My "To Done" List

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share my strategy of creating a "To Done" List.

A "To Done" List is something I came up with myself.  (Obviously, because it has a horrible name.)   But it has helped me out...

We all make "To Do" Lists right??  Or, at least most of us do.  If you don't...you probably know someone that does make these lists...Or you know of someone who makes these lists for you...

Lists are a great way to organize things.

I have always been a fan of lists.

In fact, when I am feeling overwhelmed it is my go to strategy.

When overwhelmed I:

• Make a list
• Start working on said list
• Life happens and I tend to it
• Forget about list
• Make another list (probably very similar to the first one)

I know...a VERY EFFECTIVE strategy.  Or not really.  But hey, it's something I do and I thought I'd put it out there.

A lot of times my "To Do" lists are just reminders of what I DIDN'T accomplish.  A lot of times they actually make me feel worse instead of feeling better.

So I decided to flip the script.

I started making "To Done" Lists.

What is a a "To Done" List you might ask??  Well, I shall tell you:  It is a list of every single productive thing I accomplished during the day.  It's the stuff you don't give yourself credit for.  The stuff not on your original "To Do" List.

I create "To Done" Lists after I make a "To Do" List that didn't work out as planned.  When I look at the things I didn't accomplish on my "To Do" List I start feeling bad.  That's where the "To Done" List comes in.

My "To Done" list is a reminder that I actually did get things done.  It is also a way that I give myself credit for the things that I do get done.

Why would I do this??  Well, I'm a big fan of being positive and focusing on the good.  Only so much can be accomplished by me beating myself up for what I thought I'd get done...But then life happened...and it didn't.

No matter how many lists I have...Life always gets in the way.  Things happen.  Lists get put on hold.  And that's fine.  I like this strategy because it allows me to take life as it happens and not be so hard on myself.  

Feel free to borrow this strategy the next time you get mad at yourself for not getting all of the things on your "To Do" List done.  Making a "To Done" List is a way you can show yourself (and others if need be) that you in fact moved your life forward in some way, shape, or form.

Miss Oakley

My Worst Day is Someones Best

Dear Readers,


I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts.


(I wrote this a couple months ago...)


For the past 16 months, I have been waking up to "Nothing but Saturdays."  Some may refer to this as "Unemployment", but I have never been one to go with the crowd.  And it's more fun to talk about Saturdays than it is about your lack of financial income.  Unemployment isn't one of those topics people jump up and down to talk about.  But Saturdays are.  And if I have to be unemployed...then I'm going to give it a fun term.


I have learned much about myself through this time.  If I had to sum everything that I've learned in the past year it is that:  No matter how bad you think you have it.  Someone has it worse.


My worst day could be someones best day.


A lot of things happened over the past year and a half that I am still trying to understand and come to terms with.  However, I know that I am doing the right thing by trying to look at things in a more positive way.


And the right thing isn't throwing myself a pity party and focusing on the negative.


The right thing (for me) is realizing that things are bad...But that I am lucky.


A while back I was having one of those days where I was on the verge of throwing myself a huge pity party.  I was on the verge of tears and a festival of boo-hoo-ing.


But then I did something.  I stepped outside of myself and looked at my personal situation as if I was someone else.


I imagined I was several different people.  Then I looked at my life objectively (instead of subjectively and emotionally.)  


Looking at my own life through someone elses lens gave me a way to find the good in the bad and the happy in the sad.


It was at this point that I realized that what I felt was my worst day...Could actually be someones best day.


There is always ALWAYS someone out there that has it worse.  That would trade your life for theirs in a second.


When I started thinking this way, I drastically decreased the number of self-imposed pity parties I threw for a party of one.


Does this mean I'll never have another bad day?  No.  However, it does mean that when I am having a bad day that I remember to check my emotions against the reality of the situation:  This horrible day I am having is something another person would gladly trade me for.  Knowing that what I feel like is my worst day, could be someones best...Helps me live another day.


Miss Oakley

Bitter.com: Like Twitter, but with more Angst.

Dear Readers,
(I wrote this last winter.  When I was Waking up to Nothing but Saturday's...I never published it...Until now...)

