You Are Worth It

The universe gave me many signs that I needed to address the topic of "worth" as it relates to healing, health, life goals, and overall just being a human.

Probably the biggest point of resistance I get to someone on the fence about hiring a "coach" is either their belief or someone in their life believing that they are not really worth spending money or time on.

This is so true when it comes to those in the "helping" profession, natural helpers, and women in general. The people that put others first. These types put their health and goals last and ultimately pay the price. A lifetime of putting others first adds up. Eventually everyone in their life is used to them just giving and end up taking even more. Their cup is empty and they do not have a drop left to pour for themselves at the end of the day.

When it comes to healing and health a HUGE component of transformation is just the belief that you are worth it. This is a hard task when life has thrown you nothing but curve-balls. You start to believe this is all that is out there. When you are in the midst of a health crisis or just not feeling the best, it's tough enough just trying to get through the day. Much less leading a life that is vibrant and thriving.

In terms of life goals, most people just settle for the known and safe path. They want something better for themselves but are too busy trying to stay afloat. You can't build a boat if you are drowning. So they muster along and never pursue their passions. Never start up that business they always wanted or stay in a career that crushes their soul.

The game of being a human is sometimes really really hard. There isn't a class on how to live and no one ever teaches you how to do life when it gets hard. No one hands you a road map and says, here's the steps to get out of this really tough and hard spot.

But what if there was another way? What if there was a service out there that did give you a really individualized plan for how to make changes, showed you that you are worth it, gave you the tools to heal, and worked with you to radically transform your life?

I'm here to tell you that there is. This is what I do on the side as a business and for fun every day. It first starts with the belief that you are worth it. And if you can't get there on your own, we can team up and work together until you believe in you. For years I have been doing this for individuals, groups, couples, families, and organizations. Message me if you are on the fence and have the slightest hint of a thought that you are worth and want more from your health, career, or life.

-The Paleo Counselor- thepaleocounselor@gmail.com

Facilitating Change is the Name of the Game

It is like the saying goes, sleep when the baby sleeps. Blog when the baby blogs. I miss blogging but there are only so many hours in the day and days in the week. Between my full-time gig, owning my own business, raising an independent toddler, managing autoimmune conditions, hitting the gym on the regular- I'm busy. It doesn't matter though. No one cares about my excuses and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I am going.

Where am I going? Well I a glad you have asked! (Okay, no one asked but since you are still reading, I'll tell you.)

2018 will be my FIFTH year of running a side business. Did you know that Iowa ranks DEAD LAST in the number of women-owned businesses? How sad is that? Women, if you want to start up your own thing and do what you have always dreamed of doing- hit me up. It is not rocket science. But it is also not for the faint of heart. You will make mistakes, you will need to adjust your sails often, and you will absolutely have to get out of your comfort zone. Oh, and you'll hustle- HARD.

The first two years I was in business for me-myself-and I, I did it through contracts and providing services for other businesses. Things they needed done and I could competently do. I really did not talk a whole lot about what I did as I was too busy doing. Truthfully, I have not shared much of what I have done on the side for 5 years, so here we go. I'm going to talk below about where I am been and where I am going. Keep reading if your are interested. And if you have time, keep reading even if you are NOT interested.

The first two years was disability, career coaching, and assistive technology focused. Or things that I still do to this day at my full-time job. I assisted individuals with disabilities, chronic mental health conditions, and barriers to employment obtain paid competitive and integrated employment. Not to get to much into the weeds here, but it is work that is worth doing. There are so many individuals with disabilities out there that need a fair shot and assistance with getting a job that will lead to a career. Unfortunately, there are a ton of stigmas that society and businesses hold that makes it even harder for them. This is where I enter, like the 80's Kool-Aid Man, I busted down (proverbial) walls to assist with my clients to obtain employment. Again, I still do this to this day, full-time. All day, every day. Advocacy is my jam.

The other major contract I held was with the Veteran's Administration. And that contract was dope. I worked with Veteran's across the land use assistive technology devices to have full access to their community. I loved doing this as assistive technology is also my background and it was dope to be able to train a Veteran's device and go to the gym with him. Something he missed doing and gave him a sense of hope. Also he was able to get out and about in the community- which is important for all humans. I had to let this contract go as it is was a conflict of interest. It happens.

Other big things I did the first couple of years was taking on an corporate wellness contract. I worked with one of the largest non-profits in Iowa and the U.S. This was very eye opening and something I look to continue to do. Organizations that take it upon themselves to provide their employees with wellness coaching services get it. Healthier employees are longer-lasting employees and cost a lot less to insure. It's the ultimate win-win.

Public speaking is another thing that I do often for both my full-time job and with my company. I have spoken all over the US and trained tens of thousands of people of various things across my career. When I was in college I vowed to get good at public speaking: since no-one ever wanted to do it, and I figured I'd always have a job if I was willing to do what most others will not. That could basically sum up my entire career: doing things others do not want to do in order for job security. I've spoken and presented to Drake University Graduate Students and shared all of my story. Even the parts I have not publicly spoken out about (that's for the book that is in the works.) With this I have shown how to work within the medical model for best results, as well as, with holistic practitioners to get to the root cause. Those who know me well know that I will never shut up about things I believe and am passionate about. So I'll keep on talking.

Over the length of my life, I seem to be defined not by what I have done, but what I do when things get really really hard. Between beating cancer, completely changing my career path after a series of lay-offs, finding love after a decade of being with someone who could not take the next step, and bio-hacking my way back from a huge autoimmune flare postpartum- I have found that I have grit, am resilient, and am full of humor and hope. These are good characteristics to have in both having your own business, as well as, coaching others through hard things. I get adversity. I get hard. I never ever give up. These are very good things to have in order to coach others.

The last few years I have taken a step back from going full-force into my own business to get my own health on track. And with two years of research, advocating my tail-feathers off, and willing to do anything and everything, I am making a comeback. I have found my root causes (more on that later-that's a whole blog post in itself) and am and have been back it the saddle and starting to market more of what I do.

With this two-year long flare, I have focused on individual health and life coaching, along with an online group format. In addition, to honor my spiritual side, I've become a non-denominational Ordained Minister- for those who want to do marriage their way. I got married in my own unique way, and others should have the chance to do that as well, if that is their style. Everyone is very different and I am honoring that with offering non-traditional weddings and vow renewals.

Individual coaching is what I get asked to do most often. There is a huge array of things I work with others on. My approach is to partner together and to facilitate the change that the person is wanting for their life. This could be drastic weight loss. Or to get their hormones balanced and have a healthy baby. Or change careers and do something they are passionate about. To learn to advocate with their family, friends, and their medical community for understanding and care. To get to the root cause of their medical conditions. To find themselves so they can find their partner. To push people beyond everything that they have tried in order to get to where they want to go. I am good at this- I do this all day, every day. And I will not feel bad about saying I do this well. I love puzzling over people, figuring out where they are stuck and presenting them opportunities to grow.

Group work is something that I love to do, is very effective, and I do often. I have done this with many groups in person, families, and now online with those wanting a combination of health/life coaching. The group model works well it and it is something I will continue to do online and in person (when the opportunity presents itself.) Learning from me is great- learning from others going through it-invaluable!

