Silly Self Expectations

Prior to becoming pregnant I got healthy. And worked out. For years. Then last Valentine's Day we made a tiny human. And my goal was to continue staying healthy and continue to exercise while pregnant. It was super easy to workout for 41 weeks and 2 days with a tiny human inside my tummy. Or, I'm kidding and there were days that even I wondered what was I doing.

To the surprise of even me, I worked out until the day I went into labor. And even during labor I squatted and well, that was the biggest workout of our lives. For everyone involved. So naturally I thought I would bounce right back and be back in the gym ASAP. Seriously. There was a part of me that thought I might be back to lifting a week postpartum. How outrageous is that? 

Obviously, I had no idea how one feels after labor and what the postpartum period involved. To be honest, I did not think about it all that much and just like anything else, knew I would figure it out/wing it. 

Color me surprised when I was NOT in the gym one week postpartum. What I was doing one week postpartum was: sweating up a storm, crying intermittently, barely making it up a flight of stairs, peeing my pants, and at one point my husband had to take both MY and our child's diaper to the trash. That's the reality. Is that too much for the internet? I don't know/care. It's the truth. 

So no, I kind of had no idea what this process would be like. 

After two weeks of not sleeping, I did go back to the gym. And yes, it was way too soon. But I did start sleeping from there on out. So it did the trick.

For me, working out is more than just looking a certain way or fitting into my pants. Although, I do enjoy fitting into pants that do not involve elastic. Working out is an active meditation. It's my happy place. Do I enjoy the act of working out? No, not really. I do enjoy how I FEEL afterwards. And I have never regretted a workout. 

As a Counselor and a person who intensely feels things in this world I need a healthy outlet. Some of the things I deal with at my job are pretty unbelievable. And some of the things I have experienced in my life have been...traumatic. So years ago, I picked working out as my outlet. And well, it works. It's how I deal with tough stuff. And now it's just a habit. A GOOD habit. 

The postpartum period has been hard for reasons that it should be hard for: I am caring for a cute tiny person who totally depends on me and also: I have no idea what I'm doing. Additionally, recovering from a natural labor is nothing to joke about. Although I do joke about it. Because why not? It was the hardest and yet the most beautiful experience of my life. And there were funny parts. 

Here I am eight weeks postpartum and still trying to figure out how to be a mom and also how to fit in working out. As a Rehabilitation Counselor, one of my jams is to find solutions to complex situations. So while there were days when I doubted I'd find the rhythm to the beat of the newborn daily drama...I'm figuring it out. Slowly. And imperfectly. Very imperfectly. She is still alive and I have pants on. So I am calling it a win. 

Enter, at-home workouts. Getting to the gym at this point is well, still too early to make it a priority. (I go when I can...which has been just a handful of times at this point). I'm still recovering anyway- as boring as it is, I should probably repair the abs that have separated and my pelvic floor BEFORE throwing around heavy weights for fun. 

Looking at my options, I have learned there are a lot of things I can do at home. And at first I wasn't into the idea or process of working out at home. However, now I really like it and yesterday found myself looking forward to it? As with all things in my life, I keep it creative and go with the flow. That's what has made working out at home fun. And when I can involve my mini in a workout- I do. She's always watching and being a good role model on all levels, even with fitness, is important.

Do I still have wild aspirations of doing my first powerlifting competition this year? Yes. Will it happen? I do not know. Do I sort of want to try out a cross fit gym? Yes. Will it happen? Probably. Maybe. Who knows. If it does not, I will live. I will also figure it out. I've always liked a challenge and this new mom-thing is definitely that. 

The point is that my original self-expectations were silly. No, I did not hit a PR one week after having a baby. But at the same time, I have never done this before so of course I did not know what to expect. And that's okay. It's natural not to know something that you have never done before. And none of the actual stuff you deal with being a new mom is in any book. You figure it out and do the best you can. 

This tiny cute human is teaching me so much about life. About lifting. About happiness and what it means to live in this world of wild.

Until I Remember To Blog Again,

Mom Jeans

Keeping It 100

Carving out time to workout with a newborn is an art I'm learning. Today's workout took 2+ hours and rest breaks included two feedings, a cuddle/dance session, smiles, and screaming. The actual workout was NOT two hours, if I had to guess...maybe 40 minutes total? Who knows. It's hard to tell. And it doesn't matter. 

The mini is in a growth spurt and I'm getting creative with at home workouts. I'm learning to go with the flow and let her do her thing.