It seems like everyone is mad about something or wants to complain about how the world has mistreated them.  Everyone is upset about everything.

Which is fine, but...that's what a DIARY is for...And real live friends/family...Probably not social media websites.

Sometimes I contemplate taking a break from Facebook and Twitter because it's a downer.  If you want to instantly get bummed out, read a couple status updates/tweets from that friend that likes to complain.

Now, I'm not saying we shouldn't state our feelings and get things out in the open.  (Obviously, I'm in grad school to be a Therapist, I'm all about feelings.)  All, I'm saying is there needs to be a specific social media website where you can go and complain.  My Proposal:  We call this website "Bitter".  It's like Twitter, but with more angst.  That way everyone that wants to be negative, can be surrounded by everyone else that wants to do the same.  (Here's a fun fact: If you try to go to bitter.com you are re-directed to Burger King's website...So, at least Burger King has a sense of humor??)

It's not that I don't care about things that are going on in everyone's lives..I Do.  I really do.  I WANT to know what's going on.  I just don't want to get unnecessarily bummed out when I log on to Facebook to look at pictures of your cute pets and instead read about the ailments of your day.  That's not what I signed up for.

Life is hard.  I get it.

On a daily basis, I think we all are wronged  on average... approximately 10 times (totally did the research for that fact.)  Instead of focusing on how the world has mistreated me, I try to find ONE thing positive that happened in my day.  I focus on that.  It gives me strength to move on.

For example:  I recall having a Major Case of the Sads a while back.  It was a day that I got almost nothing on my "To Do" list done.  I called my Mom and told her I was having a tough time.  Like a legitimately tough time.  We decided that I needed to just do SOMETHING, ANYTHING.  So what did I decide to do??  I walked to my mailbox and got my mail.  Seriously.  This was the highlight of the day for me.  I wasn't working and it was winter time and super cold here. Which could turn even the most active person into a semi-hermit.

Every time I think about posting/tweeting something negative, I re-think it.  If I'm having a true issue, I call someone that loves me and I talk it out.

In my opinion, when I post things that are negative...it gives that negative statement/feeling the power.  I don't want to give it more power.  I want to take the power away.

Life is hard.  If I know ANYTHING it is that it's all how you look at things.  We all go through horrible stuff and it's mostly not fair.

Complaining and letting bad things consume my mind does nothing for me.  If anything, it is paralyzing and it keeps me from moving forward.

A couple years I cam across this quote by Charles R. Swindoll:
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

After much reflection, I decided that I needed to adjust how I look at things.  Not everything is bad.  Even actual bad things are not that bad when looked at from the right perspective.  What can be bad is giving the bad stuff even more power over my feelings than it already has.  Bad things happen, but I can choose to try to find the good in all things.  I have a choice in not what happens, BUT HOW I RESPOND.  I can respond negatively and bitterly...OR...I can choose to try to find something good.  It is not the actual event...It is my Response to that event that is important.

Like for example, this whole Waking-Up-To-Nothing-But-Saturdays-Thing/being unemployed.  It's been going on for 13 months now, and instead of complaining...I've embraced it.  I may never have this time again on my hands.  So I'm going to use it now, while I have it.  Being unemployed can be super depressing, but it doesn't have to be.

NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO ME HAS TO BE DEPRESSING/SAD/NEGATIVE.  Everything that happens to me can just be something that happens.  That might be non-fun.  But it is when I define something as "horrible" that I give it the power to actually BE horrible.

I do this with working out too.  For example, last month I worked out 10 times.  Is that enough?  No.  Mathematically that works out to 2.5 times a week.  Which wasn't my goal.  However, I worked out 10 times.  Ten!!  How great is that?!  I'm choosing to celebrate my minor success and not give the power to all the days I didn't work out.

I'm really trying to look at life differently.  I'm trying to find the funny in the non-funny.  And the happy in the sad.  So far I like the new perspective.

