Follow up to "The Professor": The Stuff I Left Out

Dear Loyal Readers,

I wanted to follow up on my last post and disclose some information I left out about The Professor.  Originally, data was left out for two reasons:  One being, just the time factor.  There were SO MANY horrible things that happened that I feared no one would read ten pages of my ramblings of the explicit details of our encounter.  The second being, that well…the date was seriously horrible and the less info the better.

Alright so here’s some stuff I left out….

I left out the 20 minute interval where he talked about nothing but “Shagging” and how "It was so European." 

He went into more details than I will ever care to share.  EVER.  

In summary, he basically said he really liked "to shag" and went into vivid details of his favorite escapades.  It was graphic, unnecessary, and straight up gross.  So naturally, I listened.

I did tell you about the part where my animal instincts kicked in and I jumped over some potted plants.  What I left out was that, seconds before I actually hurdled the planters...I screamed out (to no one in particular):  “HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF HERE??!!”


(I think I was screaming at humanity)

Not my finest moment. 

I was civil up until that moment.  I had to escape.  Even if that meant hurdling things like a wild animal.  As I was running (and after I yelled "I'll call you!!")  I do remember him saying "I'M SURE YOU WILL."  Sadly, he was totally serious.  He did not get that by me hurdling over objects and running away...that the date did not go well.

The next day, (after I got over the initial shock and therefore found the humor in the situation ), I thought about contacting Dos Rios to see if I could get a copy of their surveillance video.  As a “keepsake”.  I love a good souvenir!  I googled their website and drafted a “Thank you” email…I just couldn't bring myself to send it. 

Upon much reflection, I started to question a couple things...Specifically, in regards to eHarmony.  How was I “matched” up with this guy??  eHarmony makes you do like a THREE HOUR  survey about yourself.  I feel like they covered all the bases and STILL was matched with him??  I need some sort of explanation.

I swear eHarmony is the worst.  A couple months later they matched me with this Eye Doctor that wanted to be in band and had a bunch of cats.  Who also liked to booze it up on the job.  Nothing says “party” like seeing patients and writing out drunken prescriptions right??!  (This obviously I found out moments before I dissolved our relationship.)

Anyway, back to my point.  Do I even have a point??  Ok yeah, here’s my point:  I spent $40/month to get connected with these gems.  I think a refund is in order. 

Also, I feel compelled to explain a little bit about Traumatic Brain Injuries.  In my last job, I worked a lot with individuals with brain injuries and was witness to a variety of situations.  One thing that I learned with a head injury is that sometimes people have difficulties in social situations, with self regulation, and or executive functioning. Specifically, I've found with motor cycle accidents involving the frontal lobe...that there is a high correlation of sexual inappropriateness involved.  

It is probably a good time to note that I find people extremely fascinating.  Which is why I'm in grad school for Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling.  So...When he told me about his accident I knew right away that the brain injury in itself, explained most of his behavior.  Which is one reason I did not get up and leave right there. It did not however, explain all of his actions.  But, I've literally seen much worse...

Once I went to do an evaluation on a patient, walked into their room, and was greeted by nudity...and... some other things that I can’t legally say... 

Anyway, with that same job, I also got peed on a couple times.  

So there you have it, some of the details I originally left out.

A couple take-aways from this entire debacle:

1.     Dating is definitely weird and sometimes extremely awkward.  

2.     Re-counting a horrible dating story to your mother will always make you cry.

3.     Regardless, upon reflection, I will always choose to laugh about my experiences.  It's way better than crying, and others may find your story funny.  If anything, they'll feel better about their worst date ever.

**If you want to learn more about Traumatic Brain Injuries I encourage you to visit this site:  http://www.traumaticbraininjury.com/

Yours Truly,

Miss Oakley