My hair hasn't been washed in a while and I may have started working out in my pjs. Am I mad I didn't make it to the gym today? No way. She's only little for so long and well, the mini makes an excellent 10 lb weight. She loves to workout with me. Which makes sense because she did it for 41 weeks and 2 days in mommy's tummy.

Okay, I'm out. 

Keep it 100,

Mom Jeans 

Happy New Year!

The New Year is upon us and that means resolutions! Most years I resolve not to resolve. That keeps the bar pretty low. As I say that I look back and each year for the past five years I did something big: start grad school, got engaged, started a company, got married, finished grad school, had a baby...
I can't even remember if that was the order how everything went down. Let's just say that's how it went and leave it at that. So as I say I have in the past resolved not to resolve, I still did some pretty big things.

This year I am just going to wing it. And by "it", I mean everything. There is no set schedule of how things "should" be from here on out. A couple months ago I had all these grand ideas of goals and how my life would be post-baby. And then I actually became a mother and then reality set in. And that's okay, reality is good. It's real.

Of all things in my life it took having a mini human that is half me, half my husband, half herself (I'm not the best at math)...to get me to just drop the act and go with the flow. And I am looking forward to it.

So of all of things I have done, I am looking most forward to 2016 and not having anything on the agenda except doing life. I have a lot to be grateful for. Look, I'm four paragraphs into this thing and I am still making sense. I may print this off and put it on the fridge.

Okay, that's it for now. Back to hiking up my jeans and doing the mom thing. And by jeans, I mean my pj's...because it's 1pm and that's what I am wearing currently. YOLO.

Peace, Hugs, and Diaper Wipes,
Mom Jeans

I Don't Know What I'm Doing

It's true. I don't know what I'm doing: Part 247.

Do you know what you're doing?

Does anyone?

Anyone who fully knows what they are doing. Good for you.

For the rest of us...who cares? We will figure it out.

So, I'm blogging again. Because, I renewed my subscription with the internet. Or I need an outlet? Or my kid is taking a nap and I am waiting on her to wake up so we can resume the newborn rodeo of eat-sleep-scream-poop-repeat. You can read on, or not. Either way, writing makes me happy and that is worth something. Not like actual money, but it's worth something...warm and fuzzy inside?

Am I a good writer? No, absolutely not. There were parts of my seventh grade language arts class that I severely regret not paying attention to. At the time, it didn't seem like I would ever need to know that stuff. Now, I do realize I missed some things. And I am just going to have to live with it. If you are a seventh grader, pay attention to your teachers. (I am SURE a middle schooler clicked on "mom jeans and barbells" and wanted to read on.) Sigh. This post has gone from bad to badder...Kidding! It's gone from bad to worse. I did half listen back then.

What was I even saying? Oh, I'm not an all-star writer. I'm not going to win a Pulitzer I realize. But I do have something to say. And by "something", I mean words. Words strung together that may or may not make sense.

So here's the deal: I'm a new mom and I like to lift weights. I'll share stuff like that. And whatever else I think someone might read. Even if I am the only one who reads this, it will be a success. Because that means I TRIED to put a sentence together. And some days that's a win.

Just as a history lesson: this blog used to be about my single life...which was terrible. Read some of the old posts if you need to feel better about your life. I have since married, finished a master's degree, and work professionally as a counselor. Somewhere in there I started a company. Through it all, I missed writing. So, I'm back. And well, my apologies in advance.

Again, to reiterate, I do NOT know what I am doing. You probably don't either. And both of us are okay. I DO have things to say. None of which will be important. And that too is okay.

Until We Meet Again/I Remember To Blog. Someone Remind Me,
Mom Jeans

Presence Matters More Than Presents This Holiday Season

Presence Matters More Than Presents This Holiday Season

Self-Talk and Being Our Own Best Friends

Dear Readers,

On my own personal journey from illness to wellness I have changed many things. One of the things that I have changed is the way that I talk to myself.

I used to beat myself up for what I perceived as failures and ways that I had let myself down.

And I found this to be highly counter-productive. Some people may respond to short term self-criticism. Long term, it is not a great strategy. It becomes defeatist and a narrative that is hard to get outside of. You end up believing all of these false beliefs you have told yourself.

So I started being kinder to myself and speaking to myself as if I were talking to my best friend.

This was a game changer for me. Once I changed my inner dialogue I truly started to think differently about who I was as a person. I started to value and believe in my own worth.

It was a relatively simple thing to do, but took a decades for me to get to this point.

