having a baby by a woman that I barely even know.  Physically impossible due to the fact that I myself am a woman.  Unless I was a surrogate.  

I hope you can accept the fact that I'm man enough to tell you this

I hope you readers can accept the fact that I’m woman enough to tell you that this blog is a mess.

And hopefully you'll give me another chance

And hopefully you all will give me another chance.

This ain't about my career

This isn’t my career.  However, if blogging was my career I'd love it.  Fact is:  I can't pay my bills with "hugs"...And believe me...I've tried. 

This ain't about my life

This actually is ALL ABOUT MY LIFE.  Mainly stories of awkwardness other observations.

It's about us

It is about us.  It's about this blog and your eyes.  Together.  Reading.  

Please

Please read my next blog post.

[Chorus]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's Reflect, What Did We Learn:

• I successfully turned a perfectly good song into a train wreck...to the tune of my own personal confession.
• Beyonce and Jessica Simpson are pregnant.  I am not.
• Hugs don't pay the bills.  

So, I Ask You?

Do you think I turned this song into a travesty??  Are removing wads of hair babies from your shower the hardest thing you have had to do??  Do you believe that "hugs" should be turned into an international form of currency that could eventually replace money as we know it??

Forever, Turning Songs Into Lyrical Masterpieces,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are Welcome & No Judgement Shall Ever be Passed.

 **As with Everything I Write, Feel Free to Share.  Sharing is Caring.

 **Should you wish to read more profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

A Christmas Story of Inappropriate Awkwardness

Dear Readers,

As you know...Christmas is over.  It's been over for a couple of days.  I wanted to re-cap some things that occurred over the holiday that I thought you should know.  As always, these are things you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.  In addition, these things I will be sharing are awkward.

There were a couple of inappropriate occurrences over Christmas that naturally, I feel the need to share.  Off the top of my head, I can think of three entirely inappropriate things that happened.

The First Story of Christmas Inappropriate Awkwardness:

In order to know the complete extent of the first inappropriate occurrence I must go back a couple of weeks:  A couple of weeks ago I was extremely busy finishing up my first semester of grad school.  The first two weeks of December were a blur...I had a bunch of finals and several papers due.  I take school very seriously and had all A's going into my finals.  I wanted to finish strong.  I took the responsible option and decided not to jack around and get down to business.  Getting down to business meant not taking my mom's 10 daily phone calls.

I love my mom.  I do.  She loves me too.  So much so, that she calls approximately 10 times a day.  If you don't answer the first call you are in trouble.  She won't stop calling until you pick up. Recently she's figured out how to text and so in addition the the calls, she sends these cryptic text messages saying:  "CALL ME NOW".  I always call her back after getting one of her "CALL ME NOW" text messages...I'm always worried that something bad has happened and it's an emergency.  Why else would someone text "CALL ME NOW" unless it was an emergency?!

Never once has it been an emergency.  95% of the time when I call her back after her texts she says "So, what are you doing??"  She doesn't even have anything to tell me.  Just wants to know what I'm doing.  So during finals week I text her back, explaining that I was busy, and if it was an emergency to let me know.

Since there was in fact, no emergency this resulted in me not talking to my mom for approximately ten days.  Was I mad at her?? NO.  All I wanted to do was to focus on the task at hand and finish up the semester.

When my finals were over, I gave her a call. Naturally, she was livid.  She had taken personal offense to my choice of studying over yip yapping with her about nonsense chit-chat-ical stuff.

I do what any good daughter does...I apologize.

Once I was done with the whole "I'm sorry" thing she gives me a run down of what she bought for my boyfriend for Christmas.

Our conversation went a little like this:
Mom:  I need answers.
Me:  Answers to what?
Mom:  I need to know why my daughter has not spoken to me since December 1st.
Me:  Mom, I told you I was studying for finals.
Mom:  That answer isn't acceptable.
Me:  Ok, I'm sorry.
Mom:  starts crying
Me:  Mom, seriously are you ok?
Mom:  No, I AM NOT OK.  I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM MY DAUGHTER FOR 10 DAYS AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF SHE WAS DEAD OR IF SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED TO HER.
Me:  Mom, I texted you and told you I was ok and that I was just busy studying.
Mom:  Well, I just didn't know if you were ok.
*****It goes on like this for another 5-10 minutes...You get my point.*****
Mom:  I got Felix* (my boo...*also not his real name...) a bracelet.
Me:  a WHAT??!
Mom:  I got him a bracelet.
Me:  Why would you get him a bracelet?!
Mom:  Well, you didn't answer your phone.  So I got him a bracelet.
Me:  Ok, so if I don't answer my phone you automatically get my boyfriend, whom you've never met, a bracelet??
Mom:  Yes.

So, my mom got my boo a bracelet.  As stated in the rundown of our conversation, she hadn't met him yet.  So the first time my mom was to meet the love of my life...She was going to give him a bracelet.

I called my brother and told him the news.  His response:  "Well it's mom, what do you expect?"

TOUCHE.

