Facilitating Change is the Name of the Game

It is like the saying goes, sleep when the baby sleeps. Blog when the baby blogs. I miss blogging but there are only so many hours in the day and days in the week. Between my full-time gig, owning my own business, raising an independent toddler, managing autoimmune conditions, hitting the gym on the regular- I'm busy. It doesn't matter though. No one cares about my excuses and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I am going.

Where am I going? Well I a glad you have asked! (Okay, no one asked but since you are still reading, I'll tell you.)

2018 will be my FIFTH year of running a side business. Did you know that Iowa ranks DEAD LAST in the number of women-owned businesses? How sad is that? Women, if you want to start up your own thing and do what you have always dreamed of doing- hit me up. It is not rocket science. But it is also not for the faint of heart. You will make mistakes, you will need to adjust your sails often, and you will absolutely have to get out of your comfort zone. Oh, and you'll hustle- HARD.

The first two years I was in business for me-myself-and I, I did it through contracts and providing services for other businesses. Things they needed done and I could competently do. I really did not talk a whole lot about what I did as I was too busy doing. Truthfully, I have not shared much of what I have done on the side for 5 years, so here we go. I'm going to talk below about where I am been and where I am going. Keep reading if your are interested. And if you have time, keep reading even if you are NOT interested.

The first two years was disability, career coaching, and assistive technology focused. Or things that I still do to this day at my full-time job. I assisted individuals with disabilities, chronic mental health conditions, and barriers to employment obtain paid competitive and integrated employment. Not to get to much into the weeds here, but it is work that is worth doing. There are so many individuals with disabilities out there that need a fair shot and assistance with getting a job that will lead to a career. Unfortunately, there are a ton of stigmas that society and businesses hold that makes it even harder for them. This is where I enter, like the 80's Kool-Aid Man, I busted down (proverbial) walls to assist with my clients to obtain employment. Again, I still do this to this day, full-time. All day, every day. Advocacy is my jam.

The other major contract I held was with the Veteran's Administration. And that contract was dope. I worked with Veteran's across the land use assistive technology devices to have full access to their community. I loved doing this as assistive technology is also my background and it was dope to be able to train a Veteran's device and go to the gym with him. Something he missed doing and gave him a sense of hope. Also he was able to get out and about in the community- which is important for all humans. I had to let this contract go as it is was a conflict of interest. It happens.

Other big things I did the first couple of years was taking on an corporate wellness contract. I worked with one of the largest non-profits in Iowa and the U.S. This was very eye opening and something I look to continue to do. Organizations that take it upon themselves to provide their employees with wellness coaching services get it. Healthier employees are longer-lasting employees and cost a lot less to insure. It's the ultimate win-win.

Public speaking is another thing that I do often for both my full-time job and with my company. I have spoken all over the US and trained tens of thousands of people of various things across my career. When I was in college I vowed to get good at public speaking: since no-one ever wanted to do it, and I figured I'd always have a job if I was willing to do what most others will not. That could basically sum up my entire career: doing things others do not want to do in order for job security. I've spoken and presented to Drake University Graduate Students and shared all of my story. Even the parts I have not publicly spoken out about (that's for the book that is in the works.) With this I have shown how to work within the medical model for best results, as well as, with holistic practitioners to get to the root cause. Those who know me well know that I will never shut up about things I believe and am passionate about. So I'll keep on talking.

Over the length of my life, I seem to be defined not by what I have done, but what I do when things get really really hard. Between beating cancer, completely changing my career path after a series of lay-offs, finding love after a decade of being with someone who could not take the next step, and bio-hacking my way back from a huge autoimmune flare postpartum- I have found that I have grit, am resilient, and am full of humor and hope. These are good characteristics to have in both having your own business, as well as, coaching others through hard things. I get adversity. I get hard. I never ever give up. These are very good things to have in order to coach others.

The last few years I have taken a step back from going full-force into my own business to get my own health on track. And with two years of research, advocating my tail-feathers off, and willing to do anything and everything, I am making a comeback. I have found my root causes (more on that later-that's a whole blog post in itself) and am and have been back it the saddle and starting to market more of what I do.

With this two-year long flare, I have focused on individual health and life coaching, along with an online group format. In addition, to honor my spiritual side, I've become a non-denominational Ordained Minister- for those who want to do marriage their way. I got married in my own unique way, and others should have the chance to do that as well, if that is their style. Everyone is very different and I am honoring that with offering non-traditional weddings and vow renewals.

Individual coaching is what I get asked to do most often. There is a huge array of things I work with others on. My approach is to partner together and to facilitate the change that the person is wanting for their life. This could be drastic weight loss. Or to get their hormones balanced and have a healthy baby. Or change careers and do something they are passionate about. To learn to advocate with their family, friends, and their medical community for understanding and care. To get to the root cause of their medical conditions. To find themselves so they can find their partner. To push people beyond everything that they have tried in order to get to where they want to go. I am good at this- I do this all day, every day. And I will not feel bad about saying I do this well. I love puzzling over people, figuring out where they are stuck and presenting them opportunities to grow.