Years ago, I started a happy journal.  At the end of the day, I listed all the things that happened that made me happy.  Some days there were only one thing on the list (and I even had to struggle coming up with the one thing).  One day all I could write was:  "walking my dogs."  For a second I got sad, but then I thought of the dogs.  How happy they were to go on a walk.  That was the highlight of their day!  They were so happy, and cute, and grateful that their momma took them on a long walk.  Then I remembered a couple of cute things that they did on that walk.  After thinking about that one singular happy thing that happened in my day, I turned what was potentially a completely bad day, into a good one.  I went to bed that night with a smile on my face.

So, I'm not going to contribute to negativity...not on social networking sites...and not in the real world either. I shall choose to embrace the negative...and hug the crap out of it...and try to find a small piece of positivity in the negative, and focus on that instead.


Miss Oakley

My Hobby Is Trying Out New Hobbies

Dear Readers,

I have decided that my hobby is trying out hobbies...My actual hobby is trying out new things.  That's what I like to do.  If I could, I would give every single thing out there a try.  Why not??

Seriously...Here's a list of stuff in my storage unit that at one point I thought I would get into...but either didn't or am currently in the process of trying out:

Golf Clubs- Used them a couple times.  Turns out I'm a horrible golfer.  I even got lessons, shoes, the whole thing.  I'm just not into it.  However, it is fun to go to the driving range every couple of years.  Which is why I still have my clubs and am not ruling it out as a potential hobby.

A Hula Hoop- why not??  I saw this at Wal-mart when I was on the road one day in Southern Iowa when I was Drug Rep.  I decided I had to have it.  It was kind of fun putting it in the Impala with all of the Erectile Dysfunction sample boxes and vials of insulin.  Directly after purchasing the hula hoop I used it quite a bit. I decided to use it publicly.  Because I like to humiliate myself (also, another hobby of mine.)  So I hooped it up in outside of my house for all the neighbors to see.  It was actually a really good workout.  Which is why I still have the hula hoop and am not ruling it out as a potential hobby.

A Sewing Machine-  Also, why not??  I bought it at Target.  I am convinced I would love to learn how to sew.  My mom sewed all of our clothes growing up.  ALL OF THEM.  Except our underpants.  Those she got at garage sales (awesome.)  Despite the obvious emotional turmoil of my youth...I still want to learn how to sew.  Which is why I still have the sewing machine and am not ruling it out as a potential hobby.

Racquetball Rackets and Tennis Rackets-  4 in total.  I took a Racquetball class in college (like an actual class...for credit) and loved it.  Thought I could go pro at some point.  I still love racquetball...and every once in a while I will come across another person that also loves it and then agrees to go and play with me.  I remain optimistic and believe that one day another person will want to play with me again.  And I don't even expect them to have a racket.  Which is why I have 4 rackets and am not ruling it out as a potential hobby.

A Huffy Bike- Also bought on a Drug Rep trip somewhere in Iowa.  This one was kind of a risky purchase.  Risky because I was in no-where Iowa and didn't know if it would fit in the trunk of my car (along with the boxes of pills, vials, etc.)  Because I'm a pro at space optimization...I got that thing in my trunk.  I also bought a helmet.  (Safety first.)  I've used the bike a couple times.  Each time worse than the last.  Turns out, I don't like hills.  Or pedaling.  Or biker shorts.  Or the helmet.  However, I know one day I'll need the bike for something.  Which is why I still have the bike in my storage unit and am not ruling it out as a potential hobby.

A Basketball- I love playing basketball.  Am I good at it??  No.  However, in 2009 this did not stop me from signing up for the Iowa Summer Games shooting competition in the women's division.  And despite all odds.  I won.  Also, important to note...There was not another woman in my age division.  Apparently women my age are busy with families and stuff.  At any rate, I like to shoot hoops at random intervals.  Which is why I carry a basketball around with me in my car and am not ruling it out as a hobby I will once again take up.

A Piano-  This was a Black Friday purchase that I couldn't let pass me by.  Was it 4am??  Yes.  Was I in the right frame of mind to be shopping on no sleep??  Obviously, yes.  I played the piano as a child and remembered at 4am that day that I missed it.  So I got it.  I've played a little since and am convinced this could potentially again be a hobby.  (Fun fact:  I can play 5 instruments...)  I might one day decide to take up my musical inclinations again. Which is why I have a piano and am not ruling it out as hobby I will once again take up.