Anyway, so for the week leading up to Christmas, I knew for a fact that my mother had purchased a bracelet for my boyfriend for Christmas.  In the past, in former relationships, knowing something like this would have bothered me.  It would have bothered me so much, that I would have bought the bracelet FROM her, just so she wouldn't give it to him, and get him basically ANYTHING else.  Seriously, I would have given her "Hush Money"  just not to go through with it.

But, instead of being mortified by the thought of him opening a bracelet from my mom on our first Christmas together...I embraced it.  I actually looked forward to it.  I did tell him that his present was going to be super awkward though.  He then wanted to know what it was that he was going to get.  I wouldn't tell him.  I wanted to see how he reacted.  I wanted to see the look of amazement on his little face when he opened it.

So at any rate, he gets a bracelet for Christmas.  He thanks my mom and wears the thing for the next couple of days.  I actually love that this is what my mom got him.  It was just my mom being herself and doing what she does...Which leads me in the next story of Christmas awkwardness...

The Second Story of Inappropriate Awkwardness at Christmas:

Mom got me some great gifts this year.  Thank you mom (she reads this blog religiously).  One of the gifts she gave me was the gift of lingerie.  Which is fine.  Except I opened this gift without warning...IN FRONT OF MY BROTHERS.  Normally, my mom will give me a heads up if it is something that shouldn't be opened in front of the entire family.  Another one of her gifts was wrapped up in a Victoria's Secret bag...so I opened that one slow...But it was just some lotion, so it was no big deal.  The lingerie was just wrapped up like any other present.  And therefore, I opened it up like any other gift.

So I pull out this purple teddy (the lingerie) and look at Jack* (my brother...*not his real name) and he just screams out "SICK!!!!"  (And not like the rap/hip hop "Sick" either...like "Sick" as in barf).

So to ease the awkward tension in the air, I joke and say "Should I try it on and see if it fits??"  Again, my brother screams out "Sick!!"


The Third and Final Story of Inappropriate Christmas Awkwardness Comes From My Boo:

We were at my boyfriend's parents house getting ready to eat.  His family likes to do toasts and go around the table and state our feelings.  I love it.  His step dad is very sentimental and the whole thing is super endearing.  Well, my boo, Felix* also likes to do toasts and naturally had something he wanted to share with the family.

Here is my boo's toast:
"We have some good news to share.... (his mom looks over at us like he's going to tell the family we're getting married or something....).....Miss Oakley just got her pap smear back and everything looks good."

I look at him, shake my head, and say "Why?"

Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned?:

• Apparently, my family likes to make Christmas awkward.
• My boo, also likes to make Christmas awkward.
• Christmas is Awkward.

So, I Ask You:

Do you feel like the holidays bring out the inappropriate awkwardness in your family as well??  If so, stories are encouraged.  

**If you enjoy stories of awkwardness, I encourage you to read ANY OF MY OTHER blog posts. Examples:  
"I Am Ill, I Eat Out of My Trash Can, and I'm Probably a Raccoon"
"Halloween = No  Pants"
"The Professor: Otherwise Known As The Worst Date of My Life". 

Forever, Blogging About Awkward Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know In The First Place,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are Welcome & No Judgement Shall Ever be Passed.

 **As with Everything I Write, Feel Free to Share.  Sharing is Caring.

 **Should you wish to read more profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers.  So consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery.  Except minus the money part.

The Worst Gift Ever Can Also Be A Christmas Miracle

Dear Readers,

I would like to share with you a story of Christmas past.  As usual, this is a story you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.

The year was:  2008.

My haircut was:  A travesty.  (I had been the recipient of what could only be called a "Hate Crime" by my former hair stylist.  I didn't press charges.  However, I did find a better stylist.)

Snow was on the ground and deer were frolicking in my yard.  In the background Frank Sinatra was crooning about how he wants it to snow.  You know...Christmas stuff.

This story is about the magic of Christmas.

I need to go back further for you to fully appreciate this story in its entirety.  2008 was kind of a big year for me.  One of my best friends got married...Which led to me delusionally thinking that somehow that meant I too would soon be getting married.  

For the above stated reasons combined with additional ideas of lunancy I had determined that 2008 was going to be "THE YEAR".  And for all you out there that don't know what "The Year" is...I shall explain it to you.

"The Year" Explained: 
"The Year" is when a woman (also could be a man/groomzilla) gets it into their heads that it is now time for their partner to marry them.  This usually occurs after dating said partner for a period of time.  In my case that period of time was 6 years.  


"The Year" also means that you tell all of your friends and family that "IT" is happening.  By "IT" I mean, marriage.  Naturally, since I am a rule follower of all things pertaining to "The Year":  I told all my friends and family.  As well as most of my co-workers, cashiers at Target, complete strangers...Anyone that would or had to listen to me.  


Ok, so 2008 was "The Year".  I was CONVINCED that a proposal would be happening on Christmas day.  Not just semi-convinced either.  ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED.  I was 100% sure.  He'd been acting weird for a while and I knew something was up.

The night before (sometimes referred to as "Christmas Eve") I could hardly sleep.  I was like a 5 year old waiting for Santa.  Only this time Santa was a ring that I had been waiting for the past six years.

