Dear Kim Kardashian, Flour Isn't An Actual Problem

Per usual, I am blogging about things you never knew you wanted to know.  

Today I'm taking issue with Kim Kardashian's issue with Flour.

Last week, in what was most likely a PR tactic...
Poor Kim Kardashian had flour thrown on her.

FLOUR.


She now must decide whether or not to press charges.

The horror of it all.  I can't even imagine how she feels.  How can she even face the day??  If I was her...I'd be an emotional wreck...Just a total a shell of a person....If you can stomach it...Watch the video.  WARNING:  It's graphic.  Please don't watch in front of your children. Actually, no...Have your children watch this.  And then tell them if they ever grow up to be Kim Kardashian rich, to never become this ridiculous.

If flour was my biggest problem...You know what I'd do??

I'D TAKE THE FLOUR, MAKE A CAKE, THEN THROW MYSELF A PARTY.

Why??  Because, having flour thrown on you is not an actual problem.  And cake is delicious.

Here is a List of Actual Problems Kim Kardashian:
Poverty
Racism
Childhood Obesity
Type 2 Diabetes
Unemployment
A Senseless Murder Without Justice...AKA Treyvon Martin's Killing
Everything That's Happening in Syria

Kim Kardashian is now being faced with the difficult decision of whether or not to press charges on the flour "bomber".  Imagine if you had to make a decision like that??  How do you even wrap your mind around something like that?? How do you sleep at night knowing that the flour bomber is still out there??  How do you bravely continually step out into public knowing that at any moment...flour could be thrown on you??

Wait...These aren't actual problems.

So, Kim Kardashian is contemplating pressing charges against this horrible person who threw flour on her.

And I am contemplating pressing charges against anyone (who for reasons unknown is a millionaire) that would press charges against a thrower of flour.

America:  We need to unite.  We need to make sure things like this never happen again.

Wait, it was just flour.

America:  What we really need to do is:  Make sure things like Kim Kardashian never happen again.  Not even the flour incident.  The bigger problem is that she's even a celebrity in the first place, has millions of dollars, and so much influence that stories like this are termed as "News."

Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned?

• Flour is not an actual problem.
• Actual problems are actual problems.  
• Instead of pressing charges:  She needs to bake a cake and throw herself a party.  Because she needs to celebrate not having actual problems.  And because cake is delicious.

So, I Ask You?
Do you believe people throwing flour is the biggest problem we are facing right now??  What would you do if you had flour thrown on you??  Would you press charges??  Or would you bake a cake and celebrate?? 


Other Stories of Kim Kardashian's Life:
There Is Something I Need To Confess
Kobe Bryant, NBA Marriages, and Why I Never Married a Baller
The Iowa Caucus, Kim Kardashian's Clip On Bangs, and The Sugar Bowl

Forever, Blogging About Stuff You Never Knew You Wanted to Know in The First Place,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow me on Twitter @MissOakley 

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is.

Dear Readers,  

Today in the news I read that gold prices have declined for the first time since January.  Which naturally, made me think of my childhood.  And subsequently, I felt compelled to share with you yet more details of my life that you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.

Why did the prices of gold prompt what I thought was a repressed memory??  Because my childhood was full of Gold.

Gold teeth.  

I come from a place where instead of investing in a 401k, you invest in yourself.  Specifically, in your mouth.  It's almost the safest place on your body.  Practically no one is going to get all up in your grill.  Except maybe your dentist.

I have a lot of stories from my childhood.  I have a lot of stories period.  My life is awkward.  And I've decided to embrace it.  Not only that, I've gone so far as to start over-sharing personal stories of my life.  (The main reason I started this blog.)

To make sense of the weird...I've always written.  Things have always been weird, so I've had more than enough material to work with.  I've just never shared my "writings."  Until now.

My childhood was full of inconsistency and most of what happened is completely unbelievable.  I wasn't raised by wolves...but worse...Myself.  My mom worked so much that my brothers and I just decided to wing it, raise ourselves, and see how we turned out.

Flash forward a couple of decades and my two brothers are successful and work with inanimate objects (airplanes).  I've had a great sales career and am now in grad school to be a Therapist.  We turned out alright.  One of the three has been through extensive therapy.  You can pick which one that was.

Ok, back to the teeth.

My mom isn't going to be a huge fan of this.  However, I'm sure I'll be lucky enough to have an adult daughter that will one day blog about her weird childhood.

Ok seriously, I need to get to the teeth.

So this morning as I'm reading about declining gold prices I'm reminded of the sound financial advice that I obtained from my parental units as a child.

As far as my parents financial planning strategies go, I'm not sure there was any sort of official strategy.  This is due to the fact that you'd have to have some actual money to strategize about.  Which, we did not.

Full Disclosure:  I wore underwear from garage sales.  I'm not even mad about it.  In fact, it's kind of funny?  (Not funny at the time though.)

Could my childhood situation have been worse??  DEFINITELY.  It could of been much worse.  Could it have been weirder??  Probably not.

Anyway, I'm trying to set the scene in regards to our level of un-wealth and therefore subsequent financial planning processes.  Or rather, lack thereof.

So as I'm reading about gold today I remember a tidbit of actual advice my Dad gave me one day.

In summary what he told me was:  One day, when I get older I need to put my money in a safe place.  The safest place he knew of was in your mouth.  He then goes and shows me his gold teeth.  He said they were worth a lot of money.  Additionally, it was in his viewpoint that your mouth is a really hard place for someone to steal from.  Although, he's had friends that have had theirs stolen.  (Yes, their teeth.)

