Today I wanted to share with you something you never knew you wanted to know about me. I apologize to the millions of readers of this blog for not posting in a while. I've been busy with grad school and trying to find a job...
Which brings me to the topic of the day: EGGS.
Specifically, MY eggs.
As you may or may not know...I've been looking for a gig for a while. Each day I get online and search for jobs. And I don't know if you're aware of how the Internet works...(at least for me...)...You start searching for one thing online...With the purest intentions of being productive...and then 87 clicks and two hours later: You've accomplished nothing.
Two Hours and 87 Clicks Later:
You've looked up the meaning of "eccentric" (because you're trying to find meaning in your life),
You've shopped for deals on lint rollers,
You've looked up the lyrics to "Party Rock",
You've watched no less than 10 videos of cute Siberian Husky puppies playing,
You've looked at a friends 300 pictures of their vacation to Disney World,
You've researched squat techniques,
You've tweeted 30 non-nonsensical yet thought provoking things on twitter,
You've looked up just how long Jessica Simpson has been pregnant for (I feel like it's been 2 years),
You've found out The Situation has entered rehab,
You've learned of Jeb Bush's endorsement for Mitt Romney,
You've looked for an Etch-A-Sketch on eBay,
You've researched "Models without Photoshop",
You've looked into taking piano lessons,
You've joined some new activist group,
You've started a new blog,
You've forgotten you've started a new blog,
You end up looking up the meaning of "eccentric" again because that's what you started off doing.
(I actually just went through my history for the past couple of hours and listed my activities...)
This is how you end up getting on Craiglist on some egg donor add. Pretty much every day is like this for me. And each day while searching for jobs I somehow always end up on Craigslist.
Turns out, I'm the perfect candidate. Except for the fact that my eggs are too old.
Apparently, couples only want eggs from women under a certain age.
Today, the egg donor company sent me a nice letter, but basically said my eggs were expired and that I should throw them away before they started to smell. (At least this is how I interpreted their email.) They also said I should throw away all hopes and subsequent dreams. (Not in the email either , but rather implied.)
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| Left: Good Egg Right: My Egg |
This came as quite the shock. I happen to also be in the best shape of my life: mentally, physically, and spiritually. I'm what you would consider a "rational adult" and as my grandma would say: "Healthy as a horse." People should be lining up for my eggs. (Literally.)
Well, no one is in my line. Which is sad, because eggs are delicious.
After hearing the bad news, I forwarded the email that said I was: ridiculously-old-and-should-be-doing-other-things-with-my-life-than-filling-out-egg-donor-applications-on-Craigslist to my domestic partner...
He replied back and said that he loves eggs and eats them even well after the expiration date. In fact just last night, he ate a dozen eggs.
Which then made me hungry for an omelette....
So I'm going to head to the store to get ingredients for omelettes now...Just after I get on the Internet and jack around for a couple more hours while supposedly looking up omelette recipes.
Who knows what I'll end up signing up for by the end the day.
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| I need this shirt. |
- Eggs Are Delicious.
- Apparently, You Should Throw Them Away After The Expiration Date Though. .
- I'm Going To Make Omelettes.
Let Me Ask You?
Do you love eggs?? How long do you thing eggs are good for?? Have you ever had eggs after their expiration date?? Would you buy one of mine for $10,000??
Forever, Blogging About Stories of My Life You Never Knew You Wanted to Know in The First Place,
Miss Oakley
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Man, I don't know how old you are, but how early do these eggs expire!? Mine are probably smelling to high heaven by now!
ReplyDeleteOur eggs are delightful and there's no reason to throw them out. Apparently they'd like donors to be in their early 20's. Which is fine. However, I never thought about being a donor at that time. When I was in my early 20's I was a little squirrely. Ok, I'm still squirrely, but I've figured out a couple things since then (two or three at max.) :)
Deletewho would want your eggs anyway? They are probably coo coo eggs !! lol
ReplyDeleteApparently no one wants my eggs. So, I'm just going to keep them to myself. Not sure if they're are "coo coo eggs" as you say...but they're definitely unique. :)
Deletedepends on what type of eggs , there are hard boiled, fried, over easy, scrambled, chocolate ones for easter and coo coo ones. I'm sure somebody would want them,no matter what type and how you would serve them (:
ReplyDeleteEaster eggs are the best. Tons of people love those things!
DeleteI just stumbled across your blog today, and this is the second one that I thought, OMG, this happened to me, too! I was living in Colorado, and decided to take a job teaching adult literacy in a half-way house... which was a lot less money than I was accustomed to making - and, definitely not enough to pay my mortgage. So, I thought I would try the egg thing... I was immediately discouraged after finding out how invasive it is - the hormones and then the harvesting of the egg... but I filled out the paperwork anyhow and submitted it - only to find out 3 weeks later that my eggs were too old for them... my rotten eggs are still the butt of my friend's jokes. Lol
ReplyDeleteOh, the things we look into when we need some $$. The thing is...When I was younger I would have never thought of doing this. Ever. Not because I was above it (I wasn't)...I just didn't know it was possible to do it. Oh well, at least we tried?
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