As it turns out, 2008 was in fact, NOT "The Year".

NOT "The Year" Explained:
What I woke up to that year was not a gift wrapped up in a little box.  I received a gift wrapped in a jumbo box of sadness.

In this jumbo box of tears contained:  A WAFFLE IRON.

So, instead of a ring he decided to go for a waffle maker instead.  Close??

Not close.  Very far.  So far in fact that when I opened my "gift" I was at a loss.  I think I blacked out and went to my happy place for a while (which happens to be a beach on Maui...)  Once I came back from my "Vacation of Devastation" I realized what had happened.

What Happened Explained:
What had happened was that my Former Domestic Partner of six years decided to express his love of my by buying a kitchen appliance.

It was by far, in the history of our relationship...His greatest offense ever.

The Greatest Offense Ever Explained:
The reason the "gift" was so offensive was that he had previously banned me from the kitchen.  Like an actual BAN.  That could result is some sort of citation and followed by a "Citizen's Arrest".  At some point in our relationship he had decided that I was not the world's best cook and therefore, should never do so.  I was told this repeatedly.  I was told this so much so that I knew for a fact he would never EVER get me anything that had to do with a kitchen.  Not even a dish towel.

So when I got the "gift" of a waffle iron/jumbo box of sadness I KNEW.  It was over.  For verification of the expiration of our union I then had a conversation with the Former Domestic Partner (FDP).

Summary of Our Conversation:
Me:  No words (remember I blacked out and was in Maui for a while...)
Me:  Still no words.  I stood there and shook my head for probably another 5 minutes.  Speechless.
Me:  Turned on the Waterworks/tears.
Me:  "You hate me don't you?"
FDP:  "No, why would you say that??"
Me:  "Uh, because you just got me a waffle iron for me for Christmas."
FDP:  "What?  I thought you'd like it?"
Me:  "I'm not even allowed in the kitchen.  Per your rules."
FDP:  "So?"
Me:  "So...You hate me.  Seriously, why?  What did I do to you??"
FDP:  "I don't know why you're so upset."
Me:  "Well...I'm upset because YOU GOT ME A WAFFLE MAKER!!"
FDP:  "What?  You don't like it??"
Me:  "No, I don't like you.  You walked into the store and picked up the first thing you saw.  Which apparently was a waffle maker.  You probably got this yesterday."
FDP:  "No, I went to the store and WANTED to get a waffle maker.  I researched them and everything.  This is the best one they make."
Me:  "Even worse.  This was premeditated.  You actually planned this out.  You planned to give your girlfriend of six years a waffle maker.  Knowing fully that she isn't allowed in the kitchen."
FTP:  "I don't think you understand what a great waffle maker this is.  I'm going to go out and get you some waffle mix and we'll make a bunch of waffles all day."
FTP:  Leaves for several hours in search of waffle mix on Christmas day.


What I Did While He Was Out Looking For Waffle Mix Explained:
What I did was cry.  Not a regular cry.  It was more like weeping than anything.  It was my biggest fear realized.  This dude was never going to marry me.

Naturally, I called my mom.  Her words first words were "SEND ME A PIC!  I WANT TO SEE THE RING!!"  She then realizes I'm crying...but not from joy.  I then explain to her what happened.

**See since this was "The Year" I had told all my friends and family I'd call them on Christmas to share the good news.  So since I'm a lady of my word...I called them all.  But not with good news.

Eventually he came back with the waffle mix but I don't remember if we made waffles or not.  Let's just say that we did.  We made some delicious waffles.  With my new waffle maker.  He put the ring in a waffle.  Not really...but that would make a better story than how Christmas of 2008 ended.


The Ending of Christmas 2008:
At the end of the day I decided that was it.  Game over.  The moment I opened that box I KNEW.  He and I were not meant to be.  This was not going to be "The Year".  The reason he had been acting so weird was not because he was going to propose...But because he bought me a waffle iron.  (Let's be honest...We ALL would probably act weird if that was our game plan for our significant other...)

My Thoughts on Christmas 2008:

As I reflect back on the situation of '08 I'm glad he got me that dumb thing.  Had his gift not been entirely offensive I would have probably not realized for a couple more years what I needed to do.  I could be getting a mixer or a crock pot or something this year.  Who knows.


I'm not mad, or upset, or anything.  I'm grateful that it happened.  I consider it a miracle.  A Christmas miracle if you will.  So to make my short story long:  This is the story of how "The Worst Gift Ever Can Also Be A Christmas Miracle."

P.S. I'm actually looking at the waffle iron right now and getting hungry....

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• I had a bad haircut in 2008.
• I also thought 2008 was "The Year".
• Don't ever get your domestic partner a waffle iron (unless that's what he/she actually wants).
• I now wish Iowa had a "Waffle House".

So, I Ask You:

What was your worst gift ever??  Do you like waffles??   Do you live near a Waffle House??  If so...I'm jealous.  

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know In The First Place,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Kobe Bryant, NBA Marriages, and Why I Never Married a Baller

Dear Readers,

Kobe and Vanessa Bryant

I'm sharing stuff you need to know.  In this case, it's probably something you already knew.  It's a couple of days after the fact...but whatever, it's still relevant...

