Bathroom Attendants, Sled Dogs, and Living In My Car

Dear Readers,

It's another day, and I've found more things I feel the need to share with you.  All of which, I'm sure you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.


I have come to a decision and I want to share it with the world.  So for the many many readers of this mess of a blog...I would like to inform you of my decision and have an open dialog of discussion.


I've decided I need to move out of my apartment.  Mainly due to the fact that they keep raising my rent and it's now to a level that is completely ridiculous.  


For what I pay, I should have:

• My own personal Butler.
• A Valet to park my car.
• A Chef.
• A Shoe-Shiner.
• And a Bathroom Attendant.

**Side note:  How great/awkward would it be to have your own bathroom attendant??  I mean...Would you have to tip them every time??  Or would it be included in your rent??

When I moved into this place about two years ago I was under the impression that this would be a short term thing.  At the time, my Former Domestic Partner and I decided to take a break and separate.  The plan was to have a trial separation, reunite the magic, and then I'd move back into our shared residence.

Two days into moving out I realized that this was not going to happen.  My once temporary situation, turned into the real deal.

Which worked out perfectly.  Because during my irrationality and delusion I picked the most expensive place in town to live.

My criteria for determining a residence in my state of despair was:
1) If it had a Pool.
2) If it was close to Target.
3) And if I could have large sized dogs.  (At the time I had an Alaskan Malamute and a Siberian Husky).

Evidence of large sized dogs...

 It's not like they are destructive or anything...So I don't see why apartment complexes don't allow you to have gigantic sized sled dogs??  Makes no sense if you ask me.

Turns out, there aren't very many places that allow you to lived in a confined space with two sled dogs.  How weird is that??

**Side note:  How great was Paul Walker in "Eight Below"??  Man, that is a great movie.  That Paul Walker can act.  Three words:  FAST AND FURIOUS.  Actually, the dude is kind of cute.  I'd pretty much watch him in anything he did.  He could do a Sham Wow infomercial and I'd DVR the thing and watch it twice.  I'd probably buy a couple of Sham Wows while I was at it.  My main point is that:  I love dogs and Paul Walker is a babe.

Where was I going with this??  Oh yeah...

So my main criteria (at the time of delusion) was:  a pool, proximity to Target, and if they'd let me have two sled dogs in a 600 square foot apartment.

I was only going to be at the apartment for a couple weeks anyway.  Once my Former Domestic Partner realized the error of his ways, I'd move back.  So it didn't matter that it was ridiculously expensive.


Two years later...

I'm still here.

My rent has been raised several times.  However, nothing has been changed.  I think if you are going to raise my rent I should get cool new stuff in my apartment...Like my own hot tub, or a steam room, or my own personal home theater (including a popcorn and or snow cone machine)...SOMETHING.  At least some new window treatments (these things are hideous).  Alas, nothing has been changed or updated.   In fact, I think this place has gotten worse.  That might be because of me inhabiting the place for a couple years...However, I like to think that's not the case.

So it has been decided by my committee of financial advisers (myself), that I shall move out of my overpriced apartment and into something more reasonable.  Once "My Saturday Situation" has been resolved that is (aka I become gainfully employed).  Turns out, apartment complexes also do not allow persons who are waking up to nothing but straight up Saturdays to sign a lease.  I guess they want to make sure that there is a way that the renter can actually pay their rent. It seems silly to me, but the rules are the rules.  I've also been tossing the idea of getting/becoming a roommate.  However, I haven't lived with another actual human being in these past two years and I am uncertain how awesome of a roommate I'd be.  Evidence of my uncertain-roommate-awesome-qualities can be found at this blog post:  "Dog Roommates, Big Pun, and My Closet".

My hopes for today's blog post is to get some open dialog around my living situation.  I'm open to any and all ideas folks.  The only thing I ask is that your ideas don't consist of telling me:  TO LIVE IN MY CAR.  Not that I'm above living in my car or anything.  Because I totally would.  It's paid for and it has a good sound system.  However, I've tried sleeping in the back of that thing and it's just not comfortable.  I also don't know where I'd put my TV at.


Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• Paul Walker is a great actor and "Eight Below" should have won several awards.
• Sled dogs make for good apartment dwellers. 
• I'd live in my car if I could figure out a way to plug in my hot rollers.

So, I Ask You:
Do you or do you not tip your own bathroom attendant??  Or should that be something that is included in your rent??  Do you think "Eight Below" is highly under-rated??  What are your feelings on Paul Walker??  Would you watch a Sham Wow infomercial if he was in it??  And finally...Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do about my apartment situation??



Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley


 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

I Am Ill, I Eat Out of My Trash Can, and I'm Probably a Raccoon

Dear Readers,

I have some news I feel I need to share with you all.  I was going to blog about a re-cap of Thanksgiving...However, due to a recent turn of events I have changed my mind.

In a news twist that has no one expected...I am ill.  Now, this could be because of many reasons.  I am inclined to think however, this is the result of what happens after a day of eating baked goods out of your trash can...Combined with large amounts of tuna fish.

So due to my activities in the last 24 hours...I'm the illest.  (Not even cool rap/hip hop ill either).  Like, ill ill.

Let me explain myself...

So Thanksgiving was last weekend right??  And you know how the whole Thanksgiving-leftovers-and-Someones-mom-thing works out right??  For those of you that don't know how this works:

A Mom + Leftovers + Thanksgiving = You Going Home With A Trunk Load of Turkey in Your Prius.  


This is basically what happened.  But instead of turkey, we had a trunk full of baked goods.  (Actually my boo ended up with the desserts...but due to our union...if he ends up with something...so do I.)

At-any-rate-let-me-get-back-to-my-point...

We drive back from Thanksgiving at his mother's house and end up with the trunk of his Prius filled with desserts.  On the way back we decided the best thing to do was to throw the desserts in the dumpster as soon as we get home.  (This was Saturday.)

