That-One-Time-I-Proposed

Dear Readers,

There's something I'd like to share.  I had totally forgotten about it.  Until today.  Strangely, it was Kim Kardashian who made me remember this story.  When she announced her divorce, it naturally got me thinking about weddings and what not.  And out of nowhere I recall:  That-One-Time-I-Proposed

So as I'm taking a trip down memory lane...and remembering this whole fiasco.....                            
 I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME.

I've actually never really told anyone about this.  Not that I didn't want to.  But because I've done so many borderline awkward things that this one incident got lost in the shuffle.

**Here's the part where I take a step back from the story...to reflect...and get real...**
If you haven't noticed/or are a new reader...I'm a big fan of publicly outing myself with what could be considered social humiliation. However, I don't see it this way.  I like to live my life like an open book.  And why write a book if you don't want anyone to read it??   Like I've said, writing is very thereaputic for me and gives me an outlet to process and reflect.  So here I go...processing and reflecting...

The Story of the Proposal was a while back.  Seven years ago??   I want to say I was 23?  Possibly 2004??  I can't remember.  I could do some research and give you an exact date, but for purposes of who-really-cares-get-on-with-the-story-will-you...Let's just go with 23.

Alright, so I was 23.  Just a young Miss Oakley.  It was about two years out of college.  I had been living in Des Moines (Iowa), but due to a recent change in my life situation...had moved back to Ames to move in with my Former Domestic Partner.

I shall refer to my Former Domestic Partner as my:  FDP.  A couple reasons for the acronym:

1. I like to make up my own acronyms.  I find this entertaining.  
2. We were together for a super long time, yet not married.  And since I'm an adult, I do not refer to anyone I've dated as my "boyfriend".  The last time I had a boyfriend I was 12.  So I always called him my Domestic Partner.  
3. Mainly, I just like making up stuff.  So that's why I like acronyms.  Go with it.

Ok, so my Former Domestic Partner (FDP) and I had been together for about a year.  Probably longer, but seriously I can't remember so let's just say a year.  We decided to join households and move in together.  Gasp, I know.  Don't tell my Grandma.  Actually, she knew and could of given a hoot.  She was just happy someone was actually willingly living with me...

I digress.

So this young man is willingly living with me in the lovely city of Ames, Iowa  Ames, Iowa is home to Iowa State University (go Cyclones)...And also where both myself and my FDP graduated from. Ames is actually a cute little town.  Should you ever happen to be in the middle of Iowa for some reason...you should check it out...

Anyway...

For reasons unknown, one day I decide it was time for us to declare our situation to the world and therefore I needed to propose.

Proposals and magical and wonderful and full of rainbows and giggles right??  Not this particular proposal.  There were no giggles.  And I didn't see one rainbow or unicorn.    

Before I go into what went down you will first need some background information.  Every college has some sort of tradition/story/myth.  One of these stories is the "Story of Lake LaVerne".  Basically the story says that if you and your significant other walk around Lake LaVerne in complete silence, three times...the two of you are destined to be together forever.  Which has led to a lot of proposals going down near Lake LaVerne.  Mine being one of them.




(Should you want to read more about Iowa State traditions you can read this article from the Iowa State Daily newspaper.)


At any rate, so it was at Lake LaVerne, where I chose to have the whole thing go down.

It was fall of 2004 (I think it was 2004...I'm pretty sure it was 2004).  Ok, a couple things I know for certain:  a) It was fall  b) I was young.

Since I wanted to do it at Lake LaVerne I had to find a way to get him there.  We lived probably 5 miles away.  So for a couple days I heavily hinted that I wanted to go for a walk to feed Sir Lancelot and Elaine...Lancelot and Elaine are the names two geese that live on Lake LaVerne.  


He wasn't catching my hints.  The FDP kept saying things such as:

• "Why do you want to go and feed those two geese??"  
• "Just throw some bread crumbs out our front door...It's the same thing."
• "Geese probably don't eat bread."
• "Are you sure it's even legal to feed them?? "

Well one day, randomly, after much hinting...he came home and announced he was now ready to take the walk.  I think he said something like:  "Hurry up, let's go feed the dumb geese so you'll stop talking about them and then we'll hit the gym."  Actually, that's not what he said.  But it's my blog and that's what I'm saying he said.  

On this particular day I had decided I wasn't going to shower.  Or wear clothes that matched.  I worked from a home office and there was a very loose dress code policy that day.  It was an "As Is" day.  Basically, I was a mess and not in any kind of condition for a proposal.  But it was my only chance.