A Trumpet-  Everyone needs a trumpet in their storage unit.  Or...I played in grade school, Jr high, and high school...and can't possibly part with it.  I always think that one day I might pick it up again.  Which is why I still have a trumpet in my storage closet and am not ruling it out as a hobby that I will once again pick up.

A Box of Crap that I've Written- I have a huge box of journals/notebooks/diaries of my my personal thoughts over the years.  I have always written.  And apparently over the years all of my writings ended up in the important place of:  a box in my storage unit.  So it is clear that what I'm currently doing (writing) is something that I've always done.  Evidence: that box and this blog.  I think I need to hold on to all my writings.  If only for the fact that no one should ever read anything I've written.  So, I shall keep my writings and one day may share some of my thoughts just to embarrass myself further.  Which is why I am keeping the box of crap I've written, sometimes write on this blog, and am in the process of writing a really horrible book.  

You are now looking at my current hobby of writing.  This blog is part of my hobby...but not the total summation of my doings.  I write many other things.  These things are just stuff I either:  keep to myself, am writing in a book(s), OR turn into my professors so they can read. 

As a future therapist it is important that I continuously work on myself and grow as a person.  For me, growing means: getting over myself.  And getting over myself consists of putting my weird and awkward personal life, passions, goals, and random observations out there for the world to see.  Not so that I can be judged by a jury of my peers...But just so I keep myself in a constant state of vulnerability.  It is when I am truly vulnerable that I am able to grow.


So here I am, being vulnerable, in the attempt to grow as a person and as a counselor.  Thank you for helping me do this today by reading my ramblings of how my hobby is trying out new hobbies.  With the current hobby being:  Writing.

Miss Oakley

Let's Chat About Moving.

Dear Readers,


Wow, I haven't blogged for...Months.  Lucky for you guys, I've written a bunch of stuff that I just haven't "published".  So here is something I wrote a couple months ago about moving....


I did some math...Which isn't my most favorite thing to do...and I've counted that I've moved 13 times in the last 12 years.


Something I'm not proud of.  However, still a fact of my life.


In my last blog I shared with that my boo's bro is my landlord...and I totally forgot to put one of my most favorite videos along with the blog.


So here it is:  "The Landlord"

I've had a bunch of landlords, I've also owned a home...


And in the span of 12 years, have moved 13 times.


You'd think I'd be a pro at it by now.  But I still very strongly dislike moving.


I've decided that it is totally worth the coin to hire movers.  Unless you have some friends that you want to not be your friends at the end of the day...Then go ahead and have them come help you.  I can guarantee you that at the end of the day these friends will be completely re-evaluating their relationship with you and may or may decide to never help you again.


Seriously, moving brings out the beast in people.  I've seen rational people just totally lose it in the process of moving.  If you ever want to know what someone is really made of...Help them move.


So, since the boo and I live in his bro's condo it's a little cramped and most of my stuff is in a storage unit.  But, I don't even miss most of it.  So, I probably could do without it.


I'm not a hoarder.  Let's just get that straight right now.  I just have a bunch of stuff.  Why??  Because I used to live in a gigantic house.  There were rooms that I didn't even go into.  Or know why they were there.


At any rate, that is not part of my life anymore.  But for those of you that have ever lived in a residence you may know what seems to happen...


You have all this space.  And space needs to be filled right??  So we fill space up with stuff.  Sometimes it doesn't even matter what the stuff is.  We're American, it's our right to fill our homes up with stuff that we might never use.  But we could use if we wanted.  That's our right.  We can have as much stuff as we want and never use it.  It's the American way.


At any rate, I have been slowly getting rid of all of this accumulated stuff that I once had for no apparent reason.


Turns out, I don't need all that stuff.  It's not who I am.


Also turns out, that I am to once again move.


The boo and I have decided to join forces and get married.  After some discussion, we thought it would be best to have our own residence as a married couple and not raise our family in his brother's condo.


So we are on the lookout for a new place.  And that means I'm going to move again.  It also means I need to get my storage unit sorted out and continue to rid myself of all of my prior baggage.  Should be a good time.


If anyone wants to not be my friend anymore you are welcome to help us move.


Miss Oakley