This does not happen.

The boo said he was going to throw them away and I was under the impression that they had been disposed of.

So we spend the rest of the weekend doing what we do (hitting up breakfast buffets and watching movies).

When Monday morning comes around, it turns out that the desserts are in fact, still in the trunk of his Prius.

He then gifts the desserts to me.  I think it was an act of love.  However, I was outraged.

Yet, not outraged enough to throw them away.  I bring them into my apartment with the full intention of throwing them away.

So I did.

Then I got hungry.

Due to the fact that I live with NO ONE, and NO ONE would find out...I start eating desserts out of my own trash can.

Don't judge.

By 7am Monday morning I had eaten my way through a pumpkin pie, half of an apple pie, and approximately 13 brownies.

By the end of the day I finished off all of the brownies (probably 2 batches) and then a jumbo bag of peanut M&M's.  Additionally, I also decided to eat a bunch of tuna fish.  I need to go grocery shopping and that's all I had sitting around....Regardless, I felt like it made a lot of sense:


Tuna Fish + Baked Goods From Your Trash = Fun           Right???  Wrong.

It equals a situation.  I am now ill.  And not rap/hip hop ill either.  I'm legit sick.

I wonder why???

At any rate, I learned my lesson.  Alright, actually I don't think I'll ever learn my lesson.  To be honest with you, this is probably the 100th time I've thrown something away, only to go back and eat it later.  As you can tell, I'm a class act.

It's a good thing I live with No One, and No One will ever find out about my classiness.  Unless I were to blog about it.  But why would I do something like that??

Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned?

• Mom's will always fill the trunk of your Prius up with food.
• I'm ill.  But not in a cool way.
• Much like your neighborhood raccoon, I eat out of the garbage can.

So I Ask You:

Does your mom, or a mom that you know ever do this??  Has Thanksgiving made you ill??  

Do you feel like my behavior is similar to a raccoon's??  

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Stuff I Miss This Monday

Dear Readers,

Once again, I find myself wanting to share with you things that you never knew you wanted to know.  Specifically, I wanted to share with you things that I miss.  Now this topic for the post today has been highly researched and contemplated on thoroughly.  AKA...I thought of the first couple things that came to mind and wrote this blog up in about 4 minutes.  (Sorry and you're welcome...)

What started the deep thought process of crap that I miss...Is the fact that I got a new cell phone.  For years and years I have had to have a Blackberry for work...However, I decided to take the plunge and break up with my last Blackberry and start courting a new Android.  My Blackberry was slow.  I'd send texts and tweets...only for people to receive them the next day.  It was almost faster to write a letter.

So I took matters into my own hands, and said goodbye to 2007.  I told my Blackberry:  "It's not me, It's you."

(What really happened was that my Blackberry needed a new battery.  The new battery was $50.  My boo found a deal on this droid phone for $60.)  So this is what rationalized my purchase.  Since I've been waking up to nothing but Saturdays ("My Saturday Situation and The American Dream") for about a year now/have been umemployed.  All major purchases (anything over $5) have had to go through a rigorous analitical purchasing process.  At any rate, I was able to justify this purchase...Rationally.

My boo has since set up my new phone (because he knows what he's actually doing), and it's basically the bomb.  I can text and tweet til my little heart is content.  So watch out world.  I'm about to be all up in your business.

As I made this transition to the new cell phone I started to reminisce of simpler times and made a list of things that over the years I've missed:

Beepers.  Not because they were awesome.  Actually, there were super inconvenient.  Once someone "paged" you, you had to then find a phone (and back then there were pay phones)...and therefore needed to have some change on hand to actually make a phone call...It was a whole process kids.  None of this texting/cell phone stuff kids.  But mainly what I miss is the pager background music.  I'd always record my message with Keith Sweat  or Genuwine crooning in the background...My message would go a little something like this:
"Hey it's your girl Miss Oakley.  Holla if ya hear me.  You know what to do..."  (Beeeeep..)


AOL Chat rooms.  Remember the time when you wanted to get online you had to ask your entire family to get off the phone...then wait the 5 minutes it took to dial up and get online??  There was no such thing as wi-fi.  Now, I don't miss having to wait forever to get online...I miss the sweet chat rooms.  Once, when I was 13 I fell in love with 13 year old boy named "Tyler".  Turns out "Tyler" was actually an older gentleman residing in Florida.


Perms and bangs.  Just kidding.  I re-tried the bang thing a couple years ago.  Turns out, they still look hideous on me.  A lot of girls can pull off bangs...I'm just not one of those girls.  But the important things is that I tried....I now am growing them out and if I ever should want to "try" again...Someone PLEASE talk me out of it.  Now perms, pretty much look bad on everyone.  I don't miss the actual perm itself.  I miss the feeling of "unity" when one of your friends got a wicked bad home perm the night before and shows up to school the next day looking a mess.  I miss that feeling of "sisterhood"...because I knew EXACTLY how she felt...Because most likely I myself, had a bad home perm situation a couple months prior.  My mom was notorious for giving me home perms the night before school pictures.  I think she did this out of love...However, I question her reasoning.  


Regular cameras.  You know the ones where you have to take the film out to get developed before you even know what you actually took a picture of?? Nothing was more fun my freshman year of college, than going to Walmart and picking up my most recent series of pictures.  Now with digital cameras, you can automatically delete any horrible pictures at the time you take them...Not back in the day kids.  That stuff got printed...and it was up to you what you decided to do with your horrible pictures.  I found that it was hard to throw away photos...No matter how horrible I looked in them.  Which is why I have boxes of pictures that I will never show another person.  Thanks 90's.


The 90's.  In general.  You can't beat 90's R and B, Hip Hop, and Rap.  I dare you to even try.