My approach to life and health coaching is very unique and holistic. I am a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor by training- so I meet everyone where they are at and know that everyone brings their own unique circumstances to the table. So that means I do not have a one-size-fits-all approach. I also have dealt with so many set-backs personally, that I really do relate to those that I work with. I never have and never will ask someone to do something I have not done or will not do. With all that being said, I am not for everyone. If you are not willing to work or make changes and want a quick band-aid fix, that is not me. That will not get you to where you need to go and honestly, it will make me look like a terrible coach. So I do pre-screen and assess everyone that I work with. If you are ready to live your best life, then I am here to facilitate change. If you want to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass you by, I am not the one for you. I work with those ready and willing to change.

Soon I hope to do some re-branding and get my website back up. Right now I am stuck on my new and re-branded company name. I'm getting closer and luckily I have a marketing background or else this would be something I need major help with. As always, I am open for suggestions though! Until my website is up, I'll blog here. Stay tuned. Or don't. Either way, I will keep going. Okay, I need to go meal-prep, workout, and do laundry- while the baby sleeps.

-SM

Perfection

Hi, Readers!

It has been a minute since I last penned a blog. Or, about two years.

I've been wanting to write, but kept waiting until the perfect moment. When things were right and I was healed and everything went back to what I once knew as normal.

The postpartum period did not go as anticipated. I knew it would be rough, but you cannot really anticipate what you don't know.

Labor was hard, long, and traumatic. It set off a cascade of events in which were out of my control. And I got sick. And then sicker. Diagnosis after diagnosis and treatment for this, that, and the other. It is hard to write, when you are in the weeds and just trying to muster up the strength to slap a smile on your face to get through the day.

So I waited for my normal to return. And then it didn't come. It may not come. When multiple autoimmune disease surface and show themselves after calmly brewing under the surface; it isn't a quick fix.

I tried and tried to make a comeback, to be what I once was. The sails were adjusted, I shifted, and shifted, and shifted more. Nothing worked. And then it became apparent something was very wrong. The anger set it and I sat with it. Looked at it. How could I do everything right, and have it go so wrong?

Anger is a tricky thing. You cannot ignore it. For a while I pretended it wasn't there, shoved it to the back of my mental closet and locked the door. Until I couldn't anymore. And once I admitted it it allowed for grief to set it and wash over. I bathed in it. To have my world rocked, was nothing new. My life seems to be defined by hardship and trials. Things I never asked for often have a way of seeking me out at times I least expect them to.

There is a lot of work that goes into pretending things are fine when you're in the midst of a mess. So I let go. And I decided something. To shift my focus off of perfect. Away from my normal and the possibility of bouncing back. I embraced the yuck and the pain. Leaned into it. Rolled around in the mud with pain, with anger.

Once I allowed myself to grieve, to give myself permission to be upset, a weight was lifted. It was then that I knew that what once, may never return. And that it was okay that I am not well. I let go of all of my expectations and what I thought I wanted for my life. In the midst of my mess, I started telling my story. And backed away slowly, but surely from those that do not and cannot understand what I am dealing with. For there are so many other beautiful souls struggling that welcomed me into their tribe with open arms.

To accept to wait and sit with grief was the kindest thing I could have ever done for myself. Patience is kindness. I am not healed or okay. I am not waiting for that perfect day to come.  I'm holding on and shifting my focus to the long game. For the imperfect. To doing life however I need to. To boldly live imperfectly and with pain most days that would bring the strongest person to their knees. And on those days, I have learned to pause. To be grateful.

This has been a beautiful nightmare. Chronic illness is such a gift. There is so much to be learned here. The level of empathy I have in all areas of my life is limitless. To fall, has been a blessing in disguise. I have slowed down. I'm present. I'm doing the hard work to start to heal. Superficial things are non-issues. My faith, my family, my health are what matters. Everything else is now just white noise.

It has been such a process to get here. To accept my anger and let go of what I thought I set up for myself. I did everything right. It went terribly wrong. I grieved over things I thought would be and let go of all of it.

Telling my story is freeing. It is also very hard to be vulnerable. Others judge what they don't know and force their own beliefs on you. But this isn't about them. My journey has been handed to me for reasons I am still learning. And I have been making a conscious effort to slow down, embrace my body, accept that I am not in charge. I am both not in charge and also taking ultimate responsibility for my health and attitude as I continue to adjust to living with chronic illness. I have decided to not wait until things are perfect. To live with flair, while being in the midst of a flare.

Waiting for a perfect is very unfair. What if I was perfect? What if flaws and all, I still am perfect? The universe is showing me what I need to learn. It is not my choice how I'm being shown these lesson's, but they are lesson's nonetheless. My focus has shifted, the act has been dropped. I've gotten out of my own way and have cried all of the tears. Mourning who I was, loving who I am, and looking forward to finding who I will become.

While unanticipated, motherhood and chronic illness has broken me open. Here I am, perfectly imperfect. And it is okay. Perfection looks different to me now.

Getting My House In Order

Coping skills are neat. They are what get us through life. And being a new mom, I have found that I needed to add to my coping skills in this new and foreign land of motherhood.

At my postpartum check-in with my midwife a couple weeks ago a realization was made: I have temporarily lost my go-to coping skill of intense exercise due to childbirth. She validated my experience as to how hard coping can be for mom's who use exercise for stress relief. I could have hugged her for this insight. It was simple and so true. I had lost one of my major coping skills for the time being. And while I mourned the loss of my favorite hobby, lifting heavy. (R.I.P. Weight belts and chalk). I did realize that there are many other ways to deal with stress and life changes. I just needed to tap into different areas of self-care.

Being a counselor and just a solution-oriented person overall, I made a list of things to try and do to add to my basket of coping and self-care. Meditation was one of them.

Up until this point, I have only practiced mindful walking meditation in nature. I love being surrounded by nature and being lost in its presence. However, I live in Iowa and it is winter. I do not want to be outside and lost anywhere right now.

So my husband told me about an app, Headspace, and encouraged me to use it. Well, he actually has been talking about this app for over a year and I never really got to try it out or to make a habit out of meditating. But with being a new mom, I became even more open to trying something other than getting poop in my hair or baby barf in my mouth (actually happened.) And I started to meditate slowly...when I had time. Which was about once per week at the beginning. And it was hard to take the time when a tiny person was dependent on me for everything. As well as, being exhausted on top of it. When forced with the decision to sit in stillness with my thoughts, or to check social media and space out...it was easy to pick spacing out. Because watching cute videos of puppies are always more fun than sitting with your own crazy thoughts. Right? I have since started making more time to meditate. And I am learning a lot about myself. Is this easy to do with a new baby? No. But I am grateful to have started a meditation practice. Research says that after six hours of meditation your brain starts to change. I have not yet reached six hours, but the changes are already present. So I will definitely keep this up.

Along with meditating, I added several other skills to my bucket of calm. One major change was journaling. For myself. Not this blog, but actual pen to paper. And I love it. Journaling has been something over the course of my life that I keep coming back to. I have books filled with my thoughts dating back to grade school in my basement. My husband has been instructed to either burn or publish them when I die. (I'm undecided if everyone or no one should read them.) At any rate, there is nothing like getting the crap out of my head and onto paper first thing in the day. Then I do not have to think about it, because it's out there.

