You Are Worth It

The universe gave me many signs that I needed to address the topic of "worth" as it relates to healing, health, life goals, and overall just being a human.

Probably the biggest point of resistance I get to someone on the fence about hiring a "coach" is either their belief or someone in their life believing that they are not really worth spending money or time on.

This is so true when it comes to those in the "helping" profession, natural helpers, and women in general. The people that put others first. These types put their health and goals last and ultimately pay the price. A lifetime of putting others first adds up. Eventually everyone in their life is used to them just giving and end up taking even more. Their cup is empty and they do not have a drop left to pour for themselves at the end of the day.

When it comes to healing and health a HUGE component of transformation is just the belief that you are worth it. This is a hard task when life has thrown you nothing but curve-balls. You start to believe this is all that is out there. When you are in the midst of a health crisis or just not feeling the best, it's tough enough just trying to get through the day. Much less leading a life that is vibrant and thriving.

In terms of life goals, most people just settle for the known and safe path. They want something better for themselves but are too busy trying to stay afloat. You can't build a boat if you are drowning. So they muster along and never pursue their passions. Never start up that business they always wanted or stay in a career that crushes their soul.

The game of being a human is sometimes really really hard. There isn't a class on how to live and no one ever teaches you how to do life when it gets hard. No one hands you a road map and says, here's the steps to get out of this really tough and hard spot.

But what if there was another way? What if there was a service out there that did give you a really individualized plan for how to make changes, showed you that you are worth it, gave you the tools to heal, and worked with you to radically transform your life?

I'm here to tell you that there is. This is what I do on the side as a business and for fun every day. It first starts with the belief that you are worth it. And if you can't get there on your own, we can team up and work together until you believe in you. For years I have been doing this for individuals, groups, couples, families, and organizations. Message me if you are on the fence and have the slightest hint of a thought that you are worth and want more from your health, career, or life.

-The Paleo Counselor- thepaleocounselor@gmail.com

Facilitating Change is the Name of the Game

It is like the saying goes, sleep when the baby sleeps. Blog when the baby blogs. I miss blogging but there are only so many hours in the day and days in the week. Between my full-time gig, owning my own business, raising an independent toddler, managing autoimmune conditions, hitting the gym on the regular- I'm busy. It doesn't matter though. No one cares about my excuses and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I am going.

Where am I going? Well I a glad you have asked! (Okay, no one asked but since you are still reading, I'll tell you.)

2018 will be my FIFTH year of running a side business. Did you know that Iowa ranks DEAD LAST in the number of women-owned businesses? How sad is that? Women, if you want to start up your own thing and do what you have always dreamed of doing- hit me up. It is not rocket science. But it is also not for the faint of heart. You will make mistakes, you will need to adjust your sails often, and you will absolutely have to get out of your comfort zone. Oh, and you'll hustle- HARD.

The first two years I was in business for me-myself-and I, I did it through contracts and providing services for other businesses. Things they needed done and I could competently do. I really did not talk a whole lot about what I did as I was too busy doing. Truthfully, I have not shared much of what I have done on the side for 5 years, so here we go. I'm going to talk below about where I am been and where I am going. Keep reading if your are interested. And if you have time, keep reading even if you are NOT interested.

The first two years was disability, career coaching, and assistive technology focused. Or things that I still do to this day at my full-time job. I assisted individuals with disabilities, chronic mental health conditions, and barriers to employment obtain paid competitive and integrated employment. Not to get to much into the weeds here, but it is work that is worth doing. There are so many individuals with disabilities out there that need a fair shot and assistance with getting a job that will lead to a career. Unfortunately, there are a ton of stigmas that society and businesses hold that makes it even harder for them. This is where I enter, like the 80's Kool-Aid Man, I busted down (proverbial) walls to assist with my clients to obtain employment. Again, I still do this to this day, full-time. All day, every day. Advocacy is my jam.