So Let's Reflect, What did We Learn?

• I got a new phone.
• My beeper messages were classic.
• Perms are always a bad idea.
• The 90's were dope.

So I ask you:

What do you miss??  Do you think perms are always a bad idea??  Do you think the 90's were dope??  Why or why not??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Ten Things in Ten Minutes on Thanksgiving Eve

Dear Readers,


There are ten things that I wanted to share with you today.  Due to my very important schedule, I have about ten minutes to write this post.  So therefore, on this Thanksgiving Eve I will be writing about:  Ten Things I'm Thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Oh, and they are also the first ten things that came to my mind.  At this point I'm not even sure myself what I'm going to write.  


Ten Things in Ten Minutes that I'm Thankful for This Thanksgiving Eve:

1. Sweatpants.  I love them.  They are comfortable and they just make sense.  I literally wouldn't know what to do without them.
2. "Keeping it Real".  Not actually keeping it real...but the phrase itself.  It just works.  
3. That I fit in most of my pants.  Seriously.  
4. My Boo.  Mainly because he actually let's me refer to him as "My Boo" and puts up with most of my ridiculousness.  I'm sure he's thankful that he's #4 on the list after: sweatpants, keeping it real, and me fitting in my pants.  (This isn't a list of priorities...it's a list of randomness). This is exactly what I'm talking about...he puts up with this/me. 
5. "Can't Tell Me Nothin"- Zach Galifianakis does Kanye West  Basically, everything on Funny or Die makes me laugh.  Which I'm Thankful for.  Oh, "The Landlord" with Will Ferrell is another favorite on funnyordie.com
6. You Tube.  Alright, the secret is out:  I like to spend time looking up very important things on the internets.
7. Anderson Cooper, Nate Berkus, Neil Patrick Harris, and LLCoolJ.  I love those guys.
8. That I sleep with a Thesaurus.  I love words.  The actual word, "Word" is a good word.  Word??
9. The rap music.  I love it and I wouldn't be who I am today without it.  
10. "The League".  Best show, hands down on TV.  If you're not already watching it, you need to get after it.  It will change your life.  
11. That all my Prom Dresses Still Fit.  You never know. (Oh yeah, I tried them all on yesterday as I was "organizing" my closet.)
12. Puppies, Kitties...Just Animals in General.
13. And finally, that people from all over:  the US, Scotland, France, Germany, Russia, Albania, Sweden, one of the Koreas, as well as, Trinidad and Tobago have read this blog.  Keep up the good work everyone.  

Alright, and so there are the ten things I'm most thankful for in the last ten minutes on this Thanksgiving Eve.  Ok, 13 things.  Close.

**Oh yeah, details of the complete rundown of my closet debacle from yesterday to come.  So many things happened and I couldn't even begin to write about them in ten minutes.

Let's Reflect, What have We Learned??

• I like to keep it real.  Not actually, but I like to say "I like to keep it real."
• I spend a lot of time on the internet watching awesome stuff.
• This blog is an International travesty.  But seriously, thank you...to all three of you who read this.   And my apologies in advance to the world for all future blog posts.

So, I ask you:

Do you like to keep it real??  What are the first ten things that come to mind that you're thankful for??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more things you never knew you wanted to know throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Dog Roommates, Big Pun, and My Closet

Dear Readers,

I wanted to share with you what a person does on a Tuesday.  This particular person happens to be in their 11th month of "Being Awesome"/aka unemployed...and has some free time on their hands.

This person may or may be me.

I haven't lived with an actual other human being for about two years now.  A couple of dogs...Yes.  A actual person??  No.


My Former Roommates: 

Ciara and Squeaker

Ciara

Squeaker

Pooh Bear

A weirdo and Mr. Bingley

This is probably for the best.

Why??  Well, right now my apartment is completely covered in clothes.  Literally every inch of my place is covered in clothes.  There's stacks of ish everywhere.  But you know what??  No one but me knows about the mess I've got going on right now.

Alright, now you know.  But other than that.  No one else knows.  I'm pretty sure my secret is safe with you.

The thing about living by yourself is that you basically are accountable to NO ONE.  If I wanted to sit around in my pj's all day on the couch and eat cereal...No one would know.  Therefore, no one would care. Have I actually done this??  The answer is:  Yes.  Until I ran out of cereal.

Don't judge.  You try and "Be Awesome"/unemployed for 11 months and tell me you don't find yourself sometimes eating entire boxes of cereal while watching "The Nate Berkus Show".  (Sidenote:  I love him).

I've thought about putting up surveillance cameras throughtout my apartment and live-feeding my situation 24/7 online...only to keep myself accountable.  Also, I'm sure there are a lot of people out there that would love to watch what I do throughout the day.  I got this idea from watching this Shiba Inu Puppy live web cam.  Seriously, earlier this year I straight up watched puppies play...for hours.  If they can do it (the puppies), so could I right??  I'm not sure if almost 30 million people would watch my live feed......But still...it's an option.

IF there were cameras throughout this place this is what you would have seen today:

• Me eating cereal for about an hour this morning.  (I was really hungry).  And then watching some YouTube videos. (Aka catching up on the news).
• Me doing some homework.  
• Me tanning.  Sunless tanning that is.  
• Me doing my eyebrows.  I now don't look Bert from Sesame Street.  There are two completely separate eyebrows.
• And then me having  the genius idea of cleaning out my closet...

Which brings me to this blog post. I'm taking a break.  I have gone too far this time.  I'm NOT a quitter...but seriously cleaning up this mess right now would take a Hazmat team.  I actually considered for a minute to call Merry Maids.  But that's ridiculous.  Even for me.

So for the past 4-ish hours I've been getting after my closet situation and intermittently dancing to Big Pun.  That guys is right:  I DON'T wanna be a player no more.