If you should happen to have a little thing called:
The Internet...
Cable TV...
Facebook...
Twitter...
Even a subscription to your local newspaper...
You now know that Kobe Bryant's wife has filed for a divorce.

If For Some Reason You've Lived Under a Rock For The Past Decade:
Kobe plays for the Los Angeles Lakers and is probably one of the NBA's best players of all time.   I KNOW I'M GOING TO GET FAN UN-MAIL FOR THIS ONE...But it's true.  

Let's get one thing straight:  In my opinion Michael Jordan is the all time best NBA player.

Michael Jordan, aka, the best basketball player ever (in my opinion)

However, my opinion is biased because I grew up around Chicago in the 90's.  And I have owned a pair of Jordans (shoes).  And back in the day I used to play basketball.  At the same time Jordan did.  So I will forever have a bond with Michael Jordan and will stay true to him until the end of time.  (And now ends my rant for my love of Jordan.)

Jordans- 1997

Ok, I'm not totally done with my MJ rant...I want to point out that I owned these shoes--->     over here on the right.  I think they were 1997 Jordans??  Whatever, I remember tailgating the mall to get in line for these things and I bought a pair that WEREN'T EVEN IN MY SIZE just so I could have them.  They were like $150 or something.  And $150 in 1997 is like $1,000 now (Ok, I'm not the best at math and my conversion is probably way off).  But it was A LOT at the time for a high school kid to be buying with her own money.  At any rate kids...Michael Jordan was a big deal and you need to recognize that.  I don't even know if Kobe has shoes.  I'm sure he does.  But I'm a grown adult now and have no need for high top tennis shoes.  So I have no idea.  

I'm Not a Kobe Fan:
Never have been one.  I'm just going off of public opinion.  The guy makes tons of money...So it doesn't matter if he is or isn't one of the best players ever...He's getting paid like he is.


**Mainly, I'm not a Kobe fan because my loyalties remain with Michael Jordan...

How Am I Qualified To Talk About The Subject Of Sports?:
IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM AM I A SPORTS ANALYST.  However, what I am an analyst of is pop culture and all things celebrity related.  I've talked before how celebrity news is my little secret.  (**For more on my secret love affair for all things celebrity related:  Read this blog post: "There's Something I Need To Confess".)

Ok back to how you should take into serious consideration my knowledge of:  How-Athletes-Are-Sometimes-Celebrities-And-By-Being-A-Celebrity-I-Am-A-Credible-And-Reliable-Source-Of-Information...
A lot of times sports athletes are also celebrities.  Or if they aren't already a celebrity themselves sometimes they marry a celebrity (Example:  Kris Humphries and Kim Kardashian).  By marrying a celebrity they therefore turn into one.  Seriously, who knew who Kris Humphries was before he married a Kardashian??  No one.  And because I know for a fact I have entirely too much knowledge of the inner workings of all things celebrity related...You should pretty much hear me out.  


For example: (Not to show off or anything) Off the top of my head I can think of several celebrity/NBA marriages that are no longer.  (No research...this is just me pulling out very important information that I have at my disposal...and thereby should give me credibility of my awesome celebrity knowledge.)


My List of Celebrities/NBA Players Marriages That Are No Longer:

• Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
• Eva Longoria and Tony Parker
• Michael Jordan and his ex Jaunita Vanoy
• Jason Kidd and Joumana Kidd
• Dennis Rodman and Carmen Electra
• Rick Fox and Vanessa Williams
• Shaq and Shaunie O'Neal

And this is just the NBA we're talking about...I'm not even getting into other sports...If I did we could be at this ALL DAY.

Alright, back to the situation at hand...After ten and a half years of marriage it's over for Kobe and Vanessa Bryant.

The genius part is that per California law...a spouse gets half:  IF THE MARRIAGE IS OVER TEN YEARS.

She filed right at ten and a half years.

And there was no pre-nup  

Kobe's estimated net worth is $200 million dollars.  The dude made $24.8 million dollars this year.

His soon to be ex wife stood by him for over a decade...through the scandal in 2003...And I'm fairly certain she knew about some of his other ladies on the side.  It's either crazy or genius.  Probably a little of both.

It is in my opinion that she is a genius.  Or has an adviser that is a genius.  Which would make her a genius by association.

There's A Lot Of Reasons I Never Married An NBA Baller:

• **INSERT ANY STORY YOU'VE EVER HEARD ABOUT AN NBA PLAYER'S MARRIAGE.
• I've never dated an NBA player...so that could also be a reason.
• My primary reason I could never marry an NBA Baller is:  I'd never put up with the cheating.  I couldn't sit back, knowing my boo was most likely cheating on me...for ten years...Even for $100 million.  So is SHE crazy?  Or am I crazy?  She's getting $100 million.

Sometimes I think we overlook just how hard these NBA wives work.  Did Vanessa Bryant have a full time job??  No.  Did she have to worry that her boo was cheating on her 24/7?? Yes.  Personally, I'd rather work full time.