The other fun self-care practice I recently added has been yoga. I have always liked yoga, but during pregnancy it did not speak to me. At all. I did not want to stretch and get into poses with a giant wiggly basketball that danced on my bladder. Not even the prenatal yoga. Stretching, yes. But not yoga. So I stepped away from it. I'm now two and a half months postpartum and have been wrestling with the fact that I cannot lift heavy due to parts of my body needing to repair and recover before moving forward. This is very hard for me. To sit, be patient, and wait. I want to lift up a car, sweat until it hurts, and get weird in the gym. Seriously. I had grand ideas of what I would be doing athletically this year. And I am not giving up on those goals, it's just that I am making peace with what is. And still yearning for exercise, I looked to yoga again. Being on maternity leave with a small mini me makes it hard to hit up a yoga class. And quite honestly, I do not want to go to a standard yoga class as I want to focus on specific areas of my body that still need to heal. As well as, spend time with this amazing kid. So I found some yoga channels on YouTube designed for the postpartum phase. And it has been wonderful. Yoga is very humbling and has meditative qualities. It's something I can do until I'm old and obnoxious and there is reason I have come back to it. And P.S. how great is YouTube?? Cat videos for DAYS.

With these newly implemented coping strategies (plus several others) added to my motherhood toolbox, I have noticed something. On the days that I take care of myself and take the time for self-care,  I am more at ease with everything. I'm also a better mom when I take care of me.

As a side-effect of making time for me, I have started to clean and get really organized? Now the thing to note here is that I am not a cleaner. I am more of the creative type and "have to be in the mood" to clean. Am I the type to start a company or a blog...yes. But will I always clean my bathroom on a Thursday because that is cleaning day? No. Absolutely not. But lately, I am cleaning and organizing. And I really attribute that to the emptying of the clutter out of my brain with journaling, meditation, and yoga. I am literally cleaning up my surroundings along with my thoughts. (It could also be that I am now a mom and I have to be organized, otherwise this whole thing is going to be a disaster.) Who knows. All I know is that I am feeling more clear-headed and my house is starting to get in order. STARTING being the key word here. I'm still me and right now my bathroom is dirty. But I typed up a blog entry. So baby steps, right?

Mom Jeans

My Daughter, My Teacher

I'm about 2 and half months into being a new mom. And I have to say, motherhood has really shuffled my deck of cards. Never have I been so introspective and mindful in my life. It has challenged and changed me as a person. I'm truly in a process of becoming. And knowing that I do not know everything. And never will. Could that be the point of this whole human experience?

Motherhood has been so many different things. My soul has awakened and yet my spirit is at times, exhausted.

Through my daughter, I am learning so much. She has been the tiniest of teachers, with me being her frazzled pupil. She is so present and in awe of the world and this has made me more aware of what I am doing, how I am spending my time. Always watching and learning from me. It's quite the responsibility.

While at the same time, just balancing keeping it all together. And knowing now that this does not have be perfect.

I'm starting to become a better person through my child. More empathetic towards the human condition. I have made amends for things I did not know previously, while also feeling connected to other mothers and my community as a whole. My tribe is expanding in ways I never imagined.

This all sounds kind of over the top, but I truly am in the midst of a transformation. I'm awake and yet exhausted all at the same time. Full of love and frustration at once.

I could write an extensive list of things she has shown me to be true. But I'm choosing to let the feelings flow and continue to grow and expand, day by day. For now it is best to not define what is happening and allowing the process to unfold itself. Perfect in its imperfection.

My daughter, my teacher. I'm learning from her, through her each day.

Mom Jeans

Silly Self Expectations

Prior to becoming pregnant I got healthy. And worked out. For years. Then last Valentine's Day we made a tiny human. And my goal was to continue staying healthy and continue to exercise while pregnant. It was super easy to workout for 41 weeks and 2 days with a tiny human inside my tummy. Or, I'm kidding and there were days that even I wondered what was I doing.

To the surprise of even me, I worked out until the day I went into labor. And even during labor I squatted and well, that was the biggest workout of our lives. For everyone involved. So naturally I thought I would bounce right back and be back in the gym ASAP. Seriously. There was a part of me that thought I might be back to lifting a week postpartum. How outrageous is that? 

Obviously, I had no idea how one feels after labor and what the postpartum period involved. To be honest, I did not think about it all that much and just like anything else, knew I would figure it out/wing it. 

Color me surprised when I was NOT in the gym one week postpartum. What I was doing one week postpartum was: sweating up a storm, crying intermittently, barely making it up a flight of stairs, peeing my pants, and at one point my husband had to take both MY and our child's diaper to the trash. That's the reality. Is that too much for the internet? I don't know/care. It's the truth. 

So no, I kind of had no idea what this process would be like. 

After two weeks of not sleeping, I did go back to the gym. And yes, it was way too soon. But I did start sleeping from there on out. So it did the trick.

For me, working out is more than just looking a certain way or fitting into my pants. Although, I do enjoy fitting into pants that do not involve elastic. Working out is an active meditation. It's my happy place. Do I enjoy the act of working out? No, not really. I do enjoy how I FEEL afterwards. And I have never regretted a workout. 

As a Counselor and a person who intensely feels things in this world I need a healthy outlet. Some of the things I deal with at my job are pretty unbelievable. And some of the things I have experienced in my life have been...traumatic. So years ago, I picked working out as my outlet. And well, it works. It's how I deal with tough stuff. And now it's just a habit. A GOOD habit. 

The postpartum period has been hard for reasons that it should be hard for: I am caring for a cute tiny person who totally depends on me and also: I have no idea what I'm doing. Additionally, recovering from a natural labor is nothing to joke about. Although I do joke about it. Because why not? It was the hardest and yet the most beautiful experience of my life. And there were funny parts. 

Here I am eight weeks postpartum and still trying to figure out how to be a mom and also how to fit in working out. As a Rehabilitation Counselor, one of my jams is to find solutions to complex situations. So while there were days when I doubted I'd find the rhythm to the beat of the newborn daily drama...I'm figuring it out. Slowly. And imperfectly. Very imperfectly. She is still alive and I have pants on. So I am calling it a win. 

Enter, at-home workouts. Getting to the gym at this point is well, still too early to make it a priority. (I go when I can...which has been just a handful of times at this point). I'm still recovering anyway- as boring as it is, I should probably repair the abs that have separated and my pelvic floor BEFORE throwing around heavy weights for fun. 

Looking at my options, I have learned there are a lot of things I can do at home. And at first I wasn't into the idea or process of working out at home. However, now I really like it and yesterday found myself looking forward to it? As with all things in my life, I keep it creative and go with the flow. That's what has made working out at home fun. And when I can involve my mini in a workout- I do. She's always watching and being a good role model on all levels, even with fitness, is important.

Do I still have wild aspirations of doing my first powerlifting competition this year? Yes. Will it happen? I do not know. Do I sort of want to try out a cross fit gym? Yes. Will it happen? Probably. Maybe. Who knows. If it does not, I will live. I will also figure it out. I've always liked a challenge and this new mom-thing is definitely that. 

The point is that my original self-expectations were silly. No, I did not hit a PR one week after having a baby. But at the same time, I have never done this before so of course I did not know what to expect. And that's okay. It's natural not to know something that you have never done before. And none of the actual stuff you deal with being a new mom is in any book. You figure it out and do the best you can. 

This tiny cute human is teaching me so much about life. About lifting. About happiness and what it means to live in this world of wild.

