Stuff My Boo Says

Dear Readers,

I would like to share with you a glimpse into a day of my life.  Specifically, in regards to the amazing stuff my dear boo says to me.  I know there are those of you that may be thinking: "But I don't know her Boo...Why should I continue reading this mess??"  You don't need to know him.  Picture in your mind one of your favorite friends.  That friend that always says something unintentionally funny...If you don't have a friend like this...you need to get one ASAP.   It will change your life.

I know you're probably either at work right now....or doing other important things.  You've worked hard all week.  You deserve it.  So go ahead...just read it.  C'mon...You've already started.  You may as well finish....

Ok, let's focus and get on with it:

My boo is, hands down, the funniest person I've ever met.  The reason he is so funny is that he's NOT TRYING.  At all.  In fact, he's actually totally serious about the stuff he says.

Because I'm a fan of laughter and general joviality...One day I decided to take it upon myself to start writing down some of the awesome things he says.

(He knows I do this and is totally ok with it.  He also knows that one of my little hobbies is taking pictures of him when he least suspects it.)

Here he is eating an ice-cream sandwich in the car

Oh yeah, he hasn't read this yet.  He told me he would rather read it at the same time as you...my dear readers.

So here we go.

Stuff My Boo Says to Compliment Me:

His complements are both amazing and borderline offensive (all at the same time.)   If I didn't know him, I would probably be upset most of the time.  But since I do know his intentions...The stuff he says is...pretty entertaining.  On a random day he will give me compliments such as:

• “Your hair looks a little frizzy.”  (I give him a dirty side-eyed look.)  “You’re pretty????”
• “I love hanging out with you…”  (Aww…my heart says.)  Followed by, “It’s like hanging out with my little brother.”  
• “My friend said you’re hot??”  (This was said a question…Not as a factual statement...He said it as if he, himself ,was questioning it..  You know how when someone asks you a question and at the end of their sentence their voice gets noticeably higher??  Yeah, imagine in your head how awesome that compliment sounded.)
• “You make me happy..." (Aww...says my heart)…"You’re the same reason they’ve created lifelike robotic cats in Japan for use in nursing homes…to enjoy their remaining days.”  

     Let me explain that last compliment.  What he was trying to say, in his own way, was that he likes being with me.  So much so, that to back up the validity of his feelings he did actually read somewhere about these robotic cats in Japan.  This particular compliment was additionally effective because he knows I really like cats.  

   

    So on a daily basis, he gives me a couple of these amazing compliments.  Last night, as he's parking the car he says to me:  "Hey hun, you sorta look pretty tonight."  I should of been offended, but I wasn't.  He says stuff like this all the time.  It's his little way of letting me know he cares.  So I just replied back, "I know that wasn't actually what you literally meant.  Good try.  Now let me out of the car."

Stuff I've Overheard Him Say to Friends:

• Last week he said to one of his friends, in regards to his affection towards me: "I used to look at other boobs in case my girlfriend died or was horrible disfigured.  Now I don't want to do that."
• To his friend on the phone, in a display of commitment to our relationship he says:  "Hey, it's kinda been a big week for me...I changed my Facebook status and got a Prius."
• To another friend, in regards to my awesomness he said:  "Isn't she great man??  It's so much fun hanging out with her.  It's like I'm hanging out with a dude.  But not a dude."

Stuff He's Told the General Public:

One thing he does to show his affection towards me is by randomly yelling out to ladies:

"NOT INTERESTED!!!!!!!"        And then he waves them off.

He started doing this when actual other women were present.  Since that's not always the case, he now just yells it out at what I feel are random intervals (followed by waving off the nonexistent flock of adoring ladies.)

He once yelled "NOT INTERESTED!!!!"  at a group of elderly people waiting outside for their bus.  

Other Stuff He's Said:

Him:  "What should I wear?"  (We were meeting friends for dinner.)

Me:   "I don't care."

Him:  "I'll just wear a cute top."

Me:   Stare at him blankly and then laugh.  I had to.  

Me:  "Did you eat yet?"

Him:  "Yeah...Had a bunch of fiber.  Going to blow it up in the bathroom."  

Me:   I shake my head.  I'm humored and grossed out at the same time.  

Stuff That My Boo Has Done:

One day, while we were at his parents house, he announced to me and his mother that he:  

"Was going to take a Bret Michaels."  Then, "Get it????...............Initials B   M  ????"  

He then goes into this whole- thing-that-he-does-when-he-knows-he's-said-something-funny...

95% of the time, he has no idea what he says is actually funny.  That leaves us with a remaining 5% of the time.  This is where it gets tricky.   5% of the time he realizes that what he just said...was in fact...funny.  And when this happens...

For more of a theatrical effect...He shrugs, laughs at himself, then says "RIGHT??!!"  

This is followed by more laughter and theatrics.  It is this rare 5% of the time that I REFUSE to laugh at him.  That would only encourage him.    

Bret Michaels

Another thing I feel you should know about him is that he really likes getting a good deal on things.  He shops at Costco to buy things in bulk and orders massive quantities of random stuff on amazon.com  Lately he's been really big into baby wipes.  For about a week he updated me daily on the rate that they were going for on amazon "per sheet".  Because I wanted to know??  One day I'm at his place and he makes a formal announcement that he went ahead with the baby wipe purchase.  He said this as if he just purchased a home or something.  

After the announcement of the big purchase this is the summary of our conversation:  

Me:  "So you really went for it didn't you.  You finally went ahead with the baby wipes?"

       Him:  "Yeah, I saved $2 too!!!!"

       Me:  "How?"

       Him:  "Signed up for an Amazon Mom membership."

       Me:  "Whoa, whoa, whoa.....There's a MOM membership??"

       Him:  "Yeah."

       Me:  "So let me get this straight...You're now impersonating being a  MOM??  To save $2??"

       Him:  "Yeah, why not?  I could totally be a mom."

       Me"  "I have no words.  I literally don't know what to say to you right now."

A couple days later he gets a huge box of Huggies baby wipes delivered to him.  He then puts them on display in the middle of his bathroom.  I told him it was a little too obvious.  So he moved the gigantic box out from the middle of the bathroom...right next to the toilet.  Evidence...

Stuff My Boo Eats:

In order to do him justice...I'd actually have to start an entire new blog dedicated to his complete domination of food.  He competitively eats.  Like, he's a big deal.   Evidence...

****This video is not my work.  The video was created by  Brooke, a friend (who has an awesome blog.. at http://ramblingbrooke.com/ )  You should check it out, it' super funny.)****

Finally, Stuff We Said on Our First Date:

    This is how we ended our first date....

Him:  Turns to me and says (with utmost sincerity): "Well, this went a lot better than I had expected."

Me:  "I know!  I thought it was going to be horrible."

We:  Silence

Me:  "So how do we end it?"

Him:  "You want to high five and then transition to something awkward?"

       We:  **High five it out**

       

      I think that pretty much set the tone for our relationship...

   

     So let's reflect...What did you learn?

•      My Boo says stuff that I feel is funny.
•      I laugh, then blog and make you read about it.
•      Everyone wins.

    Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,

      Miss Oakley

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