So, I filed that under "Financial Planning" and went to college.  I decided I should get a degree in business.

Color me surprised when I learned in a Finance class that most people invest in these things called "stocks and bonds" and have "'401k's" and "IRA's" instead of a bunch of gold teeth.

I learned a lot.

Due to a phone call from my parents one day while in said college...I also learned that if you swallowed your investment accidentally it's hard to re-coup the profits.  You'll have to wait for a while, and it isn't pretty.  But it can be done.

In summary, I received some great financial advice from my parents:  Put your money where you mouth is.  However, this is not the same advice I received from my Finance professor in college.  It was a toss up, but in my professional career I opted for the 401k route...as gold teeth were never part of the benefit packages.

Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned?

• I lived through my childhood and received a lot of sound advice.
• Putting your money where you mouth is...Should probably not be taken literally.
• I have a 401k and no gold teeth.  

So, I Ask You?
What is the best financial advice your parents have given you??  Do you think gold teeth are good investments??  Are you surprised to find that I'm almost a fully functional adult??  

Forever, Blogging About Stories of My Life You Never Knew You Wanted to Know in The First Place,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow me on Twitter @MissOakley 

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.

Eggs Are Delicious. Except After Their Expiration Date.

Dear Readers,

Today I wanted to share with you something you never knew you wanted to know about me.  I apologize to the millions of readers of this blog for not posting in a while.  I've been busy with grad school and trying to find a job...

Which brings me to the topic of the day:  EGGS.

Specifically, MY eggs.

As you may or may not know...I've been looking for a gig for a while.  Each day I get online and search for jobs.  And I don't know if you're aware of how the Internet works...(at least for me...)...You start searching for one thing online...With the purest intentions of being productive...and then 87 clicks and two hours later:  You've accomplished nothing.

Two Hours and 87 Clicks Later:

You've looked up the meaning of "eccentric" (because you're trying to find meaning in your life),
You've shopped for deals on lint rollers, 
You've looked up the lyrics to "Party Rock", 
You've watched no less than 10 videos of cute Siberian Husky puppies playing, 
You've looked at a friends 300 pictures of their vacation to Disney World, 
You've researched squat techniques, 
You've tweeted 30 non-nonsensical yet thought provoking things on twitter,
You've looked up just how long Jessica Simpson has been pregnant for (I feel like it's been 2 years),
You've found out The Situation has entered rehab,
You've learned of Jeb Bush's endorsement for Mitt Romney, 
You've looked for an Etch-A-Sketch on eBay,
You've researched "Models without Photoshop",
You've looked into taking piano lessons,
You've joined some new activist group,
You've started a new blog, 
You've forgotten you've started a new blog,
You end up looking up the meaning of "eccentric" again because that's what you started off doing.

 (I actually just went through my history for the past couple of hours and listed my activities...)

This is how you end up getting on Craiglist on some egg donor add.  Pretty much every day is like this for me.  And each day while searching for jobs I somehow always end up on Craigslist.

At first I laughed and thought:  "Who would do this??"  Then I thought:  "Why WOULDN'T I do this??!"  In the end I figured there was no harm in looking into it.  The going rate for an egg is around $10,000.  And I'm not doing anything with mine at the moment, so I thought it was a no-brainer.  I'm in perfect health, I've never been pregnant, and I'm educated (supposedly.)  These are the three main things egg donors look for.

Turns out, I'm the perfect candidate.  Except for the fact that my eggs are too old.

Apparently, couples only want eggs from women under a certain age.

Today, the egg donor company sent me a nice letter, but basically said my eggs were expired and that I should throw them away before they started to smell.  (At least this is how I interpreted their email.)  They also said I should throw away all hopes and subsequent dreams.  (Not in the email either , but rather implied.)

 Left: Good Egg                      Right:  My Egg 

This came as quite the shock.  I happen to also be in the best shape of my life:  mentally, physically, and spiritually.  I'm what you would consider a "rational adult" and as my grandma would say:  "Healthy as a horse."  People should be lining up for my eggs.  (Literally.)

Well, no one is in my line.  Which is sad, because eggs are delicious.

After hearing the bad news, I forwarded the email that said I was:  ridiculously-old-and-should-be-doing-other-things-with-my-life-than-filling-out-egg-donor-applications-on-Craigslist to my domestic partner...

He replied back and said that he loves eggs and eats them even well after the expiration date.  In fact just last night, he ate a dozen eggs.

Which then made me hungry for an omelette....

So I'm going to head to the store to get ingredients for omelettes now...Just after I get on the Internet and jack around for a couple more hours while supposedly looking up omelette recipes.

Who knows what I'll end up signing up for by the end the day.

I need this shirt.

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned?

• Eggs Are Delicious.
• Apparently, You Should Throw Them Away After The Expiration Date Though. .
• I'm Going To Make Omelettes.

Let Me Ask You?

Do you love eggs??  How long do you thing eggs are good for??  Have you ever had eggs after their expiration date??  Would you buy one of mine for $10,000??

Forever, Blogging About Stories of My Life You Never Knew You Wanted to Know in The First Place,

Miss Oakley

Other stories of my life:

I Am Ill, I Eat Out of My Trash Can, and I'm Probably a Raccoon

A Christmas Story of Inappropriate Awkwardness

The Professor: Otherwise Known As The Worst Date Of My Life

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow me on Twitter @MissOakley 

**PS, If you're a fan of the blog you could become a "Follower" and have posts emailed to you.  It's a pretty elite and exclusive group of followers...so consider yourself lucky.  It's like winning the lottery...Except minus the money part.