Being a women, the media and advertising has told me that I need to perfect every single part of my body. And if I was not perfect, that with some product, clothing item, or specific makeup item...I would me MORE. I would be more beautiful, have more of a perfect body, whatever.

And men, you also have your own set of standards that have been put in front of you via the media and ads...This is something that pertains to everyone. We are being told we are not enough.

I'm here to tell you that what you have been told by society and possibly through your own self-talk is not true. You are enough and you are worth value.

When we start to talk to ourselves in ways that are productive, loving, and with supportive language, going after our goals is a little easier.

Treat yourself well and be kind with with the words you choose to tell yourself.

You are the only you, you have. Take care of yourself. Once you support you, you can start to go after goals, hopes, and dreams more easily.

Be kind. Be your own best friend. Speak to yourself as if you were talking to that friend that you care a lot for. Positive self-talk leads to positive actions. And positive actions create better interactions between those that you love and care for. In the end, when you care for yourself, you care for others.

Miss Oakley

Challenging the Definition of Failure

Dear Readers,

Something has been on my mind for a while and I need to talk about it. There is this horrible, scary, and defeatist word that has been uttered in every aspect of my life: at work, with family and friends, and on social media.

What word has me so compelled as to write a post all about it?

FAILURE.

That word has me fired up and I want to share how I think and feel about failure.

First of all, I don't believe in it. Yes, I believe it is an actual word. But I no longer feel it applies to me. There was a time in my life I let it define me and sat in shame and fear so paralyzing...I could not move forward with my life. And then things went from bad to worse and I literally had nothing left. I did not have a job, my health was in shambles, and I had walked away from a decade long relationship. I was living in a town by myself without family and had no other options. It was only then, when I was out of options, that I had to confront this word. It was at my lowest low, that I had to...needed to...and decided to...change how I thought, felt, and responded to that awful word...Failure.

And I am so glad I did.

As I researched the word and what it meant to so many people I found a common theme. From teenagers to grandparents: no one wanted to fail. Some, like me, sat in paralyzing fear of the unknown and never tried what they wanted to try or lived how they wanted to live out of fear of failure.

Having seen the bottom and knowing my only option was up, I threw away how I interacted with failure and decided to replace it with another word: INFORMATION.

Failure is not a destiny or a way of life. It is a boldness to try something new or different with a hope or dream attached. With trying this new thing or going after a dream, we learn information about ourselves along the way. That information is valuable data that can be used to re-assess and re-apply to new tasks, hopes, and dreams. The more things we try and goals we are bold enough to wish to achieve, the richer our data is about ourselves.

Today, I work as a Counselor and on a daily basis I ask my clients to trust the process and confront their fear of failure. I explain my approach to this word and we talk about "the worst thing that could happen" if they went after a goal of theirs. We also talk about "the best thing that could happen". Generally, after going for a goal, neither the best, nor the worst fear occurs and the client lands somewhere in the middle of the attainment of their goal. They also have richer data and information about themselves. And here is pride in going after something one once thought they could or should not. And that counts for a lot.

Last year I started a small business. And it was exciting. People asked me time and time again if I was scared of failing...and I felt that question was ridiculous. There was no way I could fail at doing something I loved and would do anyway. After starting this company, I ended up not losing everything I owned (the worst thing that could happen) and I also am not retired and living the good life in a tropical location (the best thing that could have happened). I landed somewhere in the middle. And I learned a lot of valuable INFORMATION about myself and about starting a business. This information and learning has been distributed to others...and they either started their own businesses...or decided to go after a goal of theirs. There was a ripple effect in my life when I went after this goal and dream of mine. And it most certainly was not a failure.

When I decided to be bold enough to look failure in the face: I realized it was not this scary and feared word that I once gave all of my power it to. It was my own face in the mirror staring back at me. When I started to love and accept myself, I let go of this word entirely and replaced it with a new word: Information. Because that is what you learn when you go after hopes and dreams and try new things.

Be bold. Do not give all of your power to one single word. Do not let others force their beliefs and power of this word on your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams deserve to be validated, and honored with the learning of new data. There is valuable information for you to learn about yourself. So go after what you want, see what happens, and take this new information about yourself and apply it to other hopes and dreams in other aspects of your life.

If you do decide to look failure in the face, you may notice your own face staring back at you. Love that face and accept it. I am here to tell you the road is less rough and the surroundings more beautiful after you accept the face of a person that has been with you this whole time.

Miss Oakley