I Am Ill, I Eat Out of My Trash Can, and I'm Probably a Raccoon

Dear Readers,

I have some news I feel I need to share with you all.  I was going to blog about a re-cap of Thanksgiving...However, due to a recent turn of events I have changed my mind.

In a news twist that has no one expected...I am ill.  Now, this could be because of many reasons.  I am inclined to think however, this is the result of what happens after a day of eating baked goods out of your trash can...Combined with large amounts of tuna fish.

So due to my activities in the last 24 hours...I'm the illest.  (Not even cool rap/hip hop ill either).  Like, ill ill.

Let me explain myself...

So Thanksgiving was last weekend right??  And you know how the whole Thanksgiving-leftovers-and-Someones-mom-thing works out right??  For those of you that don't know how this works:

A Mom + Leftovers + Thanksgiving = You Going Home With A Trunk Load of Turkey in Your Prius.  


This is basically what happened.  But instead of turkey, we had a trunk full of baked goods.  (Actually my boo ended up with the desserts...but due to our union...if he ends up with something...so do I.)

At-any-rate-let-me-get-back-to-my-point...

We drive back from Thanksgiving at his mother's house and end up with the trunk of his Prius filled with desserts.  On the way back we decided the best thing to do was to throw the desserts in the dumpster as soon as we get home.  (This was Saturday.)

This does not happen.

The boo said he was going to throw them away and I was under the impression that they had been disposed of.

So we spend the rest of the weekend doing what we do (hitting up breakfast buffets and watching movies).

When Monday morning comes around, it turns out that the desserts are in fact, still in the trunk of his Prius.

He then gifts the desserts to me.  I think it was an act of love.  However, I was outraged.

Yet, not outraged enough to throw them away.  I bring them into my apartment with the full intention of throwing them away.

So I did.

Then I got hungry.

Due to the fact that I live with NO ONE, and NO ONE would find out...I start eating desserts out of my own trash can.

Don't judge.

By 7am Monday morning I had eaten my way through a pumpkin pie, half of an apple pie, and approximately 13 brownies.

By the end of the day I finished off all of the brownies (probably 2 batches) and then a jumbo bag of peanut M&M's.  Additionally, I also decided to eat a bunch of tuna fish.  I need to go grocery shopping and that's all I had sitting around....Regardless, I felt like it made a lot of sense:


Tuna Fish + Baked Goods From Your Trash = Fun           Right???  Wrong.

It equals a situation.  I am now ill.  And not rap/hip hop ill either.  I'm legit sick.

I wonder why???

At any rate, I learned my lesson.  Alright, actually I don't think I'll ever learn my lesson.  To be honest with you, this is probably the 100th time I've thrown something away, only to go back and eat it later.  As you can tell, I'm a class act.

It's a good thing I live with No One, and No One will ever find out about my classiness.  Unless I were to blog about it.  But why would I do something like that??

Let's Reflect, What Have We Learned?

• Mom's will always fill the trunk of your Prius up with food.
• I'm ill.  But not in a cool way.
• Much like your neighborhood raccoon, I eat out of the garbage can.

So I Ask You:

Does your mom, or a mom that you know ever do this??  Has Thanksgiving made you ill??  

Do you feel like my behavior is similar to a raccoon's??  

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,
Miss Oakley

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