Are all NBA marriages bad??  NO.  We just don't hear about the good ones.  Good stories don't sell.  No one wants to hear about the amazing marriage that an NBA player has, in addition to making millions and millions of dollars.  We don't want to hear that.  That doesn't make us feel better about ourselves.  So, as the general public we don't hear about the good.  Just the bad.  Sad sells.

I personally have never been married.  I've heard that it is hard.  Yet, I myself, do not know what it all entails.  So I cannot speak as to what marriage is and is not.  What I do know is that:  Life is hard.  Even without the whole NBA-marriage thing.  You throw a couple hundred million dollars into the marriage mix and you get a whole different set of worries.

Don't ever discount rap music for the prolific messages in their songs: The Notorious B.I.G. and Diddy were right:  More Money = More Problems.

And because this blog is based on happiness and positive energy...The point I'm trying to make is: I'm with Biggie and Diddy on this one:  More Money leads to More Problems.

Luckily, for most of us...We aren't faced with the choice of having to stay with our significant others in order to make millions.  We get to stay with our boo's because we want to. 

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• You marry an NBA player, have no pre-nup, live in California, stick with him for a decade...You're going to get paid.
• I had a pair of Jordans.  That I sold on ebay a couple of years ago for $100.  
• I love celebrity gossip and should go on a game show or something to bank on my knowledge of seemingly useless information. 

So, I Ask You:
What are your thoughts on this??  Would you stay for ten years??  Do you think Michael Jordan is the best basketball player of all time??  Do you think Mo Money means Mo Problems??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Already Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @Miss Oakley

HGTV, House Hunters, International Stuff, How the States Stack Up, and Half Birthdays

Dear Readers,
A lot is going on Internationally that I feel compelled to share.  Again, as always, this is stuff you never knew you wanted to know...with an International twist on it.

I've been watching a lot of HGTV lately...One of my favorite shows is: "House Hunters International."  I took it upon myself to dedicate my entire Saturday this past weekend to nothing but HGTV.  I watched so many "House Hunters" episodes that I felt like I went on a trip myself.  For those of you that don't watch "House Hunters" you are missing out.  That show is the bomb.

"House Hunters" Summary:
"House Hunters" is basically a show is about people that want to buy a home.  There are two versions of the show:  A U.S. version and the International version.  They are basically the same show, the difference being that one is in the U.S., the other outside the U.S.  The potential buyers hook up with a realtor in the area that they wish to buy in.  The realtor chooses three homes that best fit their budget and their wish list of things they would like in the home.  The show then showcases the three different homes.  At the end of the show, the potential buyer makes a decision:  House #1, House #2, or House #3...Before the decision is always a commercial break.  This is the point where I myself decide which home they should buy.  I review the high and low lights of the houses and by the end of the commericial, I have decided which home is the best choice...For THEM.  I am always aghast when I find out that they did not pick the same house that I picked for them.  I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what they need.  I mean, come on, I've known them for at least 22 minutes...that is time enough right??  Anyways, at the end of the show the producers come back and film the people in their new house.  This could be a couple weeks or a couple months later.  They usually come back when the house has been remodled/decorated somewhat.  I really like this part.  I am happiest when they not only pick the same house I picked for them...but also decorate their house the way I feel it should be decorated.


It's a great show.  HGTV is a great channel, I pretty much would recommend every single one of their shows.  (Another one of my favorites is "My First Place"...but that's a whole different blog post)...They used to have this show called "Small Space, Big Style" that I LOVED...but for some reason it hasn't been on in a while.  Anyway...I could go on and on about HGTV...However, I have other things to discuss with you...


Saturday was my HALF BIRTHDAY and I celebrated it the way I wanted to:  in my pj's, on my couch, watching my favorite show.  (P.S. If you don't celebrate your Half Birthday...I'm here to tell you that you should reconsider.)


"House Hunters International" got me thinking about the world.  After watching all of the shows on Saturday I felt like an International traveler.  By Sunday I was worn out and my passport needed a break...Nevermind, that I never left my couch...

As I was thinking of the world, naturally, I thought of my blog...When I started this blog I thought my primary audience would remain within the United States.  Mainly because my primary audience is:  my mom, a friend from high school, a couple of girl friends, a couple other friends that blog, my boo, at least one of my brothers, my grandma, and a couple people that accidently google the wrong thing.  

Color me SURPRISED when I found out that this blog is not only cherished by fellow U.S.citizens, but also those residing elsewhere in the world.

Here's a breakdown of countries, outside the United States that have read this mess:
The UK
The Netherlands
Finland
Sweden
Greece
Saudi Arabia
Mexico
Buenos Aires, Argentina
Serbia
Albania
Ontario, Canada
Sydney and Melbourne, Australia
Brazil
Denmark
The Czech Republic
Milan, Italy
Croatia
Paris, France
India
Germany
Russia
One of the Koreas
Trinidad & Tabago

Not to leave the U.S.A. out...Here's a breakdown of the states that read...and in order of most readers:
1.  Iowa (winning)
2.  Texas
3.  Illinois
4.  Minnesota
5.  California
6.  Colorado
7.  Nebraska
8.  Arizona
9.  New York
10. Washington
11. Missouri
12. South Carolina
13. North Carolina
14. Wisconsin
15. Florida
16. Arkansas
17. Vermont
18. Utah
19. Georgia
20. Pennsylvania
21. Virginia
22. Idaho
23. Tennessee
24. Kansas
25. Oklahoma
26. Indiana
27-50. Tie between:  All the rest of the states

I probably shouldn't share this info...But I also probably shouldn't share MOST of the info that I disclose in this blog.  So I thought why not??  No worries...If you should happen to read this thing, I don't know WHO you are.  As a "blogger" I only get reports on the city/state/country you are in.  I don't actually know who you are.  I actually wouldn't even consider myself a "blogger"...I'm more of a "rambler"...

