No Shower, No Problem.

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share with you more about my life.  More things you probably didn't need to know...but once you do know, you'll be glad you did.  Or, something like that.

I've been on a real hygiene kick lately.  Not actually practicing it...but I just noticed my last couple of blog posts have been about how gross I am sometimes.

And this blog post is right in line with that...It's basically about:  That-One-Time-I-Didn't-Shower-For-A-Week.

This happened a couple weeks ago.  I wish it was one of those crazy stories of my youth...but this happened recently.  This month in fact.

To make a short story long:  I didn't shower for an entire week.

However, I have my reasons.

Reason #1 is that a couple weeks ago our hot water mysteriously shut off.  For reasons unknown.  One day I took a nice warm shower...The next day...Game over.  No transition.  It went from warm to ice cold in a day.

Something you should know...some people like to take cold showers.  I am not one of them.  I have never enjoyed a cool shower.  I think it stems from childhood.

Childhood:  We often didn't have hot water.  For various reasons including, but not limited to:  not paying the water bill, having to share the bathroom with multiple people and sometimes an entire other family (true story), and other reasons related to limited funding.

I remember being around the age of seven and thinking:  "When I grow up, I'm going to make enough money to always have warm water for showers."

Side note:  When you are a child and dream of having unlimited warm water...You know your childhood was awesome.


So yeah, my wealth fantasies as a child topped out at:  having hot water.  


At any rate, I learned how to be really good at washing my hair in the sink...Which is a skill I utilized the week of no showering...Details to come...

Reason #2 is that the condo we live in is not owned by us...My boo's brother is our landlord...And our Landlord decided it would be a good time to GO TO ITALY at the time of the situation.  We didn't have any way to contact him and just had to deal with it.

It was a situation that I did not enjoy.  At all.

Have you ever tried to put a cat in a cold shower??  That's about the same way I react to cold showers.  I end up scratching whoever put me in there in the face...And hissing.

Side note:  I have a friend who has a cat that likes to take showers with her?  Like, every morning.  Now I've had a bunch of cats growing up and none of them liked taking a shower/bath/water.

Another side note:  Seriously.  I had a bunch of cats growing up.  We had this cat named Patches that was a big fan of having kittens.  I stopped counting at 19.  She was always pregnant.  And sometimes giving birth in my brothers bunk beds (true story...)

I digress...

Back to the matter at hand. The matter being me not showering for a week.  Socially, this is frowned upon.

Reason #3 is that I just can't make myself get into a cold shower.  Especially at the time.  Because I had a wicked cold and was sick.  And I'm not a good sick person.  Some people are good at being sick and can function.  I am not one of them.  I was so sick I could hardly stand.  And I did NOT want to stand in a cold shower.  Getting into an ice cold shower when I was already shivering was the last thing I wanted to do.

Also, it is important to note that when I am sick I sometimes become irrational and am generally grouchy.

Could I have called up a friend and used their shower?? Yes.  But, this would require me coming to terms with the fact that I couldn't toughen up and just brave an ice cold shower.  Every day I told myself I could do it...Only realize I couldn't do it.  By the time this realization took place it was too late.

At any rate...I just washed my hair in the sink.  For a week.  I couldn't make myself get into the shower.  I tried, trust me.  I really did.  I turned the water on and got in there...Only to last about ten seconds...which was followed by audible whining.  And lots of it.

No one was home to hear a grown woman crying in the bathroom because the water was too cold.  So luckily, no one will ever know.

At any rate, I had to resort to tactics not used for many years and wash my hair in the sink.  I thought about waiting until the Boo got home so he could help me.  But then I thought about how ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS that would be and decided it would be best never to acknowledge that I even had this thought in the first place.

Side note:  I really really really don't like washing my hair.  It takes forever.  If I wash it, it adds 45 minutes to an hour to my getting ready time.  Which is a fun and effective way to use my time.  Or, not really.  I honestly try to wash my hair the least times possible.

Here's my perfect hair schedule:
Day One:  Wash hair and spend 45 minutes of my time I'll never get back...doing my stupid hair.
Day Two:  Shower Cap and no washing of the hair in the shower.  Wake up and hair is ready to go.
Day Three:  Dry shampoo is used and a ponytail and or headband will be incorporated into the outfit.
Day Four:  Definite ponytail if not that, a cute a hat.
Day Five:  Wash hair and spend 45 minutes of my time I'll never get back...doing my stupid hair.
Repeat Cycle...

My perfect hair schedule sometimes doesn't work out.  Because OF the working out.  If I work out and get all sweaty...then I have to wash my hair.  Sometimes, this actually deters me from working out.


Seriously.  I've actually talked myself out of working out because I'd have to wash my hair.

It's not something I'm proud about, yet it happens.  Often.

I thought about showering at the gym but I just couldn't make myself do it.  For a couple reasons:  1) The showers at the gym are disgusting.  I always feel like I'm going to get hepatitis or something.  2) If I went to the gym to shower...it would also make sense to actually WORK OUT at the gym.  Which I wasn't in the mood for.  Because I was sick/irrational.

So at any rate, I washed my hair in the sink for a week and became best friends with some Huggies baby wipes.

The boo's brother returned from Italy and it was another week before we got a new water heater/hot water.  After an entire week of not showering I finally had to get in there.  However, a friend of mine had to come over and regulate the situation.  If she hadn't been there, I might have gone two weeks.  And that would have been just gross.

Thus concludes another look into the life and times of a serial over-share-er.

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned?

• I have no problem with not showering for a week.  However, going two weeks without a shower seems absolutely ridiculous.
• My childhood wealth fantasies topped out at being to able to pay my water bill.
• You may or may get hepatitis from the showers at my gym.

So, I Ask You?
What's the longest you've gone without taking a shower??  Are you fan of cold showers??  Did you ever have a cat named Patches growing up that liked to give birth in your brothers bunk bed??

Forever Blogging About Important Life Events,

Miss Oakley

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