So I took it.  I grabbed a loaf of bread and we were on our way.

We get to Lake LaVerne, park the car, and start walking.  It is then that I ask him if he's ever heard the Lake LaVerne story?  

NO, he does not recall the story.

I tell the story.

We walk hand in hand throwing bread crumbs at some ducks.

I start to cry as  I get down on one knee.  

And things went a little bit like this:

FDP:  "What are you doing??  Why are you on the ground?!"

Me:  I state sentiments of  love.

FDP:  Still has no idea what is going on.  "Seriously what are you doing??"  Keeps throwing bread crumbs             

Me:  More sentiments of love.  I start to cry.

FDP:  ** His hand hits something in the bag of bread crumbs**

          He cries out "Yuck there's a bunch of mold in here!!"

          He throws what he thinks is mold out of the bag.

Reality:  It wasn't mold he was throwing.  It was an engagement ring.  

   

Me:  "It's not mold!  It's a ring!!  I'm trying to ask you to marry me!!"

FDP:  "Why??!!"

Me:  "Because I love you??"  Still crying.

FDP:  Stands there with the bag of bread crumbs giving me a stare of disbelief combined with bewilderment.  Then says, "WATCH OUT!  RUN!!"  

Me:  I Turn around and see Lancelot coming straight at me...He's trying to bite me!!

We:  Run

Me:  "I didn't know geese were so hostile!!"  (Still running)

FDP: "They're probably mad that we are invading their area."  (More running)

We:  Finally lose them and stop running.

Reality:  It could of been either Lancelot or Elaine that came after me.  There's no way of knowing. My point is that one of them didn't like us all up in their business and tried to bite me.

FDP:  Turns to me and says "Are you being serious??  Are you seriously proposing?!"

Me:  "Yeah, I got us matching rings."

FDP:  "WHAT??!!"  "WHERE??!!"

Me:  "The mall."

FDP:  "WHEN??"

Me:  "Today?"

FDP:  "NO!!"

Me:  "Yeah."

FDP:  "You're seriously serious??  You went to the mall today and got us matching rings."

Me:  "Exactly."

FDP:  "NO.  YOU CAN NOT DO THIS TO ME."

Me:  "Do what?"

FDP:  "You're taking away my rights as a man."

Me: "Uh, what?  You have man-rights?"

FDP:  "Yeah.  Proposing is my right.  And you can't take it from me.  I'm all for you being independent and letting you do your own thing.  But this is something that you're not doing.  I'm the guy.  I propose.  You seriously got the rings at the mall?  In Ames??"

Me:  "Yes, at the mall in Ames."

FDP:  "How much??"

Me:  I tell him

FDP:  Flips a gasket then says "No, you're not getting a cheap ring.  When you get a ring it's going to be a nice one.  Do you even know how to look for a ring??  You can't just go and pick one out and take it home.  It's a process.  You're going to return the rings.  Where are they?"

Me:  "Well one of them is still in the bag of bread you're holding.  The other one you threw out thinking it was mold...before the geese chased us."

We:  Go back to the scene of the crime and find the ring that he threw.

We:  Drive in silence on the way home.

Me:  I go into our closet to cry.  (We had a studio apartment and it was all open...so in order to be alone I either had to be in the bathroom or in the closet.)

FDP:  "When you're done crying in the closet, you need to go and return those rings."

Me:  I return rings the next day.  Sales guy says "Didn't work out huh?"

Me:  To the Sales guy, "I envisioned it happening differently.  In summary, a goose tried to bite me and I ended up crying in the closet."  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So my proposal didn't go down how I thought it would.  I then decided the best thing to do would be to date the FDP for another 5 years.  

Although, I never got a ring of my own.  I did one year get a waffle iron for Christmas.  And that dear loyal readers, is a gift that keeps on giving.  

Correction:  Lancelot and Elaine are SWANS and not GEESE.  I just now realized this.


So Let's Reflect:  What did we learn?

1. I did not see one unicorn the whole time I was proposing.
2. Geese apparently like to bite.
3. If you ever need some time alone, your closet is always a good place to go.
4. Waffles are delicious.

What are your thoughts??  Is proposing a "male-right"?  Have you ever seen a unicorn??  Do you feel like your closet is a good place to go for some solace??  Do you believe that waffles are in fact delicious??

 Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,

      Miss Oakley

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