And to continue my International ramblings...
A friend is in a photo contest on Facebook.  Click here to vote for her pic: "Oxford Circus, London".  You can vote every day until December 21st.  If she wins, you'll not only be a part of history...You'll also be sending her on a trip to Costa Rica.  (Same friend also has a blog.  You can read stories of her awesomeness over at Rambling Brooke.)

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• HGTV is the bomb.
• Other countries outside of the U.S. google things, that result in accidently coming across this blog.
• The state of Iowa is winning. 
• Half Birthdays should be celebrated.  And celebrated in sweat pants.

So, I Ask You:
Do you love watching HGTV??  If so, what's your favorite show??  Do you celebrate your Half Birthday??  


Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Cool Your Jets...I'm Back

Dear Readers,

My apologies for the brief hiatus.  I realize that worldwide, as loyal readers, you have been collectively holding your breath and waiting for a new blog post.  It's been about a week since I last posted and I'm pretty sure by now, the lack of posts has been deemed an international crisis.  I can't be certain...but there's probably a candlelight vigil going on right now somewhere in hopes of the return of this cherished and much loved blog...

Blow out your candles people.  And stop with all the fan mail...For I am back.

ANNOUNCEMENT:  I would like to formally announce the completion of my first semester of graduate school.  Everything is now turned in and completed.  I am now free to resume my responsibilities of enlightening our community as a whole with my stories of inspiration. So brace yourself for all of the insight to be shared. 

Minutes ago I finished a ten page paper of what I'm sure was some pretty amazing stuff.  Before that I took a four hour final...Which I cannot at this time bring myself to discuss...

For the past week I have been in full hermit mode and have neglected almost all basic forms of hygiene.  As I type this I am not only covered in despair...but a pile of pizza crumbs as well.  My outfit and my hair is a tragedy.  Additionally, earlier I noticed a smell being emitted from my apartment that was unidentifiable.    

This week I have been fueled by nothing but carbs and caffeine.  At one point today I contemplated proposing and marrying a latte.  Ultimately, I decided against it.  There wasn't enough time.  

I have a month break off of school...And there are so many things that I need to share with you.  Consider it my little holiday gift from me to you.  Except this is gift you didn't ask for.  And one without a receipt, so you can't return it.  Basically, I'm like that old aunt of yours that buys you really horrible  and sometimes awkward gifts.  

Below you will find a letter that I wrote to a future graduate Counseling student.  It's not witty, funny, or clever.  It's just a letter.  But it's my letter and I wanted to share.  

After I post this I am going to celebrate this momentous occasion...by taking a shower.

Oh, and Mom...I'll call you tomorrow.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Letter to a Future Graduate Student,                                              December 15, 2011

           

Hello, I am a current student in the Rehabilitation Counseling program.  I have just completed my first semester I am writing you this letter because I wanted to share with you some things that I have learned. 

First of all, be prepared to be vulnerable and open your mind up to new ideas and experiences.  I have done a lot of personal reflection this semester in order to determine what my personal weak points are, and therefore, my areas of opportunity.  I spent some time taking a hard look at who I was in order to identify what I need to work on.  During your first semester your view of yourself and of the world will undoubtedly change.  I now know myself better and know that I always need to keep working on myself as a person, in order to one day be a good counselor. 

Second of all, take a deep breath.  You can do this.  At times in your first semester you are going to feel overwhelmed and may question your decision to enter graduate school.  It is important to understand that your classmates most likely are feeling the same way.  Get to know who is in your class.  Talk to them and really get to know them as people, not just fellow students.  Just know that you are not alone in whatever you may be feeling.  If you are feeling one way, it is most likely that another one of your classmates feels the exact same way.

Thirdly, graduate school is going to be completely different than your undergraduate program.  The main difference is in regards to your course work.  In graduate school it is your job to try your best to thoroughly understand the material before you go to class.  The reason why is because most likely there is going to be a discussion around what you read and or your assignment.  You will be able to better understand and participate in the discussion if you understand the material beforehand.  In addition to the assigned readings, it is also a good idea to take it upon yourself to research the topic on your own by looking up:  websites, joining listservs, reading blogs, journal articles, and joining various groups.  Unlike your undergraduate program, there is no such thing as cramming for your final.  By the end of the semester you either know it or you do not. 