Actually, I don't wanna be cleaning out my closet no more.

So this is my attempt to put my life "out there"...on the internets...and try to keep myself accountable and finish my little project.

Will I finish??  No one knows...

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned:

• I've not lived with an actual person for years, just dogs.  And it's for the best.
• I love Nate Berkus.
• I love puppies and Big Pun.
• I don't wanna be a player or clean my closet.

So, I ask you:

Do dogs make good roommates??  What are your thoughts on Big Pun??  Do you still wanna be a player?? Do you want to clean my closet??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

My Saturday Situation and The American Dream

Dear Readers,

I feel the need to share more important information with you.  This contains more things that you never knew you wanted to know.  As always, this is based on factual information and with much research.   

The facts are my life and the research has be done by me...on myself.

I feel the need to explain "My Saturday Situation".  Saturdays are awesome right??  You get to sleep in and do whatever you want.


(I am basing this scenerio on a perfect world.  One is which you do not have to run errands and get a million things done.)


Imagine waking up to nothing but Saturdays.  No work, just awesomeness.  Sounds amazing right??

Well I've been waking up to just Saturdays for about 10 months now.  Some may refer to my situation as "Being Unemployed".  I however, like to refer to is as "Everyday is Saturday."

I was laid off in the beginning of the year.  No one feel sorry for me.  I don't feel sorry for myself, and neither should you.  Normally, this would be considered a horrible situation.  But for me it has been a turning point in my life and I look at it as a straight up blessing.  At the time, it made zero to no sense.  However, now, upon reflection, it makes complete sense.  It changed my life.  I was literally thrown a second chance.  That almost never happens.

I had it all.  The whole thing.  I was living "The American Dream"**

**"The American Dream" Explained:  For all of my International readers and those of you that may not have heard about This-Whole-American-Dream-Thing.  Here's what it consists of:

• A House.
• A Partner who Resides in Above Stated House With You.
• Sometimes you are married to this person.  Sometimes you are not.  Sometimes due to ridiculous laws you are not allowed to marry this person.  
• A Blossoming Career.
• A Couple of Dogs...(Plants or Kids ould also be inserted/substituted here)
• In my particular case I just had the Dogs...No Plants or Kids.  
• Side-note:  For all of you parents out there:

•  I realize that Plants and Dogs are not the same thing as actual Children.  
• Not having Plants or Kids was a conscious effort on my part.  
• My personal feeling was that my inability to raise and keep one alive was indicitive of the inability to do the same with the second...
• Therefore, since one of those items kept withering up on me...I decided not to go with the second option.
• You decide which one of those items I accidently forgot to water for a couple of weeks and therefore shut down shop on the idea of the second.
• Oh, and since it's America...I had a bunch of TV's, an Excessive Amount of Electronics, and More Vehicles than there were Actual Household Residents.
• Additionally, I had a lot of things in bulk.  Americans like to Buy In Bulk.  Who needs 1,000 rolls of toilet paper??  We do.  This is America.  

I had it all.  Everything.  I could see my entire life play out in my head.  I knew how things would go and I knew I would be fine.

But I didn't want to be JUST FINE.

I wanted more.

Yes, I realize I'm American  I have a passport that says so.  Also, I think my birth certificate states the same thing.

Yet, I don't share the same dream.  My dream looks a little different.  It took a while to come to terms with that.  To allow my "American Dream" to be different.  

So I walked away.  From it all.

Here is the series of events that took place after I decided to flip the script:

• I moved out of my shared residence (my home.)
• I moved into an apartment (aka 600 Square Feet of Possibilities.)
• I parted ways with my domestic partner.
• I was laid off (this was not part of the plan...but it happened nonetheless)
• I dated for the first time since I was 22.  (The Professor)  It did not go well.
• I turned thirty.  
• I decided to go to Grad school and completely change careers.

(There were also a series of unfortunate events that also occurred at the same time...However, it is unimportant.  Why??  Because it's not the unfortunate events that happen in life that are going to define me.  I am not my circucumstances.  Therefore, these things will not be included.) 

So here I am, thirty years old, non-married, back in college, living in an apartment (of 600 square feet of possibilities), and waking up to nothing but Saturdays.  Every single day.

There's a couple of ways I could look at my "My Saturday Situation".  I'm choosing to embrace it and make my Saturdays count.

Turns out..."My Saturday Situation" is also my personal "American Dream".  It also turns out that me wanting More out of life, involved Less actual things.

Let's Reflect:  What have we learned:

• Saturdays are Awesome
• "The American Dream" involves an excessive amount of electronics and buying in bulk.
• Plants are not the same thing as Children .

So I ask You:
Have you ever had a plant and forgot to water if for...Oh...let's say a month or so??  If you happen to be American:  Do you or do you not love to buy in bulk??  What would you do if you woke up to nothing but Saturdays??



Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

An Inside Look: The Process of Getting a New Girl Friend

Dear Readers,

Once again I feel the urge to share with you things that you never knew you wanted to know about.  I am compelled to get a dialog started about a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  It's almost never talked about.  It's kind of one-of-those-things-that-everyone-knows-but-nobody-wants-to-admit-it.  The proverbial elephant in the room if you will.  What am I talking about??  I'm talking about the process of getting a new girl friend.  The process a grown woman goes through to befriend another member of the similar gender.  This could also be referred to as "making a new friend."  I like to call it: New-Girl-Friend-Ing.  (It's catchy and it works).

I'm just going to be straight up with it.  It's hard to make new girl friends after a certain age.


That age being: Right now.  

It was so easy to make friends when I was seven...You were friends with whoever was in your class...or whoever you played with at recess...or whoever happened to be your neighbor.  No questions asked.  "Oh, you live next door??"  "Perfect. You shall be my friend."  Why will we be friends??  For reasons only being proximity based.  Nothing else.  No shared common interests or life long goals...Just hey...I'm bored, you're bored...I noticed you lived across the street.   Let's hang out for our entire childhood.

