Negativity is everywhere. Examples: The media. It's what our friends come to us to discuss. And most destructively, it is in our own heads.
All this negativity creates more negativity. In the counseling world we all this a "Negative Feedback Loop." An example of a negative feedback loop would be: You telling someone that you feel sad or depressed. The other person in turn says "stop feeling sad/depressed." This results in you feeling MORE sad/depressed. One negative thought, created another, which in turn, escalated the already negative situation.
We also do this to ourselves. We get upset about something. And then we get more upset that we even ARE upset. This creates more anger and more general negativity about a situation.
I call these negative thoughts and feelings around our thoughts: "Stinkin Thinkin."
The good thing about Stinkin Thinkin is that we are in charge of our own thoughts, and therefore, can work to create ways to diminish those negative feedback loops.
Here are a couple strategies to stop negative thinking:
Next time your friend or family member says they are sad/depressed...stop yourself from telling them not to be sad/depressed. If it was that easy, they would have stopped long ago. Instead, ask them how you can support them in their recovery of being sad/depressed. They may just need something as simple as a sympathetic ear to listen. Or, ask them to remember a time when they weren't sad or depressed and see what circumstances surrounded that positive experience. Then help them find those "bright spots" in their daily lives...or occasions where they are not sad or depressed. Support them in finding those small things that they do find enjoyable. NOTE: only support things that are positive. For example, if binge drinking or eating 3 pizzas make them happy...this is counterproductive and should not be supported. But, if exercising, walking their dog, or playing with their children are their bright spots in their day...then support those things.
If you personally are experiencing "Stinkin Thinkin" then file away your negative thoughts: IN THE TRASH CAN. Honor your self-destructive thoughts by writing them down, and then ceremoniously throw them away. When you toss away that negative thought, also toss away your emotions and feelings to that thought. It is important to honor those thoughts rather than just ignoring them. If you ignore something, it will show it's way back to you in one way or another. Writing down your thought validates what you are feeling. This is the first step in changing your thought process. If you notice that you continually write down similar negative thoughts, then the next step is to make a plan to do something about those thoughts. You can never change the way you think without conscious action in order to change your thought process. Otherwise you will spend years of your life believing your own negative thoughts.
Another thing you can do is start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. This can be done by keeping a gratitude journal or by making notes in your phone of the small things in your day that made you happy. Even on the worst days, there is something positive. Otherwise, you would not continue going on. Start looking for those bright areas in your life. This could be done at night when you start to worry about your "To Do" list for the next day. Instead of worrying, write down a couple things that made you smile over the day. You will sleep easier when you focus on the good, and not on what you need to get done. Tomorrow will come regardless of whether or not you spend time worrying before you go to bed. Why not spend that time reviewing your bright spots in the day?
Be kind to yourself. You are the only you, you have.
Miss Oakley
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