Fourth, know that this is a very large time commitment and plan your schedule accordingly.  You are going to have to put forth extra effort into spending time with your friends and family.  Let your friends and family know your schedule so that they too can plan accordingly.  It seems like this advice is just common sense.  Maybe it is.  Just know that your time commitment to graduate school also impacts those around you.  Also, you might be surprised at the amazing ways your friends and family end up helping you along the way.

Lastly, I have learned that I have a lot to learn.  And I am ok with that.  I am ok with the unknown and know that this is going to be a lifelong journey of learning.  I am excited and look forward to the trip. 

Hang in there your first couple weeks of class, eventually everything starts to make more sense.  When you are feeling overwhelmed, take a time out and do something you enjoy.  Talk a walk. Breathe.  Watch YouTube videos of cute puppies…just do something you love and remember to have fun.

Best of Luck,

Current Rehabilitation Counseling Graduate Student


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Explained: Oscar the Grouch, College, and Why I've Turned Into a Bear

Dear Readers,

Today I'm going to change it up.  Ok, no I'm not.  I'm going to continue to converse about things you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.

Topics of discussion today will be:  Oscar the Grouch, College vs Grad School, and Why I've Turned into a Bear.

As all of my loyal readers know, I'm in Grad school full time...getting my learn on.  I'm on the cusp of finishing up my first semester...and next week is:
FINALS WEEK.  And I'm a complete grouch right now.

Oscar the Grouch Explained:

Finals can turn an otherwise rational human being into a complete grouch.  For the majority of the time I feel like I'm rational.  Others may differ on their opinion, but I'm sticking with rational.


I'm a complete grouch right now.  But do you know who actually deserves to be a grouch??  Oscar the Grouch.  Why??  BECAUSE HE LIVES IN A TRASH CAN.  If I were him too, I'd be a little on edge.


Oscar the Grouch and I do have a lot in common.  We both eat out of the trash.  He does it because he HAS to...I do it because sometimes I throw brownies away. (If you missed the blog about my raccoon tenancies, CLICK HERE to read all about it.)


So, I'm grouchy.  And I probably will continue to be a little grouchy until this next week is over.  Hang in there with me guys, my apologies in advance.

I'm in Grad School/College Part II and I've noticed some differences this time around:
 One difference is that I'm a little older than I was the first time.  Now that I've been out of college for some time and have lived "in the real world"...I understand things a little more clearly.  (Trust me, I still get confused a lot of the times...)  However, there are some things I know for sure this time around.

College vs. Grad School Explained:

There are a couple of stunts I pulled in college that there's no way I could do now.  For example:

You can't wear your swim suit bottoms to class because you ran out of clean underwear.  You just can't.  At no point in time is it ever acceptable to wear your swim suit bottoms to class in Graduate school.  I say this because I often found myself doing this in college when I ran low on laundry.  Some of my girlfriends did too, so I know I'm not alone on this one.

Same principle applies to showering.  You can't just put a hat on and come straight to class after your Taekwondo lesson.  I took a Taekwondo class in college (because I could) and had this Political Science class right afterwards.  It was an upper level class and most of the other students were headed to law school the next year (I toyed with the idea but ultimately decided against it).  So they were all dressed like what you think pre-law students would wear:  pants, nice shirt...you know adult-wear.  Not this guy.  I came to the class a sweaty mess.  The only reason I didn't keep my outfit on was that it is disrespectful to wear outside of the dojo and I didn't want Master Pak to be upset.  So yeah, you have to shower in grad school. Or at least not show up to class still sweating and in a Taekwondo outfit.

**If my scanner was working right now I'd put up a pic of evidence of my mad Taekwondo skills.  So since it's not working, you'll just have to take my word for it .

Pulling an all-nighter isn't the same.  I can't do it now.  Back when I was 20, I did them all the time.  Now, yeah right.  That's just poor planning.  Have I had really really late nights while in Grad school??  Yes, indeed.  But I've never not slept.  I can't do that.  I cannot function like that.  This girl needs to get her sleep on if I'm going to be productive at all the next day.

You can't skip classes.  Like literally.  If you do, you won't pass.  So that's not an option in Grad school.  You can't just get notes from a friend.  There's few few people in your classes, and everyone notices if you aren't there.

You also have to have your homework done.  Not only done, but actually understand what it was.  You can't show up to class without reading anything.  There's no such thing as "cramming".  You can't cram 200 pages of the history of Disability Policy in one night.  Not only should you read the assigned readings for the class...but you should go out of your way to find additional readings, blogs, websites, books, articles, journals, groups, listservs, etc just so you can understand the material completely.  This was not the case in college.

You also can't order pizza with your friends at 4am.  Why??  First of all, all of your friends are asleep because they too are adults and most likely have a job that they need to show up to the next morning.  Second of all, I'm not even up at 4am.  So why would I order a pizza??  I just remember doing this a lot with friends in college...and not once has this happened in Grad school.  We are getting pizza next week.  But it's at 4:30PM not AM.

I could go on and on about the differences, but I think you get my point.  It's different this time around.  Well, at least it is for me.  As I progress in school I will share more of what I feel is different this time around, but for now I think we're good.