Fast forward to middle and high school...More processes are involved but still friendships are made by sharing proximity related events.  "Hey, we're both on the basketball team.  We shall be friends."  "Hey, your locker is next to mine.  Let's be friends for the next four years." "Hey, I noticed you are in my gym class and also forgot your gym shorts.  We shall be friends."  Ok, it was a little more involved than that...and often times a little more dramatic...But there never was a time where you ever ran out of potential new best friends.

Fast forward to college.  Super easy to make friends.  I think that's what they actually invented college for.  I haven't done all of the research on it...but I'm pretty sure on this one.  You could be friends with anyone for any reason.  Actually, you didn't have to have a reason.  You could just befriend anyone.  At any time.

Fast forward to now.  I'm thirty.  Not super easy to make friends.  Maybe this is just me, but hear me out...

Dudes, high-five to a sunset.

Girl/Girl friendships are much different than Guy/Guy friendships.  I have literally watched a grown man walk up to another grown man at the gym and say "What's up?"  After a short exchange of basically NOTHING one dude walks away with the other dude's phone number and they've decided to text each other and meet up over the weekend.  It was as easy as that:  "Hey, I'm at the gym and you're at the gym.  We shall be friends."  The two new guy friends high-five it out and BOOM friends forever.  If they really were into the new friendship they may even high-five Top Gun style.

Now, if I were to walk up to another girl at the gym...while she's doing lunges or something...and want to strike up a conversation...I would not have the same results.  I could never just walk up to another member of my gender and say "Hey, let's hang out this weekend.  Then maybe be new best friends."  It wouldn't go over well.  That's now how my gender operates folks.

Additionally...even if I were to do that... Most likely, that other girl already has her set number of girlfriends.  And there's not room in the club for any new members.  There isn't even a "waiting list".  

Now, it is important to note my extenuating circumstances (and therefore reasons that this process has been more personally difficult.)

• I live in a city where I am not from.  
• Actually, I live in a state where I'm not originally from.  
• None of my family live in the same state as I do.  
• I've also always had jobs where I worked from home and the only co-worker I saw on a daily basis was my own mug in the mirror.  For most of my professional career I traveled excessively.  Most of my free time was spent driving from one place to the next, on a plane, or in a hotel somewhere in say...Oklahoma.

As a female who traveled for my job it is not the best idea to announce to strangers that I was looking to make new friends.  So therefore, I crossed that particular friendship tactic off my list.

I realize that my case is an extreme example of how hard it is.  But I can't be alone in feeling this way.

I have since retired from that career and am in the midst of transitioning to something entirely different.  One that doesn't involve me being snowed in, alone, and trapped in Sioux City, Iowa for four straight days.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that it has been hard over the past several years to make new girl friends.

Since retiring from traveling for my job 24/7 and now going to Grad school full time instead... I have made it my point of trying to befriend other ladies.  And it has certainly been a learning experience.  Giving another girl my phone number...in hopes that she will call/text and want to someday hang out...IS TERRIFYING.

What if she never calls??
What happens when she never calls and I run into her at Target or something??
Do we just try and not make eye contact and pretend we don't see each other??
What if she actually DOES call/text??  What will we do??
When we do hang out how soon is too soon to introduce her to my friends?
What if I introduce her to my friends and they don't like her??
What if she doesn't like pets or early 90's rap music??  (An actual concern of mine...)

What if this??  What it that??  There's a lot of internal dialog going on in my head.

Here's the account of a New-Girl-Friend-ing situation that went down about a year ago:

There has been this girl that I've been acquaintances with for several years.  (We share a mutual friend).  I would see her at this mutual friend's Holiday parties every couple of years.  And that's how I knew her.  I knew her name and that she was friends with my friend.  And that we both sometimes attended this friends Holiday party.  That's really it.  Well last year, I took the plunge.  I decided it was going to be the year that I put myself out there and tried to plant the seed of a long lasting and beautiful friendship.  This was not an easy decision to come to...Yet, I knew it was now or never.

So after I got home from the mutual friends Holiday party.  I did some research.  And by "research" I mean I looked her up on Facebook.  After completion of my extensive research I decided to step off that cliff and sent a friend request.  I also decided to send her a message letting her know how much fun I had at the party with her...That would should hang out sometime....Oh, and here's my phone number...Should she happen to ever want to hang out.

Once I sent the message I immediately wanted to un-send the message.  But you can't un-send a message once it's been sent.

So I waited.

For months.

Four or Five months go by and I don't hear back from her.  I replay our conversation at the mutual friends holiday party over and over in my mind.  I question everything.  Was it something I said??  Was it something I did??  Was it the way I laugh really loud sometimes and then snort afterwards??  There was no way of knowing...

Then one day she messages me back and says "Yeah, we should totally hang out.  Here's my number.  Call me sometime.  Yay!!  New friend!!"  She actually said "Yay, New Friend!!"

THE JOY IN MY HEART THAT I FELT AT THAT EXACT MOMENT WAS ALMOST UNBEARABLE.

I was on the cusp of a new friendship and it felt amazing.  Pictures of us growing old together and watching re-runs of 90210 flashed in my mind.  MY HEART WAS RACING.  The friendship opportunities were limitless.  This could be the beginning of the most beautiful friendship in the history of friendship-dom.

I text her.  We hang out.

We hang out some more.

We've been hanging out ever since.

And our new friendship is a beautiful thing.  Nevermind that she's probably deleting my number right now as she's reading this.  The important thing was that I put myself out there and got a new girl friend.

The whole getting-a-new-girlfriend process is terrifying.  Almost more terrifying than dating.  Because when you date someone that most likely will be short lived.  But a new girl-friend is someone who you could potentially be friends with forever.  And the risk, dear readers, is worth it.  Isn't it??


Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• The process for making friends greatly changes as you get older.
• Guys make friends differently than girls do.
• I have a new girl friend.  

So I Ask You?
What are your thoughts on getting a new friend as you get older??  Do you think guys make friend easier than girls do??  Do you think I should stop blogging and get a life??

Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

"I Am From"

Dear Readers,

As all of you know (my mom, and the two friends that read this)...I'm back in school.  One day...three years from now I shall be a Rehabilitation Counselor.  For one of my Counseling classes this semester I had an assignment where I needed to write a poem about myself.  The poem needed to describe how my background contributed to the person I am today.  When I first read through this assignment I thought:  "This is going to be easy."  My second thought was: "There has to be some way I can incorporate Bone Thugz and Harmony into this thing."   I absolutely could not write a poem about my life and leave those guys out.  It would be a travesty.  

When I actually sat down to write it, I realized it was in fact not easy.  First of all, I couldn't remember the last time I wrote an actual poem.  Or, if I ever had.  Secondly, I had to summarize my life into this poem...in order to  make sense of why I am the way that I am (sidenote: that could be a book in itself).  I also had to be completely honest with myself.  So writing this took a lot longer that I thought it would.  It was tough.    

Naturally, in a class of future Therapists, we needed to share our poems and our correlated feelings to those poems.  So we had to read our poems aloud to our classmates and collectively reflect on our experiences.  It takes a lot to make me nervous...and reading my poem made me nervous.  I felt like I should of just worn a t-shirt that said:

"My Life Hasn't Been Perfect, And It Still Isn't Perfect, However I'm Giving This Thing Called Life My Best Shot".  (However, apparently no one makes those t-shirts...)  So I was on my own.  

What we learned from each other is that:  There wasn't a single person in that room that had had a perfect life.   Everyone's stories were different, unique, and imperfect.  And it was beautiful.  So in a room of twenty future Therapists we bared our souls, told our stories, and "Got Real". 

No worries...I'm not turning this blog into a place where I'm just posting my homework.  I do however want to keep myself accountable and grow as a person.  The only way I can do this is to put my life "out there".  That's why I started blogging in the first place.  When I am vulnerable things become clearer, and in turn I grow.  **Deep**  Also, true.

I know most of you want to read about really horrible dating mishaps, stories of my awkwardness, and borderline embarrassing follies....And trust me you will.  I have SO MUCH MATERIAL to work with.   Yet, today I had a moment where I had to "Get Real" with myself.  And I thought about this poem.  It's pretty real...so I thought I'd share.

“I Am From"

 I AM FROM…

I am from David and Debra, Horace and Cletha, Lamonte and Juanita.

From southwestern Missouri and rural Arkansas,

From a former booming manufacturing city and now a crime ridden land of inopportunity,

I am from a family of brothers.  From playing “kick the can” until it was dark out; to playing football in the yard.

From pizza lovers, peanut butter and jelly eaters, and a make-whatever-you-can-find in the fridge household,

From inconsistency, instability, humility, and often hilarity.   From a “fake it until you make it” attitude, a “laugh so you don’t cry” mentality.

I am from hard working, blue collared, factory workers.  From a family with the highest education being high school.

I am from the 80’s.  From the “Cosby Show”, hair bands, and acid-washed  jeans.

From a strict Baptist family; who eventually converted to less conservative Evangelicals.

From a family consisting entirely of Republicans.  From Reagan to George W. Bush.  I am the outsider.

I am from a pet loving family.  From dogs, cats, ducks, to bunnies; and once, a turtle found on the side of the road.

I am from an urban city, and yet, a rural school.  From high crime and gangs, to cornfields and tractors.

I am from Bone Thugz and Harmony, 2Pac, and the Notorious B.I.G.   From Bryan Adams to Richard Marx.

From missteps, to re-starts, and often utter ambiguousness.

My own path blazed out of a pure desire to succeed and yearning for something more.

From living life out of necessity; to living in truth and with purpose.

So there you have it.  That's where I'm from.

Where are you from??  Would Bone Thugz make it into your poem??  If not, who would?? 

Forever Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted to Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my profound thoughts throughout the day...Follow me on twitter @MissOakley

Transitions: From Miss to Ma'am

Dear Readers,


There is more information I feel I need to share with you.  As always, this is based on factual information and with much research.  The facts are my life and the research has be done by me...on myself.


I need to go to Target and get a couple things...(bananas, gum, moisturizer)...you know... important stuff.  


This post isn't about my shopping list.  I need to explain my thought process that compelled me to write this thing...


So I'm in my apartment making a shopping list...When BOOM I have a flashback of something that went down at Target a couple years ago.


Let me set the scene for you.


Here's an Outline of My Recollection of the Scenery:

• The Target:  the one on Mills Civic (in West Des Moines...Iowa).  It's a Super Target actually.  So you can literally get everything there.  food, kitty litter, a bedspread, a coordinating rug to the bedspread if so desired...etc.
• The Weather:  I remember I was wearing sweat pants.  So it could have been any day really.  Let's just say it the temperature was moderate that day.
• The Time:  I know it was at dusk.  I don't like driving in the dark.
• The Location:  The exact location was the check out line.
• My Haircut:  Horrible.  I'm just describing what I remember.  I had a horrible haircut, fact.
• My Age:  At the time I was 28. 

Now that I've set the scene, I need to tell you about the actual event that occurred.