Group work is something that I love to do, is very effective, and I do often. I have done this with many groups in person, families, and now online with those wanting a combination of health/life coaching. The group model works well it and it is something I will continue to do online and in person (when the opportunity presents itself.) Learning from me is great- learning from others going through it-invaluable!

My approach to life and health coaching is very unique and holistic. I am a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor by training- so I meet everyone where they are at and know that everyone brings their own unique circumstances to the table. So that means I do not have a one-size-fits-all approach. I also have dealt with so many set-backs personally, that I really do relate to those that I work with. I never have and never will ask someone to do something I have not done or will not do. With all that being said, I am not for everyone. If you are not willing to work or make changes and want a quick band-aid fix, that is not me. That will not get you to where you need to go and honestly, it will make me look like a terrible coach. So I do pre-screen and assess everyone that I work with. If you are ready to live your best life, then I am here to facilitate change. If you want to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass you by, I am not the one for you. I work with those ready and willing to change.

Soon I hope to do some re-branding and get my website back up. Right now I am stuck on my new and re-branded company name. I'm getting closer and luckily I have a marketing background or else this would be something I need major help with. As always, I am open for suggestions though! Until my website is up, I'll blog here. Stay tuned. Or don't. Either way, I will keep going. Okay, I need to go meal-prep, workout, and do laundry- while the baby sleeps.

-SM

Perfection

Hi, Readers!

It has been a minute since I last penned a blog. Or, about two years.

I've been wanting to write, but kept waiting until the perfect moment. When things were right and I was healed and everything went back to what I once knew as normal.

The postpartum period did not go as anticipated. I knew it would be rough, but you cannot really anticipate what you don't know.

Labor was hard, long, and traumatic. It set off a cascade of events in which were out of my control. And I got sick. And then sicker. Diagnosis after diagnosis and treatment for this, that, and the other. It is hard to write, when you are in the weeds and just trying to muster up the strength to slap a smile on your face to get through the day.

So I waited for my normal to return. And then it didn't come. It may not come. When multiple autoimmune disease surface and show themselves after calmly brewing under the surface; it isn't a quick fix.

I tried and tried to make a comeback, to be what I once was. The sails were adjusted, I shifted, and shifted, and shifted more. Nothing worked. And then it became apparent something was very wrong. The anger set it and I sat with it. Looked at it. How could I do everything right, and have it go so wrong?

Anger is a tricky thing. You cannot ignore it. For a while I pretended it wasn't there, shoved it to the back of my mental closet and locked the door. Until I couldn't anymore. And once I admitted it it allowed for grief to set it and wash over. I bathed in it. To have my world rocked, was nothing new. My life seems to be defined by hardship and trials. Things I never asked for often have a way of seeking me out at times I least expect them to.

There is a lot of work that goes into pretending things are fine when you're in the midst of a mess. So I let go. And I decided something. To shift my focus off of perfect. Away from my normal and the possibility of bouncing back. I embraced the yuck and the pain. Leaned into it. Rolled around in the mud with pain, with anger.

Once I allowed myself to grieve, to give myself permission to be upset, a weight was lifted. It was then that I knew that what once, may never return. And that it was okay that I am not well. I let go of all of my expectations and what I thought I wanted for my life. In the midst of my mess, I started telling my story. And backed away slowly, but surely from those that do not and cannot understand what I am dealing with. For there are so many other beautiful souls struggling that welcomed me into their tribe with open arms.

To accept to wait and sit with grief was the kindest thing I could have ever done for myself. Patience is kindness. I am not healed or okay. I am not waiting for that perfect day to come.  I'm holding on and shifting my focus to the long game. For the imperfect. To doing life however I need to. To boldly live imperfectly and with pain most days that would bring the strongest person to their knees. And on those days, I have learned to pause. To be grateful.

This has been a beautiful nightmare. Chronic illness is such a gift. There is so much to be learned here. The level of empathy I have in all areas of my life is limitless. To fall, has been a blessing in disguise. I have slowed down. I'm present. I'm doing the hard work to start to heal. Superficial things are non-issues. My faith, my family, my health are what matters. Everything else is now just white noise.

It has been such a process to get here. To accept my anger and let go of what I thought I set up for myself. I did everything right. It went terribly wrong. I grieved over things I thought would be and let go of all of it.

Telling my story is freeing. It is also very hard to be vulnerable. Others judge what they don't know and force their own beliefs on you. But this isn't about them. My journey has been handed to me for reasons I am still learning. And I have been making a conscious effort to slow down, embrace my body, accept that I am not in charge. I am both not in charge and also taking ultimate responsibility for my health and attitude as I continue to adjust to living with chronic illness. I have decided to not wait until things are perfect. To live with flair, while being in the midst of a flare.

Waiting for a perfect is very unfair. What if I was perfect? What if flaws and all, I still am perfect? The universe is showing me what I need to learn. It is not my choice how I'm being shown these lesson's, but they are lesson's nonetheless. My focus has shifted, the act has been dropped. I've gotten out of my own way and have cried all of the tears. Mourning who I was, loving who I am, and looking forward to finding who I will become.

While unanticipated, motherhood and chronic illness has broken me open. Here I am, perfectly imperfect. And it is okay. Perfection looks different to me now.