Until I Remember To Blog Again,

Mom Jeans

Keeping It 100

Carving out time to workout with a newborn is an art I'm learning. Today's workout took 2+ hours and rest breaks included two feedings, a cuddle/dance session, smiles, and screaming. The actual workout was NOT two hours, if I had to guess...maybe 40 minutes total? Who knows. It's hard to tell. And it doesn't matter. 

The mini is in a growth spurt and I'm getting creative with at home workouts. I'm learning to go with the flow and let her do her thing.

My hair hasn't been washed in a while and I may have started working out in my pjs. Am I mad I didn't make it to the gym today? No way. She's only little for so long and well, the mini makes an excellent 10 lb weight. She loves to workout with me. Which makes sense because she did it for 41 weeks and 2 days in mommy's tummy.

Okay, I'm out. 

Keep it 100,

Mom Jeans 

Happy New Year!

The New Year is upon us and that means resolutions! Most years I resolve not to resolve. That keeps the bar pretty low. As I say that I look back and each year for the past five years I did something big: start grad school, got engaged, started a company, got married, finished grad school, had a baby...
I can't even remember if that was the order how everything went down. Let's just say that's how it went and leave it at that. So as I say I have in the past resolved not to resolve, I still did some pretty big things.

This year I am just going to wing it. And by "it", I mean everything. There is no set schedule of how things "should" be from here on out. A couple months ago I had all these grand ideas of goals and how my life would be post-baby. And then I actually became a mother and then reality set in. And that's okay, reality is good. It's real.

Of all things in my life it took having a mini human that is half me, half my husband, half herself (I'm not the best at math)...to get me to just drop the act and go with the flow. And I am looking forward to it.

So of all of things I have done, I am looking most forward to 2016 and not having anything on the agenda except doing life. I have a lot to be grateful for. Look, I'm four paragraphs into this thing and I am still making sense. I may print this off and put it on the fridge.

Okay, that's it for now. Back to hiking up my jeans and doing the mom thing. And by jeans, I mean my pj's...because it's 1pm and that's what I am wearing currently. YOLO.

Peace, Hugs, and Diaper Wipes,
Mom Jeans

I Don't Know What I'm Doing

It's true. I don't know what I'm doing: Part 247.

Do you know what you're doing?

Does anyone?

Anyone who fully knows what they are doing. Good for you.

For the rest of us...who cares? We will figure it out.

So, I'm blogging again. Because, I renewed my subscription with the internet. Or I need an outlet? Or my kid is taking a nap and I am waiting on her to wake up so we can resume the newborn rodeo of eat-sleep-scream-poop-repeat. You can read on, or not. Either way, writing makes me happy and that is worth something. Not like actual money, but it's worth something...warm and fuzzy inside?

Am I a good writer? No, absolutely not. There were parts of my seventh grade language arts class that I severely regret not paying attention to. At the time, it didn't seem like I would ever need to know that stuff. Now, I do realize I missed some things. And I am just going to have to live with it. If you are a seventh grader, pay attention to your teachers. (I am SURE a middle schooler clicked on "mom jeans and barbells" and wanted to read on.) Sigh. This post has gone from bad to badder...Kidding! It's gone from bad to worse. I did half listen back then.

What was I even saying? Oh, I'm not an all-star writer. I'm not going to win a Pulitzer I realize. But I do have something to say. And by "something", I mean words. Words strung together that may or may not make sense.

So here's the deal: I'm a new mom and I like to lift weights. I'll share stuff like that. And whatever else I think someone might read. Even if I am the only one who reads this, it will be a success. Because that means I TRIED to put a sentence together. And some days that's a win.

Just as a history lesson: this blog used to be about my single life...which was terrible. Read some of the old posts if you need to feel better about your life. I have since married, finished a master's degree, and work professionally as a counselor. Somewhere in there I started a company. Through it all, I missed writing. So, I'm back. And well, my apologies in advance.

Again, to reiterate, I do NOT know what I am doing. You probably don't either. And both of us are okay. I DO have things to say. None of which will be important. And that too is okay.

Until We Meet Again/I Remember To Blog. Someone Remind Me,
Mom Jeans

Presence Matters More Than Presents This Holiday Season

Presence Matters More Than Presents This Holiday Season

Self-Talk and Being Our Own Best Friends

Dear Readers,

On my own personal journey from illness to wellness I have changed many things. One of the things that I have changed is the way that I talk to myself.

I used to beat myself up for what I perceived as failures and ways that I had let myself down.

And I found this to be highly counter-productive. Some people may respond to short term self-criticism. Long term, it is not a great strategy. It becomes defeatist and a narrative that is hard to get outside of. You end up believing all of these false beliefs you have told yourself.

So I started being kinder to myself and speaking to myself as if I were talking to my best friend.

This was a game changer for me. Once I changed my inner dialogue I truly started to think differently about who I was as a person. I started to value and believe in my own worth.

It was a relatively simple thing to do, but took a decades for me to get to this point.

Being a women, the media and advertising has told me that I need to perfect every single part of my body. And if I was not perfect, that with some product, clothing item, or specific makeup item...I would me MORE. I would be more beautiful, have more of a perfect body, whatever.

And men, you also have your own set of standards that have been put in front of you via the media and ads...This is something that pertains to everyone. We are being told we are not enough.

I'm here to tell you that what you have been told by society and possibly through your own self-talk is not true. You are enough and you are worth value.

When we start to talk to ourselves in ways that are productive, loving, and with supportive language, going after our goals is a little easier.

Treat yourself well and be kind with with the words you choose to tell yourself.

You are the only you, you have. Take care of yourself. Once you support you, you can start to go after goals, hopes, and dreams more easily.

Be kind. Be your own best friend. Speak to yourself as if you were talking to that friend that you care a lot for. Positive self-talk leads to positive actions. And positive actions create better interactions between those that you love and care for. In the end, when you care for yourself, you care for others.

Miss Oakley

Challenging the Definition of Failure

Dear Readers,

Something has been on my mind for a while and I need to talk about it. There is this horrible, scary, and defeatist word that has been uttered in every aspect of my life: at work, with family and friends, and on social media.

What word has me so compelled as to write a post all about it?

FAILURE.

That word has me fired up and I want to share how I think and feel about failure.

First of all, I don't believe in it. Yes, I believe it is an actual word. But I no longer feel it applies to me. There was a time in my life I let it define me and sat in shame and fear so paralyzing...I could not move forward with my life. And then things went from bad to worse and I literally had nothing left. I did not have a job, my health was in shambles, and I had walked away from a decade long relationship. I was living in a town by myself without family and had no other options. It was only then, when I was out of options, that I had to confront this word. It was at my lowest low, that I had to...needed to...and decided to...change how I thought, felt, and responded to that awful word...Failure.

And I am so glad I did.

As I researched the word and what it meant to so many people I found a common theme. From teenagers to grandparents: no one wanted to fail. Some, like me, sat in paralyzing fear of the unknown and never tried what they wanted to try or lived how they wanted to live out of fear of failure.

Having seen the bottom and knowing my only option was up, I threw away how I interacted with failure and decided to replace it with another word: INFORMATION.

Failure is not a destiny or a way of life. It is a boldness to try something new or different with a hope or dream attached. With trying this new thing or going after a dream, we learn information about ourselves along the way. That information is valuable data that can be used to re-assess and re-apply to new tasks, hopes, and dreams. The more things we try and goals we are bold enough to wish to achieve, the richer our data is about ourselves.

Today, I work as a Counselor and on a daily basis I ask my clients to trust the process and confront their fear of failure. I explain my approach to this word and we talk about "the worst thing that could happen" if they went after a goal of theirs. We also talk about "the best thing that could happen". Generally, after going for a goal, neither the best, nor the worst fear occurs and the client lands somewhere in the middle of the attainment of their goal. They also have richer data and information about themselves. And here is pride in going after something one once thought they could or should not. And that counts for a lot.

Last year I started a small business. And it was exciting. People asked me time and time again if I was scared of failing...and I felt that question was ridiculous. There was no way I could fail at doing something I loved and would do anyway. After starting this company, I ended up not losing everything I owned (the worst thing that could happen) and I also am not retired and living the good life in a tropical location (the best thing that could have happened). I landed somewhere in the middle. And I learned a lot of valuable INFORMATION about myself and about starting a business. This information and learning has been distributed to others...and they either started their own businesses...or decided to go after a goal of theirs. There was a ripple effect in my life when I went after this goal and dream of mine. And it most certainly was not a failure.

When I decided to be bold enough to look failure in the face: I realized it was not this scary and feared word that I once gave all of my power it to. It was my own face in the mirror staring back at me. When I started to love and accept myself, I let go of this word entirely and replaced it with a new word: Information. Because that is what you learn when you go after hopes and dreams and try new things.

Be bold. Do not give all of your power to one single word. Do not let others force their beliefs and power of this word on your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams deserve to be validated, and honored with the learning of new data. There is valuable information for you to learn about yourself. So go after what you want, see what happens, and take this new information about yourself and apply it to other hopes and dreams in other aspects of your life.

If you do decide to look failure in the face, you may notice your own face staring back at you. Love that face and accept it. I am here to tell you the road is less rough and the surroundings more beautiful after you accept the face of a person that has been with you this whole time.

Miss Oakley

It is Okay to Love Myself, Imperfections and All

Dear Diary on the Internet,

It has been a while and that is okay. Life gets busy. There has been a topic that I have been drawn to lately and want to get it out there, so here I go.

I am a woman of a certain age. An age where the pressure to hide this age is constant. It is plastered throughout the media in every avenue. Commercials tell me ways to be more beautiful, magazines show advertisements of products to mask my age, and the internet has every tip imaginable on how to look younger. The list goes on and on.

And it bothers me.

Why? Because I love who I am.

I love my imperfections and appreciate what my body is capable of doing. I feel beautiful.

This has not come naturally though. It has been a long journey to self-acceptance.

Throughout the years I have probably hated every single body part of mine and tried to do something to perfect it.

Here's a couple areas of myself where I always thought I would one day improve and therefore be perfect:

Up until my wedding I did not like my back. Then I started trying on wedding dresses and I started to like this back of mine for the first time. Why? Because my back has always had my back. Because it is strong. Because it is a part of me.

My nose was something I took issue with for years. When I was in my teens the big plan was to get a nose job. Then I realized that I have the same nose as my brothers. And if I changed it, it would make us different. So I decided to embrace it.  I have a great sense of smell and it gives me character. It's a good nose.

There is a gap in between my front teeth. I have had braces twice in my life. And closed the gap. And you know what? I didn't like it. Why? Because I did not look like myself. So I let the gap come back. And I love it. My teeth are healthy and strong. Without them, I would not be able to enjoy the great food that I eat every day.

Why am I telling you my imperfections? Because it has been a long road to get to this point and I am not going to let society tell me to change myself after I have worked so hard to love myself as is.

I am perfectly imperfect.

Society says I need to be vigilant about hiding my age and need to look youthful. And I find this absolutely insulting. Because I like my age and I like that I look older.

Why should I bend for society anyway? Society doesn't know me. I know me. And I like who I am.

In recent decisions to go against this model of perfection I am told I should be...I have decided to let my gray hair be and not cover it up.

This decision has not been supported by ONE other female in my life. And although it saddens me. These other women are not me. My responsibility for self-love is only towards myself. It is not my job to take ownership of what other people think of my decisions. My responsibility is to myself and to accept me. And I do.

I think the gray that is starting to show up in my hair is really beautiful. It is like natures natural highlights. And I am going to go with it.

The whole point of this post is that it has taken me decades to become comfortable in my own skin. And now that I am there, I will not let one other person let me think that I am not beautiful just because I am getting older.

It is also okay to love yourself as you are. Today, I am the best version of myself. Tomorrow I will be one day older, and I am going to choose to embrace what that brings. This is how I chose to think about life. And it has made living more enjoyable.

So I am going to go ahead and love myself. What is the worst that could happen?

Miss Oakley

Fix Your Food, Fix Your Health: An Overview of The AutoImmune Protocol (AIP), Paleo Diet, and Reflections of My Two Year Journey

Dear Readers,

A couple months ago, I did a 30 day trial of the AutoImmune Protocol Diet (or AIP.) A friend of mine decided to do it for health reasons and I did it along with her to support her. Additionally, I was curious if any of the foods that are restricted on AIP were triggers for me. I have been eating Paleo for about two years now. I'm allergic to dairy and gluten and they both caused many health issues. I did not know this, instead I thought I was very sick and had to be on numerous medications. Little did I know that it was my lifestyle and what I was eating that was making me sick. Paleo restricts both dairy and gluten and since following it I  am now off of approximately 12 different medications for various issues. I stick to Paleo because I have underlying conditions. It's not a "diet" for me. It's a healthy lifestyle and a way for me to manage my health without medications. I've healthier and feel better than...well, than ever. I have never felt this good on a consistent basis.

In the past I had been diagnosed and medicated for the following conditions:
Migraines
IBS
Cervical Cancer
Acid Reflux or GERD
Anxiety
Depression
Insomnia
Fibromyalgia
Lupus
Acne
Allergies
Asthma
A weird sweating disorder...And a bunch of other conditions I cannot remember off the top of my head.

Through lifestyle changes and a complete nutrition overhaul, I am now on ZERO medications and have NO health issues. This is first for me. I spent almost three decades being sick. I now am healthier and happier than I ever have been.

For Lifestyle Modifications I did the following:
Left a long-term relationship that was not working
Left a sales career that was very stressful
Went to Graduate School
Changed Careers
Started Exercising Daily
Quit Drinking Alcohol
Stopped Using Medications
Adopted a Paleo Diet
Found a Partner that Embraced my Lifestyle
Consistently Evaluated my choices to see if what I was doing, was actually working. This involved a lot of self-reflection and was a process.

This was not easy. But it has been worth it. That is my back story and what led me to try AIP for 30 days.

I am constantly "experimenting" on myself and this is yet another experiment.

My goal with AIP  was to try and see if I can heal any other remaining issues in my gut. That is what AIP is for. It is used to heal issues in the gut that are causing you autoimmune health issues. AIP is THE BEST diet for anything autoimmune you have going on. If you have symptoms of a "leaky gut" AIP may be for you! Here are leaky gut symptoms: (You can find the source at: 9 Signs You Have a Leaky Gut)
1. Digestive issues: gas, bloating, diarrhea, IBS
2. Seasonal allergies or asthma
3. Hormonal imbalances such as PMS or PCOS
4. Diagnosis of an autoimmune disease such as rheumatoid arthritis, Hashimoto's thyroiditis, Lupus, Psoriasis, or Celiac Disease
5. Diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue or Fibromyalgia
6. Mood issues such as Depression, Anxiety, ADD, or ADHD
7. Skin issues such as Acne, Rosacea, or Eczema
8. Diagnosis of Candida Overgrowth
9. Food allergies or food intolerance's

Any of these things look familiar? If so, read on.

Again, AIP is not a "diet" to lose weight. I have never and will never be on a diet.

AIP is a nutritional solution to fix medical conditions WITH FOOD, NOT MEDICATIONS. It's something you do when you have tried everything else and you want to feel better. And you want to do it without prescriptions and side effects from those medications that create new issues.

Also, it is important to state that I have gone from being dependent on doctors and medications...to now being dependent on myself. I. I also am off EVERY SINGLE ONE of my medications. And I did this alone, by experimenting on myself and not under the medical model. (Note: this is not for everyone. This worked for me and that I all I can attest to.) When I first drafted this, I had not seen a doctor for two years. I have since went in for a yearly physical and my doctor was astounded! She said I was a completely different person and asked me how I did it! So, I told her. She was shocked and could not believe I was not on ANY medications. I have since gotten my labs back and I am in perfect health thanks to my newly adopted lifestyle choices.

The last two years I have been following the Paleo diet. Again, it is not a "diet" to lose weight. It basically consists of foods that our ancestors ate. A lot of whole foods, good meats, and vegetables.

What is not allowed in Paleo: Grains, Dairy, Soy, Legumes, Processed Foods, Refined Oils, and Sugars. Basically all food that cause of a lot of medical conditions:

What is allowed: Delicious meats and vegetables/fruits.

If you ever consider going Paleo, focus on what you CAN have: wonderful foods. Not what you cannot have. That makes it feel restrictive and it's not. I have enjoyed delicious paleo foods for over two years and have had zero complaints.

Here is a food pyramid for Paleo:

AIP is still Paleo, just with some additional limitations. The limitations are due to health conditions that may be the culprit of certain restricted foods. Again, AIP is not a "diet" but a way to fix several autoimmune issues.

Here is what is included in AIP:

The difference between Paleo and AIP:

Eliminate Permanently	Eliminate for 30 Days and Reintroduce
Processed Food	Eggs
Refined Oils & Sugars	Nightshades (both vegetables and spices)
Grains	Nuts
Legumes	Seeds
Soy	Dairy

- See more at: http://www.phoenixhelix.com/2013/05/19/what-is-the-paleo-autoimmune-protocol/#sthash.JT8Afo2y.dpuf

In addition for 30 days you must avoid:
No alcohol (fine to use in cooking, but not to drink) 
No stevia 
Nothing that comes from a seed, which means no cocoa, coffee or seedbased spices 
No emulsifiers or thickeners (guar gum, carrageenan, etc) 
No NSAIDs – Caution: if you are taking NSAIDs to control the pain of autoimmune disease, do not stop taking them cold-turkey. 
Fruits Limit fruit to 2-5 servings per day. - 
See more at: http://www.phoenixhelix.com/2013/05/19/what-is-the-paleo-autoimmune-protocol/#sthash.JT8Afo2y.dpuf

To further reflect on the two year process up to this 30 day AIP challenge:
For the last year or two I also have not really drank. At all. And I have been eating healthy. 99% of the time I already follow a Paleo nutritional diet. The only times I have gone off Paleo were accidental (eating out, or eating someone else's cooking.) What I have found with this is that I now longer use the excuse of social obligations to binge eat or drink. Now, when I go to something, it is because I WANT to be there. It's not to serve a hidden agenda of mine. Yes, turning down drinks and fun food is sometimes hard. However, if I'm truly honest with myself: those things no longer serve my greater purpose. I no longer am attached. I have given myself permission to not drink. For the first year of my not drinking, I "fake drank" while with other people. And this felt in-genuine I also felt like a phony and that was living a double life. So in year 2 of not drinking: I started telling people that I no longer drink. And you know what?? They were okay with it. Why? Because I was okay with it. Not drinking is a personal choice and it has nothing to do with being Paleo or not. This is included because it has helped me along my journey. Also for AIP, alcohol is off limits. Which was fine with me, as I no longer drink.

That being said...

Here are my reflections at various times along my 30 day AIP Journey: Of note: I thought I would really miss eggs, chocolate and fruit. Below is a the diary I kept along the way:

One day in: This may be hard, even for someone that already eats Paleo. I have been off eggs and nuts for about a week already in preparation. I think I'm going to really miss tomatoes and mushrooms. Also, the above stated eggs and nuts. I think I'll really miss those guys. As long as I can have avocados I know I will be fine. My feeling is that "an avocado a day, keeps the doctor away."

Two days in: Spices can change things up in magnificent ways! I'm loving basil, garlic, and cinnamon right now.

Three days in: I have lost cravings for everything I thought I craved. I am now re-defining life. Everything is okay. Life is okay. I can do this. No longer do I want chocolate or even to sweeten things with stevia (my version of sugar.) Right now all I want is squash, vegetables, and good meat/seafood.

Six days in: We went to a wedding and I ended up bringing my own food. I suspected that there would not be any AIP foods available, and I was mostly right. Although the food they had looked delicious...so did my dinner that I brought. So as to not be rude, I went into the bathroom with my cooler and dumped my food onto my plate. And you know what? No one at my table cared. It was hard to pass up the delicious cupcakes, but I no longer crave anything really so it was fine.The girlfriend that I am doing AIP with, was also at the wedding and brought her own food as well. We were glad we kept to AIP and did not fall off track. I really do want to see how good I can feel and if I have any remaining issues with certain food groups.

One week in: I no longer have cravings for anything. Except squash. It's fall now and squash is very "in." Right now I am eating is for nourishment. I have been able to be more productive and can prioritize my wants versus my needs.

Week two: This was a really busy week. I had a conference, wedding, work, school, and workouts... and had to juggle all the areas of my life. I tried to plan as best that I could. My main goal was not to be hard on myself when I was put into situations that I could not control and therefore had to eat something that may have had a non-AIP spice on it. This was mainly at the conference and at the wedding. At the conference I had some chicken with a glaze on it and I'm not certain what was in the glaze. I tried eating in my car the food I brought, but I only had 3 minutes and couldn't chew it fast enough. Then at the wedding, I ate what I could that was AIP. However, again, you don't know what spices are used and how everything is cooked and prepared. Also, I was exhausted from the week before. So, I did the best I could and that is okay with me. I got a lot of things done this week, yet felt scattered. However, I did work out a lot and almost surprised myself with how much energy I had in the gym!

Week three: This week has started with me feeling exhausted. And that's due to both this AIP protocol and my busy life. I am okay with this. It is starting to get hard, but I'm dedicated to it. The first and second weeks for me were more of like an AIP honeymoon. Now, I'm more tired. However, I'm okay with being tired. There is an upside to this! For the last week I have been super focused at work and school. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired or what, but I am getting more things done. I am dedicated to AIP, because I feel like I owe it to myself to see how good I can feel. And I want to know for sure which food groups give me issues. Right now I am more task oriented and not so much fitness oriented. I may have pushed myself too far last week as far as exercise goes. So far this week, I have stuck to lighter workouts such as yoga and pilates. As I write this, the week is only half over, so we shall see what the rest of the week brings. 

Week four: I did it! 30 days are done! I didn't really miss any of my favorite foods, except eggs. That will be the first thing I add back in. Four week of no chocolate, what a first!! I have become more productive during my time with AIP. Now I am going to start adding in foods with the use of a food sensitivity tracker to see which foods give me issues.

Now after doing this for 30 days it is SUPER important that you re-introduce foods one at a time to really determine which food groups give you issues. I am a fan of technology, so I used this app: BulletProof Food Sense App This app tests your heart rate in the morning. Then before you eat meals you test again, and then at different increments after you eat. This gives you factual evidence as to what foods give you issues.

I am posting this a couple months after doing AIP and there are some foods that I just really never added back in: Nuts were one of them. They make me bloated. So I now eat them rarely and just a couple at a time. Also, I never really added tomatoes back in as they give me mild acid reflux. I eat them time to time, but before I ate them everyday and did not realize they caused me issues. I also now eat a lot less chocolate and fruit. I have them both on very rare occasions. I love chocolate, don't get me wrong, I just got used to not having it and sometimes forget about it! I have found that fruit has a lot of sugar and fructose in it and unless I lift heavy one day, I really don't have it. On average I will have 1-2 pieces of fruit a week.

I still to this day stick to Paleo. I am highly allergic to both dairy and gluten. Dairy causes severe inflammation, bloating, and acne for me. And gluten gives me migraines, makes me feel tired, and I get brain fog when I eat it. So, although I did this for 30 days, it is not something that I will need to do long term. If you are having any of the above autoimmune/leaky gut symptoms AIP may be something you need to try.

It is important to note that every single person is different. And that means a different diet. And although Paleo and AIP worked for me, they may not for you. Although, I think we all can agree that gluten overall is bad for just about every single person. There is a lot of conflicting information on the internet about AIP and  you know what? That's okay. The reasons it conflicts is because it is written by individuals with their own stories and their own unique needs. The most important step in the process is that you are willing to TRY SOMETHING NEW. You are willing to experiment on yourself. After all, you are worth it. Had I not done the AIP 30 day challenge, I would not have known that nuts make me bloated and tomatoes sometimes make me burp. It was worth it. Also, I have stopped eating as much fruit and chocolate and I have been able to lean up more. But, that is for another post.

Please let me know if you have questions! I post a lot of my Paleo meals on Instagram! You can find me at: http://instagram.com/myhealth_llc Also, I tweet health and wellness related information on twitter: https://twitter.com/MyHEALTH_llc

Had I not done this, I would have never known my trigger foods. Have you ever thought about how food is related to health?  Are there any food experiments that you have done? Are you sick of being sick and wondering if food has anything to do with it? If so, ask questions! Get curious! Your health is your business and you have the right to know have food impacts your health!

I have a couple other health self-experiments that I am going to share with you on the blog as well. So look forward to that!

Be Well,
Miss Oakley

Owner of My HEALTH, llc
Rehabilitation Counseling Graduate Student
Career Coach and Job Developer
Wellness and Health Enthusiast

A Journey Called Life

Dear Readers,

Life can sometimes be a wild ride. At times, it's an endurance test. It can be both beautiful and challenging. In short: life is a journey.

Journey's take time and they are comprised of trips, detours, maps, and can sometimes be a series of getting lost.

And that is okay.

Life is not about the final destination, but rather the journey that it takes to get there.

It takes both ups and downs to get through life. The downs make the ups more beautiful and rewarding. The ups make the downs bearable and worthy of getting up to face another day.

Your journey is unique and individual. No two people follow the same path.

There is a proverb that says "All roads lead to Rome."

And that is true.

Not every one will follow the same path to get to their final destination.

Your path at times may not be clear and you will have to fight through the dark to find your next step. And that also is okay.

Because life is unique to us all, so is our journey. It is therefore, counterproductive to compare your journey against that of another person. They are not on your path and have not lived your life. So why are you comparing yourself to them?

The only person you can compare yourself against is: the person you were yesterday. Strive to be better than you were the day before. Embrace your journey and own it as your own. You are unique and so is your path.

Miss Oakley
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Gratitude Changes Attitude: Ways to Practice Gratefulness

Dear Readers,  

                                             
Gratitude is a game changer to our perspective on life.

In life, the more grateful we are, the more it creates a positive outlook to our current situations.

It's all about how you look at things.

Life is 10% what happens to us, and 90% the attitude about what happens to us.

Charles R. Swindoll has said:
"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable think is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only think we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you. We are in charge of our attitudes." 

When you choose to be grateful about life and the experiences it gives you...your mindset begins to change. 

Practicing gratitude can be easy and very rewarding.

Ways to practice gratitude:

• Keep a small journal on you- write down the things you have to be grateful for on a daily basis in a notebook. On bad days, you may have to really look for things. It could be something as simple as: "I'm grateful for this pen and this paper, it gives me ways to express my joy of life." I have a friend who writes down rather comical things about her life in her gratitude journal. She is thankful in situations that may irritate others. Yet, she chooses to find the humor in her gratitude. It is the humor around the situation that gets her through unfortunate times. She often finds the funny in the unfunny. 
• If a pen and paper are not your style, you could keep a running list on the notepad of your phone/computer. That way, you could update your gratitude journal on the go. 
• You can also practice gratitude in the moment. If someone does something kind, make sure you honor their kindness by letting them know they are appreciated. Kindness in life is not required. Make sure the other person knows you recognized their efforts. A little goes a long way.
• Practicing gratitude can also be done for others that have not done anything for you. Like when it comes to volunteering. You can choose to give back because you are grateful for the things you have, when others have less. Volunteering is an extension of gratitude. 
• Mindful meditation is another way that you can express gratitude. I do this while hiking or going on walks. I don't take my phone with me, but rather stay present in the here and now. I appreciate the sounds of the birds tweeting, the smell of the grass, and the breeze in the air. I let negative thoughts float by me in my mind and focus on the good in the moment: The ground beneath my feet and the fact that I have the privilege to go on this walk. 

Numerous research has stated that our attitude and gratefulness is what gets us through the often tedious tasks of living life. Life throws a lot our way and it is important to have positive strategies to fight negativity. Even the negativity in our own minds.

When we practice gratitude it impacts our attitude on life. The more grateful we are, the more positive our attitudes will be. 

So go ahead, allow yourself to adopt an attitude of gratitude. Life is, in fact, all about perception. Perceive it with gratefulness. 

Miss Oakley

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On Twitter? Me too! https://twitter.com/MissOakley

There Is No "Normal"

Dear Readers,

"Normal" is a word that gets thrown around a lot. 

It's used to describe everything from relationships to what we have having for dinner.

It's also a word I strongly dislike.

The reasons for my dislike are many. Mainly, it is because using "normal" is yet another way we compare ourselves to our ideal of what is accepted in society. 

Also, there is nothing that is "normal." Everything, everyone, and every situation is unique.

Your definition of "normal" and the "normal" of another person could be completely different. 

For example: The "normal' work weeks of the following four people:

Person 1: works 40 hours a week, Monday through Friday. This is their normal.

Person 2: works 60 hours a week, 7 days a week. This is their normal.

Person 3: works 32 hours a week, on weekends only and at night. This is their normal.

Person 4: works part time at two jobs, hours and days vary. This is their normal.

Each person in the above example has their own "normal." Yet, their "normal" is not in line with any other person's.

Here is another example of a "normal" gym schedule for the following four people:

Person 1: Works out Mon, Wed, Fri after work. This is their normal.

Person 2: Does not work out, takes the stairs when they can. This is their normal.

Person 3: Works out twice a week. This is their normal.

Person 4: Works out every day in the morning. This is their normal.

What I am trying to get you to see, is that "normal" for one person, does not translate to "normal" to another person. "Normal", therefore, is an internal and personal definition. Not an outward one to judge ourselves against.

So, why do we then compare ourselves to other's "normal" when everyone's "normal" is different and unique to their situation??

My challenge to you is to re-define "normal." When you use it to define yourself, you are actually comparing and therefore, restricting yourself to the definition of what another person/society holds.

Society tries to make us fit into neat little "normal" boxes. And this just does not work. Humans are very unique and no two people are alike. 

I challenge you to stop and think about your use of the word "normal." When you find yourself using it...expand on your definition. What are you really trying to say by using the word "normal"? What does "normal" mean to you? 

I myself do not use the word "normal" at all. Ever. For any reason. Typing this post is the first time I've written/said it in years. To me, "normal" is restrictive and counterproductive to our growth. We do not move forward when we compare ourselves to self-imposed standards of society. In order to move forward we need to be our unique selves. And that comprises a variety of situations and life experiences. 

There is no "normal." There are only unique people in unique situations, dealing with the task of living life. 

Miss Oakley

Please feel free to share, comment, and ask questions!

On twitter? Me too! https://twitter.com/MissOakley

Get Ahead Over The Weekend

Dear Readers,

Weekends are wonderful. They give you a break from work and the cycle that is life.

They also are time where most people take a break from their usual habits and let loose.

And letting loose is great. In fact, it's natural and healthy.

Here's a suggestion: Let loose in a way that SUPPORTS you in your overall goals, and not take you further from them.

For example: If your goal is to lose weight or get a new job... hitting up the park for a hike or volunteering would be in support of those goals.

The weekend starts on Friday and ends Sunday. By my count that is three days out of a total of seven that comprises your week.

Three days therefore consists of 43% of your total time.

If you cheat yourself out of the weekend, you are cheating yourself out of 43% of your week. You have worked hard for the other 57%.

The weekend allows you to keep going and literally give it 100%.

This post is not to make you feel bad, but to point out that the weekends are a great time to let loose IN WAYS THAT SUPPORT YOU AND YOUR GOALS.

Forbes recently posted an article that stated that there are 14 ways that successful people get ahead over the weekend: Successful people:
1. Make Time for Family/Friends
2. Exercise
3. Pursue Passions
4. Vacation
5. Disconnect
6. Volunteer
7. Plan
8. Socialize
9. Be Artistic
10. Socialize
11. Network
12. Reflect
13. Meditate
14. Recharge

Link to the Forbes article here: http://www.forbes.com/sites/jacquelynsmith/2013/02/22/14-things-successful-people-do-on-weekends/2/

Do something that is in line with your overall life goals and do that instead of things that take you further from your goals. You are worth it! Give it 100% and you'll reach your goals in no time.

Miss Oakley

On Twitter? Me too! https://twitter.com/MissOakley

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Allow Yourself to Be Human: Replace "But" with "And"

Dear Readers,

Your self talk and how you see yourself has a direct impact on how you feel about yourself.

You will often hear people trying to validate why they did not do something. This validation is negative and extremely counterproductive.

Example: "I didn't go to the gym today, but I will tomorrow."

The "But" in that statement is where you fail yourself.
Not only are you:
1) Being too hard on yourself by
stating what you did not do.
2) You are setting yourself up for future failure by trying to immediately remedy the first statement by making empty promises in the following statement.

How many times have you said: "I didn't ______, but _____"??

MANY.

Here is the deal: IT'S OKAY THAT YOU DID NOT DO SOMETHING.

Unless you signed a contract with yourself or others: most goals are and should be flexible. Given the fact that life is chaotic and changes.

It's okay that you did not do something. However it's the "BUT" that is taking you further from your goal.

Instead, you could say: "I didn't____AND, that's okay. Tomorrow is a new day."

You aren't bashing and making false plans with yourself. You're allowing yourself to be human (and not be

the superman/woman you wish to be.)

AND THAT'S OKAY!

It's okay to not immediately remedy the situation. It's okay to not do something.

You are human and you are not expected to have a perfect day each and every single day. You also do not need to publicly state what you did not do to others. The world will not stop spinning if you didn't work out...or if you didn't answer all your emails at work...or you didn't finish all the laundry. It may be inconvenient that you did not do these things...but at the end of the day, the world will keep spinning.

When you say that you did not do something and then add a "BUT" onto it, it's damaging to how you see yourself. You are making yourself a failure, when you are not.

You are human. And you won't get everything done every single day. AND that's okay. Tomorrow is a new day.

Miss Oakley

Feel free to Share, Comment, And Ask Questions!

On Twitter? Me too! https://twitter.com/MissOakley

Toxic Relationships Suck Us Of Our Energy: Ways to Create Boundaries & Build Your Support System

Dear Readers,

I wanted to talk to you today about your relationships with others.

We all have that friend/family member/co-worker that is super negative. About everything. Nothing ever seems to go right for this person. And every time we are around this person it zaps us of our energy. You never walk away from a conversation with them and say, "Hey, I'm super energized right now! I think I should go and do something worthwhile!" No, you want to eat a sandwich and take a nap afterwards.

After being around negative people you often feel drained. You could even feel depressed.

Another symptom of being around these types of individuals, is that you start feeling negative yourself. You're energy is sucked from you and your outlook on life has diminished. Their negative outlook, is now yours. This is not good. 

This blog is to tell you: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE TO DO THIS TO YOURSELF.

You do not need to continue to engage with toxic individuals.

The first thing you need to do is to evaluate these negative relationships. What do you gain by being in them? How do they serve you?

If you find that you do not gain anything and that they do not serve you...take action to step away from these types of relationships.

In order to walk away, you will need to set personal boundaries. These are boundaries for YOU. Not the negative person. You need to decide what you will and will not put up with. Do not confuse boundaries for ultimatums. Boundaries are internal and personal. Ultimatums are threats and highly ineffective with toxic individuals.

Once you have set your own personal boundaries with this person(s), begin to look for ways to engage more in positive relationships that you already have.

Positive relationships are individuals who energize and support us. They are people that "get" us.

If you have found that you do not have many positive relationships, then go seek them out and start building a better support system. It will take effort or your part to get out there. This effort will be worth it in the end.

Positive people are everywhere. The problem is that negative people are often more needy and have taken up all of your time. 

Note: you may have to go outside of your friends, family, and co-workers to find this type of support. The best way to find it is by being involved in the things that make you happy.

Note #2: You may have to have different positive support people for different areas of your life.

The positive support person that you may have at work, may not be the same person you have to support you in your fitness goals.

It's okay to seek out  new relationships. Relationships do not have to come to us, we can go and find them. It's often necessary.

Give yourself permission to be supported by positive people. Once you are more supported in a positive way, you will no longer allow yourself to get sucked into your former negative relationships. Finding positive support may take some effort on your part. So, go out and find that support. You are worth it. Life it too short to have your energy sucked dry by toxic relationships.

Life throws a lot of things your way, it's up to you to create boundaries with negative individuals, and build up your own positive support system.

Miss Oakley

Feel free to ask questions, comment, and share!

On twitter?? Me too!! https://twitter.com/MissOakley