Here's What Went Down at Target:
Me:  purchase important things such as bananas, gum, moisturizer...
Me:  Swipe debit card for payment
Teenage Checkout Boy with Recent Highlights and Clearly a Spray Tan:  "Uh, Ma'am do you want cash back?"
Me:  Looks at him blankly
Teenage Checkout Boy with Recent Highlights and Clearly a Spray tan: "Ma'am??"
Me:  Looks behind myself.
Me:  Looks around for this "Ma'am" he's talking to.
Me:  Realizes that I am the "Ma'am".
Me:  Heart sinks knowing my days of being referred to as "Miss" are numbered.
Me:  "No, thank you.  I don't need any cash back."  I would however would like you to take that comment back. (Which I didn't say...but I thought it...LOUDLY...in my head though...but still it was loud.)


**It is important to note that this was the first time I have ever been referred to as "Ma'am".  Up until this point I had always been "Miss"...


I keep my act together like the adult that I am and go out to my car.  I then talk myself out any type of emotional theatrics.  I crank up Snoop Dogg in my car and drive home.

I'm ok until I get home...up until I got to into the bathroom.  I was putting away the Target stuff...Then...I glanced at myself in the mirror on the way out:

What I had a glimpse of was a 28 year old me...with a wicked bad haircut.

Then it turned into a One-Way-Ticket-To-Cry-Town.  No stops, no layovers

I BOO-HOO it up.  I start cried like it was my job.

(I would like to point out that I rarely ever cry...however, I realize that a lot my posts involve me crying....On a regular day the only thing that makes me cry are those ASPCA commercials with the sad looking dogs...Other than that, I'm pretty solid.)


So I'm crying like it's nobody's business.  I'm home alone, so who cares.


This will be just between me and the mirror.  


Then...I hear the garage door open....Which meant my former domestic partner was now home. 


He walks into the house expecting to encounter a rational person.

He does not.

Here's What He Finds:
He finds me in the bathroom.  I have my face two inches from the mirror and I'm crying like no other.  My first words to him were:
Me:  "Do you still think I'm a Miss??"
Former Domestic Partner:  Has no idea what I'm talking about.
Me:  "DO I LOOK LIKE A MISS OR A MA'AM??"  
Former Domestic Partner:  Shakes his head with disbelief and with knowing exactly what went down, "Oh no...What now...Who called you a Ma'am?  Tell me what happened."


I tell him what happened.  He laughs.  And to make me feel better he says, "You realize you are crying about some teenage boy that probably needed a work permit to even get a job there...that called you ma'am instead of miss right?"  He does not get the seriousness of the situation. He has no idea what the Miss-to-Ma'am transition is like.  Guys don't have to deal with this. 


I then call all my friends and ask them if they've been called "Ma'am"??  They too, had experienced this atrocity. 


So I've been in the transition of going from "Miss" to "Ma'am" for a couple years now.  I successfully went from the whole Girl-to-Miss thing...So I think can do this


So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• Obviously, I'm still letting all this settle in.  I mean c'mon...I named this blog "Observations by MISS Oakley".  I wasn't going to call it "Observations by a Former Miss and Now a Ma'am, Oh and My Last Name is Oakley."  It didn't feel right. 
• Transitioning from Miss to "Ma'am" is a turning point in a woman's life.  Hallmark should make a card to mark the event.
• I need to go to Target and get some things.

So I ask you:  (If you are female) Has this ever happened to you??  How did it make you feel?  (If you are male) Have you ever called a lady "Ma'am" without thought to whether or not she may be in fact a "Miss"?? Should Hallmark make a card to recognize such milestones in life such as the "Miss to Ma'am" transition??


Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Real Talk: Pajama Jeans

Dear Readers,

More invaluable information I feel must be shared...

So, I'm watching the news last night and it started giving me a "Case of the Sads."  I feel like sometimes the media tries to"Out-Sad" us as consumers.  They start off with a sad story...Only to follow it with a story more sad than the first.

For a while there, I stopped watching the news altogether.  The actual news news (on TV).  I still got my info, but I turned to a different source.  That was when I started my love affair with Twitter.  It's been a beautiful relationship ever since.

Ok, so back to my reason for this post...Last night the news was sadding-me-out.  I feel that as a society we aren't discussing the real issues at hand!  We should be taking about Pajama Jeans and we're not.

The other night in class, a friend and I were talking about Pajama Jeans.  How we got on the subject, we will never know.  The class is on Disability Policy (so I'm pretty sure Pajama Jeans were not on topic).  At any rate, this is what we talked about after class.  Between the two of us we could not come up with a conclusion on the subject.  We left it open to interpretation and further discussion.

We, as a country, need to come up with some sort of unified agreement on the subject.  A treaty of sorts.  We need to come to some sort of a decision on this as a society.  Come on, the election is coming up next year...We need to know where we stand on the real issues.  This is going to turn into a full blow crisis if not addressed.  


So I'm just going to put it out there and do what needs to be done.  We need to have some open dialog and discussion about the issue at hand.  


So let's get into it:

REAL TALK:  Pajama Jeans

Are they a Do or are they a Don't??  (I know most of you are screaming in your head that this is clearly a DON'T)...

Hear me out on this one.

As with any major decision we need to weight our options and do a Cost-Benefit analysis.  I went ahead and did this for us.  This is sound data.  I interviewed myself and asked myself some tough questions.  So the Cost-Benefit analysis is pretty much factual.

Benefits to Pajama Jeans (as I see them..):

1. They look super comfortable.
2. Pajama's are soft and friendly.  
3. Who doesn't like pajama's??  (Seriously, WHO...I want names) 
4. Who doesn't like jeans??
5. I'd wear pajama's all day if society said I could.  

Costs to Pajama Jeans:

1. They look ridiculous.
2. They even sound ridiculous.
3. Have we gone so far as a society that we need to combine two great things??  Can't we leave well enough alone?
4. It's not socially acceptable to be a full grown adult and show up to places in your PJ's.  This feeling may transfer over to the PJ Jeans.  There could be some sort of potential political fall out as a result.
5. Didn't we do this last year with the Jegging??