Why I've Turned Into a Bear Explained:
Normally, I'm a nice bear.  Like a Koala bear or a Panda bear.  Very peaceful.  Could be happy in a zoo.

But right now, these finals have me feeling like a Grizzly Bear.  So yeah, I'm a little grouchy.  Bear with me.









Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned:

• Oscar the Grouch is justified in his grouchiness.  Due to the fact that he resides in a garbage receptacle.  
• You can't wear your swim suit bottoms to class when you run out of clean undies in Grad School.
• I've turned into a Grizzly Bear.  It's only temporary.  After next week, I'll be back to being a Koala or a Panda Bear.  

So, I Ask You:
Do you feel like Oscar the Grouch has grounds to be grouchy??  Is there anything you did in college that you may not feel is appropriate doing now as an adult??  What kind of bear do you think you are??



Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley


 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Shower Caps, Dry Shampoo, and a Recipe for Romance

Dear Readers,

I have some late breaking news I felt I needed to share with you.  Again, it's something that you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.

Beyonce

My big news is that:  I don't like washing my hair.

Recently, I was reminded of this.  A girl friend of mine updated her Facebook status the other day saying that she hadn't washed her hair in a while.  And I was aghast.  Not that she hadn't washed her hair.  But that people still do that.  And by "that" I mean wash their hair. 

It's so time consuming!  And my hair is long-ish so it's a whole process.  Personally, I try to wash my hair as little as possible.  I don't have time for it.  Yes, I am waking up to Nothing-But-Saturdays/am unemployed...Yet, I don't have time to wash my hair??


I realize the ridiculousness of that last sentence.  But, I'm going to keep it in the blog anyway.

**FYI...This blog is totally organic.  It's natural.  I say what comes to me.  So if I write something borderline weird...I'm not going to edit myself.  I thought it in the first place, so I'm going to keep it.   It's also great when it comes to editing...Mainly, if I write something weird, it's just going to stay in the blog post.  So this blog is basically granola.  Natural.  Organic.   


Ok, back to my hygiene habits...

Let's get one things straight readers:  I like to shower.  I just don't like to wash my hair.


"How can you shower without washing your hair Miss Oakley?!"

Oh, I'm glad you asked...I will be be getting to that later.

QUESTION:  Do people still take showers on Sundays?? Because I don't.  Sundays are a day of rest.  For my hair.  And my shower.  I go all-natural.  (Just like my blog).  I'm basically keeping it real.  Really gross.


If you are still reading this mess of a blog...So far, in summary:
I like to shower .
Execept on Sundays.
I don't like to was my hair.

I kind of wish that I wasn't writing a blog about how I don't like to wash my hair...but it just felt right.  I don't think this paints me in the best light.  But it's the truth.  And that's what this blog is about...getting the truth out there.  This blog is a way to disseminate information.  What you chose to do with this information, is up to you.

I've been really into the "dry shampoo" lately.  Have any of you tried this stuff??  It's awesome and a big time saver.  I have a couple of different kinds of it.  I started out with "camp" dry shampoo.  I seriously got it in the camping section at Walmart.  Why was I in the camping section at Walmart??!!  I have no idea.  I don't really even camp.  Camping is kind of gross.  Do you know why??  Because sometimes they don't have shower facilities.

And you may be saying to yourself:
"Ok, Miss Oakley I am having a hard time following you.  You don't like to camp because sometimes there aren't shower facilities??  But you don't even like washing your hair?!  I'm having a hard time coming to terms with your rationale."


Stay with me folks...

Here's where shower caps come in:
Shower caps are amazing.  And also probably the greatest invention known to mankind.  I love shower caps.  I have a whole bunch of them.  They last forever.

I picked up these shower caps on the right at Walmart probably 2 years ago.  They have been a life saver.  (Not literally, obviously a shower cap can't save your life).  But they've metaphorically saved my life.  I can shower and don't have to wash my hair.  This cuts my getting ready time down by a ton.

Also, they are very attractive to wear.  If you want to impress your boo: PUT ON A SHOWER CAP and strut your stuff out of the bathroom.  It's pretty much a guarantee that your boo will stop what he/she's doing to recognize your beauty.  Shower caps are also romantic.  There's nothing more beautiful to a man/woman than seeing your lover wear one of these things.

Here's my recipe for romance:
1.  Put on a long fuzzy robe.
2.  Wear a shower cap.
3.  Put on some teddy bear slippers (any other animal...the point is they need to be large and obnoxious.)
**And you'll get bonus points if you but a facial mud mask on or zit cream.

So that's some pretty solid advice if you ask me.  I mean come on, I'm thirty and not married.  Of course you should be taking romance advice from me!  Everything I write is legit and has been heavily researched...by me...on myself.

Let's Review:  What Have We Learned:

• I like showers, but do not like washing my hair.
• Dry shampoo is Awesome.  Get some.
• Sometimes I end up in the "camping" section at Walmart.
• Shower caps are hot.

So, I Ask You:

What is your stance on washing your hair??  Do you do it every day??  Or do you sometimes use dry shampoo and or a shower cap??  Have you ever found yourself in the "camping" section of Walmart??  Do you think I give solid romance advice??

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley