An Inside Look: The Process of Getting a New Girl Friend

Dear Readers,

Once again I feel the urge to share with you things that you never knew you wanted to know about.  I am compelled to get a dialog started about a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  It's almost never talked about.  It's kind of one-of-those-things-that-everyone-knows-but-nobody-wants-to-admit-it.  The proverbial elephant in the room if you will.  What am I talking about??  I'm talking about the process of getting a new girl friend.  The process a grown woman goes through to befriend another member of the similar gender.  This could also be referred to as "making a new friend."  I like to call it: New-Girl-Friend-Ing.  (It's catchy and it works).

I'm just going to be straight up with it.  It's hard to make new girl friends after a certain age.


That age being: Right now.  

It was so easy to make friends when I was seven...You were friends with whoever was in your class...or whoever you played with at recess...or whoever happened to be your neighbor.  No questions asked.  "Oh, you live next door??"  "Perfect. You shall be my friend."  Why will we be friends??  For reasons only being proximity based.  Nothing else.  No shared common interests or life long goals...Just hey...I'm bored, you're bored...I noticed you lived across the street.   Let's hang out for our entire childhood.

Fast forward to middle and high school...More processes are involved but still friendships are made by sharing proximity related events.  "Hey, we're both on the basketball team.  We shall be friends."  "Hey, your locker is next to mine.  Let's be friends for the next four years." "Hey, I noticed you are in my gym class and also forgot your gym shorts.  We shall be friends."  Ok, it was a little more involved than that...and often times a little more dramatic...But there never was a time where you ever ran out of potential new best friends.

Fast forward to college.  Super easy to make friends.  I think that's what they actually invented college for.  I haven't done all of the research on it...but I'm pretty sure on this one.  You could be friends with anyone for any reason.  Actually, you didn't have to have a reason.  You could just befriend anyone.  At any time.

Fast forward to now.  I'm thirty.  Not super easy to make friends.  Maybe this is just me, but hear me out...

Dudes, high-five to a sunset.

Girl/Girl friendships are much different than Guy/Guy friendships.  I have literally watched a grown man walk up to another grown man at the gym and say "What's up?"  After a short exchange of basically NOTHING one dude walks away with the other dude's phone number and they've decided to text each other and meet up over the weekend.  It was as easy as that:  "Hey, I'm at the gym and you're at the gym.  We shall be friends."  The two new guy friends high-five it out and BOOM friends forever.  If they really were into the new friendship they may even high-five Top Gun style.

Now, if I were to walk up to another girl at the gym...while she's doing lunges or something...and want to strike up a conversation...I would not have the same results.  I could never just walk up to another member of my gender and say "Hey, let's hang out this weekend.  Then maybe be new best friends."  It wouldn't go over well.  That's now how my gender operates folks.

Additionally...even if I were to do that... Most likely, that other girl already has her set number of girlfriends.  And there's not room in the club for any new members.  There isn't even a "waiting list".  

Now, it is important to note my extenuating circumstances (and therefore reasons that this process has been more personally difficult.)

• I live in a city where I am not from.  
• Actually, I live in a state where I'm not originally from.  
• None of my family live in the same state as I do.  
• I've also always had jobs where I worked from home and the only co-worker I saw on a daily basis was my own mug in the mirror.  For most of my professional career I traveled excessively.  Most of my free time was spent driving from one place to the next, on a plane, or in a hotel somewhere in say...Oklahoma.

As a female who traveled for my job it is not the best idea to announce to strangers that I was looking to make new friends.  So therefore, I crossed that particular friendship tactic off my list.

I realize that my case is an extreme example of how hard it is.  But I can't be alone in feeling this way.

I have since retired from that career and am in the midst of transitioning to something entirely different.  One that doesn't involve me being snowed in, alone, and trapped in Sioux City, Iowa for four straight days.

Anyway, all I'm saying is that it has been hard over the past several years to make new girl friends.

Since retiring from traveling for my job 24/7 and now going to Grad school full time instead... I have made it my point of trying to befriend other ladies.  And it has certainly been a learning experience.  Giving another girl my phone number...in hopes that she will call/text and want to someday hang out...IS TERRIFYING.

What if she never calls??
What happens when she never calls and I run into her at Target or something??
Do we just try and not make eye contact and pretend we don't see each other??
What if she actually DOES call/text??  What will we do??
When we do hang out how soon is too soon to introduce her to my friends?
What if I introduce her to my friends and they don't like her??
What if she doesn't like pets or early 90's rap music??  (An actual concern of mine...)

What if this??  What it that??  There's a lot of internal dialog going on in my head.

Here's the account of a New-Girl-Friend-ing situation that went down about a year ago:

There has been this girl that I've been acquaintances with for several years.  (We share a mutual friend).  I would see her at this mutual friend's Holiday parties every couple of years.  And that's how I knew her.  I knew her name and that she was friends with my friend.  And that we both sometimes attended this friends Holiday party.  That's really it.  Well last year, I took the plunge.  I decided it was going to be the year that I put myself out there and tried to plant the seed of a long lasting and beautiful friendship.  This was not an easy decision to come to...Yet, I knew it was now or never.

So after I got home from the mutual friends Holiday party.  I did some research.  And by "research" I mean I looked her up on Facebook.  After completion of my extensive research I decided to step off that cliff and sent a friend request.  I also decided to send her a message letting her know how much fun I had at the party with her...That would should hang out sometime....Oh, and here's my phone number...Should she happen to ever want to hang out.

Once I sent the message I immediately wanted to un-send the message.  But you can't un-send a message once it's been sent.

So I waited.

For months.

Four or Five months go by and I don't hear back from her.  I replay our conversation at the mutual friends holiday party over and over in my mind.  I question everything.  Was it something I said??  Was it something I did??  Was it the way I laugh really loud sometimes and then snort afterwards??  There was no way of knowing...

Then one day she messages me back and says "Yeah, we should totally hang out.  Here's my number.  Call me sometime.  Yay!!  New friend!!"  She actually said "Yay, New Friend!!"

THE JOY IN MY HEART THAT I FELT AT THAT EXACT MOMENT WAS ALMOST UNBEARABLE.

I was on the cusp of a new friendship and it felt amazing.  Pictures of us growing old together and watching re-runs of 90210 flashed in my mind.  MY HEART WAS RACING.  The friendship opportunities were limitless.  This could be the beginning of the most beautiful friendship in the history of friendship-dom.

I text her.  We hang out.

We hang out some more.

We've been hanging out ever since.

And our new friendship is a beautiful thing.  Nevermind that she's probably deleting my number right now as she's reading this.  The important thing was that I put myself out there and got a new girl friend.

The whole getting-a-new-girlfriend process is terrifying.  Almost more terrifying than dating.  Because when you date someone that most likely will be short lived.  But a new girl-friend is someone who you could potentially be friends with forever.  And the risk, dear readers, is worth it.  Isn't it??


Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• The process for making friends greatly changes as you get older.
• Guys make friends differently than girls do.
• I have a new girl friend.  

So I Ask You?
What are your thoughts on getting a new friend as you get older??  Do you think guys make friend easier than girls do??  Do you think I should stop blogging and get a life??

Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

"I Am From"

Dear Readers,

As all of you know (my mom, and the two friends that read this)...I'm back in school.  One day...three years from now I shall be a Rehabilitation Counselor.  For one of my Counseling classes this semester I had an assignment where I needed to write a poem about myself.  The poem needed to describe how my background contributed to the person I am today.  When I first read through this assignment I thought:  "This is going to be easy."  My second thought was: "There has to be some way I can incorporate Bone Thugz and Harmony into this thing."   I absolutely could not write a poem about my life and leave those guys out.  It would be a travesty.  

When I actually sat down to write it, I realized it was in fact not easy.  First of all, I couldn't remember the last time I wrote an actual poem.  Or, if I ever had.  Secondly, I had to summarize my life into this poem...in order to  make sense of why I am the way that I am (sidenote: that could be a book in itself).  I also had to be completely honest with myself.  So writing this took a lot longer that I thought it would.  It was tough.    

Naturally, in a class of future Therapists, we needed to share our poems and our correlated feelings to those poems.  So we had to read our poems aloud to our classmates and collectively reflect on our experiences.  It takes a lot to make me nervous...and reading my poem made me nervous.  I felt like I should of just worn a t-shirt that said:

"My Life Hasn't Been Perfect, And It Still Isn't Perfect, However I'm Giving This Thing Called Life My Best Shot".  (However, apparently no one makes those t-shirts...)  So I was on my own.  

What we learned from each other is that:  There wasn't a single person in that room that had had a perfect life.   Everyone's stories were different, unique, and imperfect.  And it was beautiful.  So in a room of twenty future Therapists we bared our souls, told our stories, and "Got Real". 

No worries...I'm not turning this blog into a place where I'm just posting my homework.  I do however want to keep myself accountable and grow as a person.  The only way I can do this is to put my life "out there".  That's why I started blogging in the first place.  When I am vulnerable things become clearer, and in turn I grow.  **Deep**  Also, true.

I know most of you want to read about really horrible dating mishaps, stories of my awkwardness, and borderline embarrassing follies....And trust me you will.  I have SO MUCH MATERIAL to work with.   Yet, today I had a moment where I had to "Get Real" with myself.  And I thought about this poem.  It's pretty real...so I thought I'd share.

“I Am From"

 I AM FROM…

I am from David and Debra, Horace and Cletha, Lamonte and Juanita.

From southwestern Missouri and rural Arkansas,

From a former booming manufacturing city and now a crime ridden land of inopportunity,

I am from a family of brothers.  From playing “kick the can” until it was dark out; to playing football in the yard.

From pizza lovers, peanut butter and jelly eaters, and a make-whatever-you-can-find in the fridge household,

From inconsistency, instability, humility, and often hilarity.   From a “fake it until you make it” attitude, a “laugh so you don’t cry” mentality.

I am from hard working, blue collared, factory workers.  From a family with the highest education being high school.

I am from the 80’s.  From the “Cosby Show”, hair bands, and acid-washed  jeans.

From a strict Baptist family; who eventually converted to less conservative Evangelicals.

From a family consisting entirely of Republicans.  From Reagan to George W. Bush.  I am the outsider.

I am from a pet loving family.  From dogs, cats, ducks, to bunnies; and once, a turtle found on the side of the road.

I am from an urban city, and yet, a rural school.  From high crime and gangs, to cornfields and tractors.

I am from Bone Thugz and Harmony, 2Pac, and the Notorious B.I.G.   From Bryan Adams to Richard Marx.

From missteps, to re-starts, and often utter ambiguousness.

My own path blazed out of a pure desire to succeed and yearning for something more.

From living life out of necessity; to living in truth and with purpose.

So there you have it.  That's where I'm from.

Where are you from??  Would Bone Thugz make it into your poem??  If not, who would?? 

Forever Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted to Know,

Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my profound thoughts throughout the day...Follow me on twitter @MissOakley

Transitions: From Miss to Ma'am

Dear Readers,


There is more information I feel I need to share with you.  As always, this is based on factual information and with much research.  The facts are my life and the research has be done by me...on myself.


I need to go to Target and get a couple things...(bananas, gum, moisturizer)...you know... important stuff.  


This post isn't about my shopping list.  I need to explain my thought process that compelled me to write this thing...


So I'm in my apartment making a shopping list...When BOOM I have a flashback of something that went down at Target a couple years ago.


Let me set the scene for you.


Here's an Outline of My Recollection of the Scenery:

• The Target:  the one on Mills Civic (in West Des Moines...Iowa).  It's a Super Target actually.  So you can literally get everything there.  food, kitty litter, a bedspread, a coordinating rug to the bedspread if so desired...etc.
• The Weather:  I remember I was wearing sweat pants.  So it could have been any day really.  Let's just say it the temperature was moderate that day.
• The Time:  I know it was at dusk.  I don't like driving in the dark.
• The Location:  The exact location was the check out line.
• My Haircut:  Horrible.  I'm just describing what I remember.  I had a horrible haircut, fact.
• My Age:  At the time I was 28. 

Now that I've set the scene, I need to tell you about the actual event that occurred.

Here's What Went Down at Target:
Me:  purchase important things such as bananas, gum, moisturizer...
Me:  Swipe debit card for payment
Teenage Checkout Boy with Recent Highlights and Clearly a Spray Tan:  "Uh, Ma'am do you want cash back?"
Me:  Looks at him blankly
Teenage Checkout Boy with Recent Highlights and Clearly a Spray tan: "Ma'am??"
Me:  Looks behind myself.
Me:  Looks around for this "Ma'am" he's talking to.
Me:  Realizes that I am the "Ma'am".
Me:  Heart sinks knowing my days of being referred to as "Miss" are numbered.
Me:  "No, thank you.  I don't need any cash back."  I would however would like you to take that comment back. (Which I didn't say...but I thought it...LOUDLY...in my head though...but still it was loud.)


**It is important to note that this was the first time I have ever been referred to as "Ma'am".  Up until this point I had always been "Miss"...


I keep my act together like the adult that I am and go out to my car.  I then talk myself out any type of emotional theatrics.  I crank up Snoop Dogg in my car and drive home.

I'm ok until I get home...up until I got to into the bathroom.  I was putting away the Target stuff...Then...I glanced at myself in the mirror on the way out:

What I had a glimpse of was a 28 year old me...with a wicked bad haircut.

Then it turned into a One-Way-Ticket-To-Cry-Town.  No stops, no layovers

I BOO-HOO it up.  I start cried like it was my job.

(I would like to point out that I rarely ever cry...however, I realize that a lot my posts involve me crying....On a regular day the only thing that makes me cry are those ASPCA commercials with the sad looking dogs...Other than that, I'm pretty solid.)


So I'm crying like it's nobody's business.  I'm home alone, so who cares.


This will be just between me and the mirror.  


Then...I hear the garage door open....Which meant my former domestic partner was now home. 


He walks into the house expecting to encounter a rational person.

He does not.

Here's What He Finds:
He finds me in the bathroom.  I have my face two inches from the mirror and I'm crying like no other.  My first words to him were:
Me:  "Do you still think I'm a Miss??"
Former Domestic Partner:  Has no idea what I'm talking about.
Me:  "DO I LOOK LIKE A MISS OR A MA'AM??"  
Former Domestic Partner:  Shakes his head with disbelief and with knowing exactly what went down, "Oh no...What now...Who called you a Ma'am?  Tell me what happened."


I tell him what happened.  He laughs.  And to make me feel better he says, "You realize you are crying about some teenage boy that probably needed a work permit to even get a job there...that called you ma'am instead of miss right?"  He does not get the seriousness of the situation. He has no idea what the Miss-to-Ma'am transition is like.  Guys don't have to deal with this. 


I then call all my friends and ask them if they've been called "Ma'am"??  They too, had experienced this atrocity. 


So I've been in the transition of going from "Miss" to "Ma'am" for a couple years now.  I successfully went from the whole Girl-to-Miss thing...So I think can do this


So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• Obviously, I'm still letting all this settle in.  I mean c'mon...I named this blog "Observations by MISS Oakley".  I wasn't going to call it "Observations by a Former Miss and Now a Ma'am, Oh and My Last Name is Oakley."  It didn't feel right. 
• Transitioning from Miss to "Ma'am" is a turning point in a woman's life.  Hallmark should make a card to mark the event.
• I need to go to Target and get some things.

So I ask you:  (If you are female) Has this ever happened to you??  How did it make you feel?  (If you are male) Have you ever called a lady "Ma'am" without thought to whether or not she may be in fact a "Miss"?? Should Hallmark make a card to recognize such milestones in life such as the "Miss to Ma'am" transition??


Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...
          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Real Talk: Pajama Jeans

Dear Readers,

More invaluable information I feel must be shared...

So, I'm watching the news last night and it started giving me a "Case of the Sads."  I feel like sometimes the media tries to"Out-Sad" us as consumers.  They start off with a sad story...Only to follow it with a story more sad than the first.

For a while there, I stopped watching the news altogether.  The actual news news (on TV).  I still got my info, but I turned to a different source.  That was when I started my love affair with Twitter.  It's been a beautiful relationship ever since.

Ok, so back to my reason for this post...Last night the news was sadding-me-out.  I feel that as a society we aren't discussing the real issues at hand!  We should be taking about Pajama Jeans and we're not.

The other night in class, a friend and I were talking about Pajama Jeans.  How we got on the subject, we will never know.  The class is on Disability Policy (so I'm pretty sure Pajama Jeans were not on topic).  At any rate, this is what we talked about after class.  Between the two of us we could not come up with a conclusion on the subject.  We left it open to interpretation and further discussion.

We, as a country, need to come up with some sort of unified agreement on the subject.  A treaty of sorts.  We need to come to some sort of a decision on this as a society.  Come on, the election is coming up next year...We need to know where we stand on the real issues.  This is going to turn into a full blow crisis if not addressed.  


So I'm just going to put it out there and do what needs to be done.  We need to have some open dialog and discussion about the issue at hand.  


So let's get into it:

REAL TALK:  Pajama Jeans

Are they a Do or are they a Don't??  (I know most of you are screaming in your head that this is clearly a DON'T)...

Hear me out on this one.

As with any major decision we need to weight our options and do a Cost-Benefit analysis.  I went ahead and did this for us.  This is sound data.  I interviewed myself and asked myself some tough questions.  So the Cost-Benefit analysis is pretty much factual.

Benefits to Pajama Jeans (as I see them..):

1. They look super comfortable.
2. Pajama's are soft and friendly.  
3. Who doesn't like pajama's??  (Seriously, WHO...I want names) 
4. Who doesn't like jeans??
5. I'd wear pajama's all day if society said I could.  

Costs to Pajama Jeans:

1. They look ridiculous.
2. They even sound ridiculous.
3. Have we gone so far as a society that we need to combine two great things??  Can't we leave well enough alone?
4. It's not socially acceptable to be a full grown adult and show up to places in your PJ's.  This feeling may transfer over to the PJ Jeans.  There could be some sort of potential political fall out as a result.
5. Didn't we do this last year with the Jegging??

Now, I like jeans.  A lot.  I have a bunch of them.  However, if I had to decide between wearing pajama's 24/7 or jeans 24/7...I'd pick the PJ's.

So that brings us back to the:  "The Pajama-Jean-Situation-of-2011."  I feel like it's a lot like      
"The-Jegging-Crisis-of-2010" all over again.

Before we collectively as a society make our final decision.  Let us look at the facts:

And the facts happen to be this You Tube infomercial and a picture I took at Walmart the other day.

Picture taken by yours truly at WalMart

So I ask you...Could you get away wearing these things??  I'm not talking every day.  But let's say you wake up late, you're rushing, and can't find an outfit to wear...All your clothes are dirty...The only options you have left is between your old prom dress/suit, a soccer uniform from high school, your swim suit, and the Pajama Jeans.  Could you or could you not...under these circumstances...put on a pair of Pajama Jeans and be seen in public??  

I don't know as a society, where we should stand on this issue.  We need to have an official vote or something.  Some sort of conclusion.  If not, I'm going to suggest that this whole thing be a Ballot Proposition in the upcoming Iowa Caucus.

So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• We need to do some REAL TALK and get down to the real issues.
• There are both Costs and Benefits to the Pajama Jean.
• "The-Pajama-Jean-Situation-of-2011" will turn into a full blown crisis if not discussed as a society.

So I ask you:  Where do you stand on this issue?  Are you for or against?  And what is your reasoning for the basis of your decision?  Do you believe that we are in fact on the verge of a crisis situation ??



Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

Stuff I Do to Get the Stinkin Out of My Thinkin

Dear Readers,

Have you ever had one of those days where you were just kind of down??  Have you ever woken up and said to yourself:  "WHAT??!  I have to do this mess all over again today??!!"

Well, recently I had one of these days.  There was a whole lot of "Stinkin Thinkin" going on.  I was having a "Case of the Sads" (this is what I call unhappiness...Not a diagnosable term...nor one I will ever use as a future Counselor).  At any rate, I was engulfed in a cloud of negative energy...AKA...Stinkin Thinkin". 


I called one of my girlfriends.  You know that friend that always has something positive to say??  And will listen to your ridiculousness??  If you don't' have a friend like this.  You need to get one.  Go all out and get a couple of them while you're at it.

So, I call my girlfriend and I state my grievencess.  Which at the time seemed highly important...however, now I can not recall.  Anyway, while speaking with above stated awesome girlfriend of mine.  I had an idea.  I said, "Friend, I think I know what needs to be done."  Friend says, "What now?"  I replied, "I need to get all up in the backseat of my car and find my CD case."  Friend, "Oh no."  Me:  "Oh yeah.  It's Jock Jams time!"  Then I go into song and sing a couple excerpts.  Which I'm sure she loved.


Actually, this friend of mine deserves a metal or something.  At least a certificate of some sort.  The things she sometimes has to listen to...are....well...worthy of an award.


Should you ever happen to get into a friendship-situation with me...you'll understand the need for a parade in your honor.  


Anyway, so I'm digging around in the backseat of my car looking for my CD case...


Ok, cool out kids...I know what you're thinking....You're thinking:  :  "Is Miss Oakley stuck in 1992??  Does she not know about ipods ??"  


The answer to to cool-kid-crowd is:  YES.  I'm well aware.  In fact, I fully embrace technology.  I just could never get rid of my vast CD collection.  And by "vast" I mean a couple of 2Pac CD's, some self-made Big Pun Remixes, and some random dance CD's...and for some reason a Jock Jams CD.


Why do I have a Jock Jams CD.  Was I??:
A)  A total athlete in high school.  


OR...


B) Do I happen to love borderline questionable music??


You pick.

Either way, I have a CD from their collection.  


So I find my CD.  But since it is fact, not 1992...I needed to find a way to play the thing.  Yeah, I could have used my computer...but I wanted to get into the whole spirit of the thing...


I called my girlfriend back just to check and make sure she didn't happen to have a boombox sitting around somewhere.  Turns out, she did not.


Mainly, I just wanted to get old school and do something a little like this:

After some thinking I realized I had one out in my garage.  I have everything in there.  (Sidenote:  should you ever need some random piece of sporting equipment, a couple boxes of "Cialis" pens, or a couch...I'm your gal.)

I find my boombox.  I realize how ridiculous I looked carrying that thing into my place.  I didn't care.  All I wanted to do was quit my stinkin thinkin and jam out.

Cut to an hour later...

Turns out, Jock Jams weren't how I remember them.  Every song just reminded me of my high school basketball team.  And I was repeatedly reminded of my complete nonathletic.

So then I decide to take a trip down memory lane and go through some of my old high school pictures...

Cut to two hours later...

After a full review I concluded that:  There was no possible way that I would ever make it in the WNBA.  In summary, I once made a break away steal...then scored for the other team.  Whatever, I had a pair of Jordans...I should have been an awesome basketball player right??  


Evidence....

I'm #13 (because I'm lucky like that)

So the Jock Jams CD didn't improve my mood.  However, once I took a step back at the situation...and LITERALLY looked at what I was doing:

• Digging around in my car for a CD from '92.
• Finding an old boombox in my garage.
• Looking at old high school pics.
• Blasting "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan....I realized the humor in the whole situation

I shut the Jock Jams off...turned on some legit music...Big Pun specifically...and got on with my day.

I cut out the "Stinkin thinkin"and said goodbye to my "Case of the Sads".  I was completely cured.


So Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn:

• I carry a collection of questionable taste of music in my car.
• Jock Jams may not be the cure for a "Case of the Sads".
• I am in fact not a good basketball player.  
• Big Pun is the bomb.

Do you ever have days like this??  The last time you had a "Case of the Sads" what did you do??  How do you get the Stinkin out of your Thinkin??


Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,
Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed.
 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.
 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

An Open Letter to Bruno Mars/Society As A Whole

Dear Readers,

I feel compelled to share something with you today that you never knew you wanted to know.  You do not need to know the song I'm talking about...or even who Bruno Mars is.  You don't even have to like pop music to understand what I'm about to talk about.


What I would like to discuss today are the nonsensical songs/lyrics that I've heard recently.  Apparently anyone can sing about anything.  No questions asked.


Well I'm asking questions.

The song "Grenade" (by Bruno Mars) came out a while ago, but I still feel the need to share why this song concerns me.  


When it first came out, I liked it.  It had a catchy tune and I found myself singing along to it whenever it came on.  Then one day, after hearing it 300 times in a row...I stopped singing along.  Why did I stop??  I actually listened to the lyrics.


For whatever reason, the 300th time I heard this song I realized how invalid the whole concept of the song was.


I think part off this is my age.  I used to sing along with everything and never questioned the validity of a song's lyrics.  As I get older, I become more and more concerned as to the lack of thought that is put into the lyrics of pop songs.  (That doesn't keep me from listening though.)


For example:  There's this song out by Chris Brown/New Boyz called "Better With the Lights Off."  Basically, he's telling ladies that  they are more attractive in the dark.  When I heard this song for the first time, I was aghast.  Who does he think he is??!!  I spent some time researching (jacking around on the Internet) to try and get to the bottom of this.  I thought maybe I was hearing it wrong or possibly misinterpreting it...But then I came across the video for it...And no, they are in fact signing about women being better looking with the lights off.  I wanted to analyze the lyrics to this song on my blog...but it's a family audience and this isn't the place.  I thought about posting the video...but then I think that would somehow promote it.  So I'm just going to ignore the whole song altogether.  And you should too.  


What I did post (see below) is the video for "Grenade".  Just in case you somehow forgot it or have been living in a bunker in Antarctica for the last year.

And now on to the lyrical break down of "Grenade":
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Grenade":  By Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go  
So far so good.

That's just how you live, oh Take, take, take it all
Take what?

But you never give  
We don't know what she took in the first place, so how could we know what she should give??

Should've known you was trouble.  From the first kiss
Well if you knew she was trouble right from the start...then why didn't you bounce and get out of there??

 Had your eyes wide open.  Why were they open?  
Yeah, why were they open?

[Bridge]
Gave you all I had  
Why would you do that?! It sounds like you barely know this girl!  it's a little premature to be giving some girl you hardly know all your belongings.

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, you did
Maybe she didn't have room at her place for all of your stuff?  Did you think of that?

To give me all your love.  Is all I ever asked
That's kind of a lot to ask from a girl that just threw away all your gear.  You might be jumping the gun on this one.

Cause what you don't understand Is

[Chorus]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Where are you and your girl hanging out at that you're having grenades thrown at you??  This doesn't sound like a place you'd take a date.

Throw my hand on a blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
A blade??  What do you mean A BLADE?!  Like one of those Chinese throwing stars??  This is turning into a Ninja situation.

I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
The train industry really isn't booming right now.  Plus there are a ton of signs that indicate there is a train about to come and or that there are tracks in the area.  Throwing yourself in front of a train is unnecessary and unwarranted.  

You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Would you??  Would you meet her entire family and spend the holidays with them??  Would you go purse shopping with her??  What about antiquing??  Would you do that??

 I would go through all this pain
There seems to be a lack of trust and some boundary issues going on in this relationship.  Most of this stuff you brought upon yourself.  So I'm honestly questioning your displaced blame here.

Take a bullet straight through my brain
Alright, seriously.  Where are you guys hanging out at??  You should not bring your boo to places where they are shooting at you.  That's not date material.  Ladies, If your dude is taking you out to places where you could potentially be shot...You need to re-evaluate your relationship.  This may not be the one for you.  

Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
Dude, she threw all your stuff away.  I highly doubt she's gonna take one for the team.  

No, no, no, no


Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Ok, someone needs to alert the authorities.  Clearly, this has now turned into a Domestic violence kind of situation. 

Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from
Wow, telling you're girl she's evil probably isn't going to get you any brownie points.  

Mad woman, bad woman
That's just what you are
This really isn't helping your cause Bruno.  I would have gone a different route if I was you at this point in the song.

Yeah, you smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
Seriously, the situation is now unsafe.  Why are you taking grenades for a girl who is ripping the breaks out of your car??  

[Bridge]
Gave you all I had
We already talked about this.  Why are you giving her all of your stuff?  You just said she's trying to rip the breaks out of your car.  This doesn't make sense.  If someone is trying to kill you, the last thing you should be doing is giving them all of your stuff.  The only thing you should be giving her is a piece of your mind.  Or a restraining order.

And you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash, yes you did

What do you expect??  She obviously doesn't respect you if she's throwing all your gear away.   

To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand
Is
What I don't understand is...THIS ENTIRE SONG.  It makes no sense.  The two of you do not like one another.  You shouldn't be together.  This song should have ended.  The police should be there by now assessing the situation...

But no...there's more grenades and blades being thrown...

[Chorus]
I'd catch a grenade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you have any military experience?  Because only someone with that type of experience should be catching grenades.  I'm no expert on the military.  But I'm certain that your average cat on the street has no business catching a grenade.

Throw my hand on the blade for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Alright, so you're either a Ninja that is having Chinese throwing starts thrown at you...Or you're a Chef.  A chef who likes to chop vegetables...and that is willing...for whatever reason...to throw his hand on top of a knife for his Boo.  I'm going to  go with Ninja...Only because of the Chinese stars.  


I'd jump in front of a train for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
What kind of train?  Are we talking Choo-Choo train?  Or are we talking Amtrak?  I guess you could also be talking about the El or the Subway.  But they make it really really hard for you to throw yourself in front of one of those things.  It would have to be a rare accident if that were to ever happen.  Trains/subways are clearly marked and monitored.  So I still think a "train" is just a poor choice for a mode of transportation to throw yourself in front of...to show your girl what she means to you.  If you really wanted to be brave you'd throw yourself in front of a horse or a bull or something.  Just get stampeded to death.  That would show her. 

You know I'd do anything for you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
We get it.  You'd do a lot of things.  Most of which are impossible and therefore invalid.

I would go through all this pain
What's painful...is this song.  You should read...and then interpret the lyrics to your own song.  Now that's pain son.

Take a bullet straight through my brain
Clearly, you're not hanging out at the right places.  Which might be why she's throwing all your stuff away.

Yes, I would die for you, baby
But you won't do the same
Neither one of you should be dying!  You're on a date!  Go to an Applebees or something!!


If my body was on fire.  You would watch me burn down in flames
Again, where are you taking this girl??  A war zone??  If you're body is on fire the best thing to do is stop, drop, and roll.  I think we all learned this in first grade.

You said you loved me, you're a liar
Cause you never ever ever did, baby
I think at one point she may have loved you...but then you started taking her to places where grenades and blades were being thrown at her.  Call me a hopeless romantic, but that's just not the ideal date location.  You could of taken her anywhere.  But you are picking spots where she's getting shot at.  I've been on a couple of bad dates myself, but this one...takes the prize.  

Alright and then there's more singing about grenades, pain, and how she wouldn't take a bullet for him... You know...the regular love song stuff.

I'm not going to review the rest of the song.  It would be redundant and I think we all get the point.  

But, darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you
Throw my hand on the blade for you
I'd jump in front of a train for you
You know I'd do anything for you

I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same

No, you won't do the same
You wouldn't do the same
Ooh, you'd never do the same
Oh, no no no

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Let's Reflect:  What Did We Learn?

• Lyrically speaking this song is weak.  If you took his words literally then it is entirely nonsensical.  Now I have nothing against Bruno Mars, or pop music...I actually love really bad pop music...but my questionable taste in music isn't what we are discussing here.... I am seriously questioning the lyrical validity of songs being put out today.  
• If you are going to be catching grenades, you probably should have some sort of military experience.
• Do not give someone you hardly know, all of your belongings.

So, I Ask You?
Am I just getting older?  Or do you think music is becoming increasingly lyrically unauthentic??  Should we be listening to this stuff??  Is it your belief that you probably shouldn't give someone you barely know all of your stuff??

Forever, Blogging About Things You Never Knew You Wanted to Know,

 Miss Oakley

 **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed. 

 **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

 **Should you wish to read more of my completely profound thoughts throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley

That-One-Time-I-Proposed

Dear Readers,

There's something I'd like to share.  I had totally forgotten about it.  Until today.  Strangely, it was Kim Kardashian who made me remember this story.  When she announced her divorce, it naturally got me thinking about weddings and what not.  And out of nowhere I recall:  That-One-Time-I-Proposed

So as I'm taking a trip down memory lane...and remembering this whole fiasco.....                            
 I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME.

I've actually never really told anyone about this.  Not that I didn't want to.  But because I've done so many borderline awkward things that this one incident got lost in the shuffle.

**Here's the part where I take a step back from the story...to reflect...and get real...**
If you haven't noticed/or are a new reader...I'm a big fan of publicly outing myself with what could be considered social humiliation. However, I don't see it this way.  I like to live my life like an open book.  And why write a book if you don't want anyone to read it??   Like I've said, writing is very thereaputic for me and gives me an outlet to process and reflect.  So here I go...processing and reflecting...

The Story of the Proposal was a while back.  Seven years ago??   I want to say I was 23?  Possibly 2004??  I can't remember.  I could do some research and give you an exact date, but for purposes of who-really-cares-get-on-with-the-story-will-you...Let's just go with 23.

Alright, so I was 23.  Just a young Miss Oakley.  It was about two years out of college.  I had been living in Des Moines (Iowa), but due to a recent change in my life situation...had moved back to Ames to move in with my Former Domestic Partner.

I shall refer to my Former Domestic Partner as my:  FDP.  A couple reasons for the acronym:

1. I like to make up my own acronyms.  I find this entertaining.  
2. We were together for a super long time, yet not married.  And since I'm an adult, I do not refer to anyone I've dated as my "boyfriend".  The last time I had a boyfriend I was 12.  So I always called him my Domestic Partner.  
3. Mainly, I just like making up stuff.  So that's why I like acronyms.  Go with it.

Ok, so my Former Domestic Partner (FDP) and I had been together for about a year.  Probably longer, but seriously I can't remember so let's just say a year.  We decided to join households and move in together.  Gasp, I know.  Don't tell my Grandma.  Actually, she knew and could of given a hoot.  She was just happy someone was actually willingly living with me...

I digress.

So this young man is willingly living with me in the lovely city of Ames, Iowa  Ames, Iowa is home to Iowa State University (go Cyclones)...And also where both myself and my FDP graduated from. Ames is actually a cute little town.  Should you ever happen to be in the middle of Iowa for some reason...you should check it out...

Anyway...

For reasons unknown, one day I decide it was time for us to declare our situation to the world and therefore I needed to propose.

Proposals and magical and wonderful and full of rainbows and giggles right??  Not this particular proposal.  There were no giggles.  And I didn't see one rainbow or unicorn.    

Before I go into what went down you will first need some background information.  Every college has some sort of tradition/story/myth.  One of these stories is the "Story of Lake LaVerne".  Basically the story says that if you and your significant other walk around Lake LaVerne in complete silence, three times...the two of you are destined to be together forever.  Which has led to a lot of proposals going down near Lake LaVerne.  Mine being one of them.




(Should you want to read more about Iowa State traditions you can read this article from the Iowa State Daily newspaper.)


At any rate, so it was at Lake LaVerne, where I chose to have the whole thing go down.

It was fall of 2004 (I think it was 2004...I'm pretty sure it was 2004).  Ok, a couple things I know for certain:  a) It was fall  b) I was young.

Since I wanted to do it at Lake LaVerne I had to find a way to get him there.  We lived probably 5 miles away.  So for a couple days I heavily hinted that I wanted to go for a walk to feed Sir Lancelot and Elaine...Lancelot and Elaine are the names two geese that live on Lake LaVerne.  


He wasn't catching my hints.  The FDP kept saying things such as:

• "Why do you want to go and feed those two geese??"  
• "Just throw some bread crumbs out our front door...It's the same thing."
• "Geese probably don't eat bread."
• "Are you sure it's even legal to feed them?? "

Well one day, randomly, after much hinting...he came home and announced he was now ready to take the walk.  I think he said something like:  "Hurry up, let's go feed the dumb geese so you'll stop talking about them and then we'll hit the gym."  Actually, that's not what he said.  But it's my blog and that's what I'm saying he said.  

On this particular day I had decided I wasn't going to shower.  Or wear clothes that matched.  I worked from a home office and there was a very loose dress code policy that day.  It was an "As Is" day.  Basically, I was a mess and not in any kind of condition for a proposal.  But it was my only chance.

So I took it.  I grabbed a loaf of bread and we were on our way.

We get to Lake LaVerne, park the car, and start walking.  It is then that I ask him if he's ever heard the Lake LaVerne story?  

NO, he does not recall the story.

I tell the story.

We walk hand in hand throwing bread crumbs at some ducks.

I start to cry as  I get down on one knee.  

And things went a little bit like this:

FDP:  "What are you doing??  Why are you on the ground?!"

Me:  I state sentiments of  love.

FDP:  Still has no idea what is going on.  "Seriously what are you doing??"  Keeps throwing bread crumbs             

Me:  More sentiments of love.  I start to cry.

FDP:  ** His hand hits something in the bag of bread crumbs**

          He cries out "Yuck there's a bunch of mold in here!!"

          He throws what he thinks is mold out of the bag.

Reality:  It wasn't mold he was throwing.  It was an engagement ring.  

   

Me:  "It's not mold!  It's a ring!!  I'm trying to ask you to marry me!!"

FDP:  "Why??!!"

Me:  "Because I love you??"  Still crying.

FDP:  Stands there with the bag of bread crumbs giving me a stare of disbelief combined with bewilderment.  Then says, "WATCH OUT!  RUN!!"  

Me:  I Turn around and see Lancelot coming straight at me...He's trying to bite me!!

We:  Run

Me:  "I didn't know geese were so hostile!!"  (Still running)

FDP: "They're probably mad that we are invading their area."  (More running)

We:  Finally lose them and stop running.

Reality:  It could of been either Lancelot or Elaine that came after me.  There's no way of knowing. My point is that one of them didn't like us all up in their business and tried to bite me.

FDP:  Turns to me and says "Are you being serious??  Are you seriously proposing?!"

Me:  "Yeah, I got us matching rings."

FDP:  "WHAT??!!"  "WHERE??!!"

Me:  "The mall."

FDP:  "WHEN??"

Me:  "Today?"

FDP:  "NO!!"

Me:  "Yeah."

FDP:  "You're seriously serious??  You went to the mall today and got us matching rings."

Me:  "Exactly."

FDP:  "NO.  YOU CAN NOT DO THIS TO ME."

Me:  "Do what?"

FDP:  "You're taking away my rights as a man."

Me: "Uh, what?  You have man-rights?"

FDP:  "Yeah.  Proposing is my right.  And you can't take it from me.  I'm all for you being independent and letting you do your own thing.  But this is something that you're not doing.  I'm the guy.  I propose.  You seriously got the rings at the mall?  In Ames??"

Me:  "Yes, at the mall in Ames."

FDP:  "How much??"

Me:  I tell him

FDP:  Flips a gasket then says "No, you're not getting a cheap ring.  When you get a ring it's going to be a nice one.  Do you even know how to look for a ring??  You can't just go and pick one out and take it home.  It's a process.  You're going to return the rings.  Where are they?"

Me:  "Well one of them is still in the bag of bread you're holding.  The other one you threw out thinking it was mold...before the geese chased us."

We:  Go back to the scene of the crime and find the ring that he threw.

We:  Drive in silence on the way home.

Me:  I go into our closet to cry.  (We had a studio apartment and it was all open...so in order to be alone I either had to be in the bathroom or in the closet.)

FDP:  "When you're done crying in the closet, you need to go and return those rings."

Me:  I return rings the next day.  Sales guy says "Didn't work out huh?"

Me:  To the Sales guy, "I envisioned it happening differently.  In summary, a goose tried to bite me and I ended up crying in the closet."  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So my proposal didn't go down how I thought it would.  I then decided the best thing to do would be to date the FDP for another 5 years.  

Although, I never got a ring of my own.  I did one year get a waffle iron for Christmas.  And that dear loyal readers, is a gift that keeps on giving.  

Correction:  Lancelot and Elaine are SWANS and not GEESE.  I just now realized this.


So Let's Reflect:  What did we learn?

1. I did not see one unicorn the whole time I was proposing.
2. Geese apparently like to bite.
3. If you ever need some time alone, your closet is always a good place to go.
4. Waffles are delicious.

What are your thoughts??  Is proposing a "male-right"?  Have you ever seen a unicorn??  Do you feel like your closet is a good place to go for some solace??  Do you believe that waffles are in fact delicious??

 Forever, Blogging About Things I Feel You Should Know,

      Miss Oakley

      **Comments are welcome & no judgement will be passed. 

      **As with everything I write, Feel Free to Share.

      **Should you wish to read more of my nonsense throughout the day...

          Follow my twitter account @MissOakley