Now, I like jeans.  A lot.  I have a bunch of them.  However, if I had to decide between wearing pajama's 24/7 or jeans 24/7...I'd pick the PJ's.

So that brings us back to the:  "The Pajama-Jean-Situation-of-2011."  I feel like it's a lot like      
"The-Jegging-Crisis-of-2010" all over again.

Before we collectively as a society make our final decision.  Let us look at the facts:

And the facts happen to be this You Tube infomercial and a picture I took at Walmart the other day.

Picture taken by yours truly at WalMart

So I ask you...Could you get away wearing these things??  I'm not talking every day.  But let's say you wake up late, you're rushing, and can't find an outfit to wear...All your clothes are dirty...The only options you have left is between your old prom dress/suit, a soccer uniform from high school, your swim suit, and the Pajama Jeans.  Could you or could you not...under these circumstances...put on a pair of Pajama Jeans and be seen in public??  

I don't know as a society, where we should stand on this issue.  We need to have an official vote or something.  Some sort of conclusion.  If not, I'm going to suggest that this whole thing be a Ballot Proposition in the upcoming Iowa Caucus.

So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• We need to do some REAL TALK and get down to the real issues.
• There are both Costs and Benefits to the Pajama Jean.
• "The-Pajama-Jean-Situation-of-2011" will turn into a full blown crisis if not discussed as a society.

So I ask you:  Where do you stand on this issue?  Are you for or against?  And what is your reasoning for the basis of your decision?  Do you believe that we are in fact on the verge of a crisis situation ??



Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Stuff I Do to Get the Stinkin Out of My Thinkin

Dear Readers,

Have you ever had one of those days where you were just kind of down??  Have you ever woken up and said to yourself:  "WHAT??!  I have to do this mess all over again today??!!"

Well, recently I had one of these days.  There was a whole lot of "Stinkin Thinkin" going on.  I was having a "Case of the Sads" (this is what I call unhappiness...Not a diagnosable term...nor one I will ever use as a future Counselor).  At any rate, I was engulfed in a cloud of negative energy...AKA...Stinkin Thinkin". 


I called one of my girlfriends.  You know that friend that always has something positive to say??  And will listen to your ridiculousness??  If you don't' have a friend like this.  You need to get one.  Go all out and get a couple of them while you're at it.

So, I call my girlfriend and I state my grievencess.  Which at the time seemed highly important...however, now I can not recall.  Anyway, while speaking with above stated awesome girlfriend of mine.  I had an idea.  I said, "Friend, I think I know what needs to be done."  Friend says, "What now?"  I replied, "I need to get all up in the backseat of my car and find my CD case."  Friend, "Oh no."  Me:  "Oh yeah.  It's Jock Jams time!"  Then I go into song and sing a couple excerpts.  Which I'm sure she loved.


Actually, this friend of mine deserves a metal or something.  At least a certificate of some sort.  The things she sometimes has to listen to...are....well...worthy of an award.


Should you ever happen to get into a friendship-situation with me...you'll understand the need for a parade in your honor.  


Anyway, so I'm digging around in the backseat of my car looking for my CD case...


Ok, cool out kids...I know what you're thinking....You're thinking:  :  "Is Miss Oakley stuck in 1992??  Does she not know about ipods ??"  


The answer to to cool-kid-crowd is:  YES.  I'm well aware.  In fact, I fully embrace technology.  I just could never get rid of my vast CD collection.  And by "vast" I mean a couple of 2Pac CD's, some self-made Big Pun Remixes, and some random dance CD's...and for some reason a Jock Jams CD.


Why do I have a Jock Jams CD.  Was I??:
A)  A total athlete in high school.  


OR...


B) Do I happen to love borderline questionable music??


You pick.

Either way, I have a CD from their collection.  


So I find my CD.  But since it is fact, not 1992...I needed to find a way to play the thing.  Yeah, I could have used my computer...but I wanted to get into the whole spirit of the thing...


I called my girlfriend back just to check and make sure she didn't happen to have a boombox sitting around somewhere.  Turns out, she did not.


Mainly, I just wanted to get old school and do something a little like this:

After some thinking I realized I had one out in my garage.  I have everything in there.  (Sidenote:  should you ever need some random piece of sporting equipment, a couple boxes of "Cialis" pens, or a couch...I'm your gal.)

I find my boombox.  I realize how ridiculous I looked carrying that thing into my place.  I didn't care.  All I wanted to do was quit my stinkin thinkin and jam out.

Cut to an hour later...

Turns out, Jock Jams weren't how I remember them.  Every song just reminded me of my high school basketball team.  And I was repeatedly reminded of my complete nonathletic.

So then I decide to take a trip down memory lane and go through some of my old high school pictures...

Cut to two hours later...

After a full review I concluded that:  There was no possible way that I would ever make it in the WNBA.  In summary, I once made a break away steal...then scored for the other team.  Whatever, I had a pair of Jordans...I should have been an awesome basketball player right??  


Evidence....

I'm #13 (because I'm lucky like that)

So the Jock Jams CD didn't improve my mood.  However, once I took a step back at the situation...and LITERALLY looked at what I was doing:

• Digging around in my car for a CD from '92.
• Finding an old boombox in my garage.
• Looking at old high school pics.
• Blasting "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan....I realized the humor in the whole situation

I shut the Jock Jams off...turned on some legit music...Big Pun specifically...and got on with my day.

I cut out the "Stinkin thinkin"and said goodbye to my "Case of the Sads".  I was completely cured.


So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn:

• I carry a collection of questionable taste of music in my car.
• Jock Jams may not be the cure for a "Case of the Sads".
• I am in fact not a good basketball player.  
• Big Pun is the bomb.

Do you ever have days like this??  The last time you had a "Case of the Sads" what did you do??  How do you get the Stinkin out of your Thinkin??


Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley