That One Time I Registered For A Marathon

Dear Readers,

I wanted to once again share something with you that you never knew you wanted to know in the first place.


I registered for a marathon.

Yes, I know...  ***Gasp!!***

And when I say "registered" I mean this past tense...I registered for one, but never actually ran it.

Details of the Marathon that never happened:
This year I was lucky enough to turn 30.  Oh and FYI, being 30 is awesome.  So for all of you kids out there that think thirty is old:  it's not.  It's awesome is what it is.

Anyway, the months leading up me me turning 30 were a different story.  I'm just going to come out and say it:  I was a little scared.  I felt like once I turned 30 I was going to look in the mirror and be this entirely different person...This older person.  The whole thing was giving me a "Case of the Sads".


The irrational feeling that turning 30 meant that I was somehow older was also compounded by the fact that all of my close girl friends were also turning 30...and THEY were freaking out.  So it sort of rubbed off on me.  It was a collective group freak out.  

So in the months leading up to my birthday I had a couple of really great ideas.  One of them was that I should run a marathon.  A lot of my friends have run/still run them...So I thought why not??

And if you're going to run a marathon then you want to do it in a really cool city right??  WHAT CITY IS COOLER THAN DES MOINES, IOWA??!!  Answer:  No city.  You can't out-cool Des Moines.  You just can't.

So I signed up for the Des Moines Marathon about six months before the actual marathon.

Any marathon runner will tell you that you need to be training a year in advance.  Still, I thought I could do it.

Here's something you may not know:  I used to run for real in high school.  I ran cross country and track.  Was I any good??  Probably not.

I wanted to run in middle/high school for two reasons:
1.  There were boys on the team.
2.  I heard that runners get to eat a lot of bagels.  And I really like bagels.

For those two reasons I started my "running career" in middle school.  Naturally, because of my grace and coordination I decided I was to become a hurdler.


I really really wish my scanner was working right now so I could show you evidence of me running the hurdles.  It was classic.  A classic mess.  

So my athletic running career began back in the sixth grade.  I ran track through middle school and when I got to high school I thought it would be a good idea to also run cross country.  (I also "played" basketball...but that's a whole different blog post in itself.)


Should you wish to read more about my "Extreme Athleticism" visit this blog post.  Your minds will be blown.  It probably will change your life.

Guys, I'm not the best athlete.  And I'm ok with that.  Mainly, I just like to stay in shape and be part of a "team".  I realize that some people take sports and athletics seriously...I'm just not one of them...

So yeah, I had been a runner in the past and thought that because of my vast experience and near Olympian qualities...I could get away with training for a marathon in just six months.

I figured after all of theses years of not training I'd injure myself right away anyways and there was no way I'd actually make it to the marathon.  So my thought was that it wouldn't hurt to try.

So I started seriously running again.  And surprisingly, it went well.  I thought I would pull a hamstring or something right off the bat.  For those six months I only sat out of training for about two weeks because of a bruise.  A BRUISE.  Nothing else happened.  I was totally fine.  I ran better than I did in high school.

Turns out, I find running boring.  ***GASP!!***  HOW COULD I EVEN SAY THAT??!!


Do you know that it is borderline UN-AMERICAN to claim that you don't like running??!!

WELL GUESS WHAT AMERICA:  I DON'T LIKE RUNNING.

Lassie

I just get bored running.  Yeah, I had my ipod to jam out to...But it was just boring.  The most exciting day was the day I found a stray dog...chased it down...and because she had collar with a tag on it I was able to call her dog daddy.  Lassie (real name) made her way home...and I ended up not having to have a boring run that day.

Running is probably more fun when you do it with another person...but still...I just don't feel the need to run a marathon.  Go for a jog??  Yes.  Run for five hours straight??  No.

At any rate, I did not end up running the elite and exclusive Des Moines Marathon.

Instead, on the day of the marathon this is what I did:

• We (the boo and I and his bro) hit up the Machine Shed breakfast buffet.  I ate a bunch of waffles, biscuits and gravy, bacon, eggs, hash browns,...you name it.
• Then we came home and watched a Vanilla Ice movie.  Have you ever seen his masterpiece "Cool As Ice"??  If you've never seen it...Then you're in the majority...I don't think anyone has ever seen this movie.  I think it cost about $6million to make...And they only made $1million...So I'm pretty sure Vanilla Ice owes someone $5 million.  He did have some pretty awesome/horrible quotes though:
• "Drop that zero and get with the hero."
• "You're not wasting my time, I'm just cooling."
• "Sharper than the point on a tip of a nail."
• Then we took a nap.
• Around 5pm I turn to my boo and say:  "Oh yeah, I was supposed to run a marathon today."  
• Then the three of us ate 5 pizzas.  

Let's Reflect:  What Have We Learned?

• I've you're going to run a marathon...You need to run it in a super cool city like Des Moines, Iowa.
• Turning 30 is awesome.  Once you get over the initial "Case of the Sads" that is and embrace it.
• I am a natural born athlete.  And so is anyone that decides to become a runner based on the fact that they really like eating bagels.
• I'm not a fan of running and this probably makes me un-American.
• I'd rather hit a breakfast buffet instead.
• "When a girl has a heart of stone...there's only one way to melt it...just add ice." -Cool As Ice

So, I ask you:

Do you like to run??  If so, why or why not??  Do you like buffets??  Have you ever had the un-pleasure of seeing "Cool As Ice"??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted To Know,

Miss Oakley

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