The other major contract I held was with the Veteran's Administration. And that contract was dope. I worked with Veteran's across the land use assistive technology devices to have full access to their community. I loved doing this as assistive technology is also my background and it was dope to be able to train a Veteran's device and go to the gym with him. Something he missed doing and gave him a sense of hope. Also he was able to get out and about in the community- which is important for all humans. I had to let this contract go as it is was a conflict of interest. It happens.

Other big things I did the first couple of years was taking on an corporate wellness contract. I worked with one of the largest non-profits in Iowa and the U.S. This was very eye opening and something I look to continue to do. Organizations that take it upon themselves to provide their employees with wellness coaching services get it. Healthier employees are longer-lasting employees and cost a lot less to insure. It's the ultimate win-win.

Public speaking is another thing that I do often for both my full-time job and with my company. I have spoken all over the US and trained tens of thousands of people of various things across my career. When I was in college I vowed to get good at public speaking: since no-one ever wanted to do it, and I figured I'd always have a job if I was willing to do what most others will not. That could basically sum up my entire career: doing things others do not want to do in order for job security. I've spoken and presented to Drake University Graduate Students and shared all of my story. Even the parts I have not publicly spoken out about (that's for the book that is in the works.) With this I have shown how to work within the medical model for best results, as well as, with holistic practitioners to get to the root cause. Those who know me well know that I will never shut up about things I believe and am passionate about. So I'll keep on talking.

Over the length of my life, I seem to be defined not by what I have done, but what I do when things get really really hard. Between beating cancer, completely changing my career path after a series of lay-offs, finding love after a decade of being with someone who could not take the next step, and bio-hacking my way back from a huge autoimmune flare postpartum- I have found that I have grit, am resilient, and am full of humor and hope. These are good characteristics to have in both having your own business, as well as, coaching others through hard things. I get adversity. I get hard. I never ever give up. These are very good things to have in order to coach others.

The last few years I have taken a step back from going full-force into my own business to get my own health on track. And with two years of research, advocating my tail-feathers off, and willing to do anything and everything, I am making a comeback. I have found my root causes (more on that later-that's a whole blog post in itself) and am and have been back it the saddle and starting to market more of what I do.

With this two-year long flare, I have focused on individual health and life coaching, along with an online group format. In addition, to honor my spiritual side, I've become a non-denominational Ordained Minister- for those who want to do marriage their way. I got married in my own unique way, and others should have the chance to do that as well, if that is their style. Everyone is very different and I am honoring that with offering non-traditional weddings and vow renewals.

Individual coaching is what I get asked to do most often. There is a huge array of things I work with others on. My approach is to partner together and to facilitate the change that the person is wanting for their life. This could be drastic weight loss. Or to get their hormones balanced and have a healthy baby. Or change careers and do something they are passionate about. To learn to advocate with their family, friends, and their medical community for understanding and care. To get to the root cause of their medical conditions. To find themselves so they can find their partner. To push people beyond everything that they have tried in order to get to where they want to go. I am good at this- I do this all day, every day. And I will not feel bad about saying I do this well. I love puzzling over people, figuring out where they are stuck and presenting them opportunities to grow.

Group work is something that I love to do, is very effective, and I do often. I have done this with many groups in person, families, and now online with those wanting a combination of health/life coaching. The group model works well it and it is something I will continue to do online and in person (when the opportunity presents itself.) Learning from me is great- learning from others going through it-invaluable!

My approach to life and health coaching is very unique and holistic. I am a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor by training- so I meet everyone where they are at and know that everyone brings their own unique circumstances to the table. So that means I do not have a one-size-fits-all approach. I also have dealt with so many set-backs personally, that I really do relate to those that I work with. I never have and never will ask someone to do something I have not done or will not do. With all that being said, I am not for everyone. If you are not willing to work or make changes and want a quick band-aid fix, that is not me. That will not get you to where you need to go and honestly, it will make me look like a terrible coach. So I do pre-screen and assess everyone that I work with. If you are ready to live your best life, then I am here to facilitate change. If you want to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass you by, I am not the one for you. I work with those ready and willing to change.

Soon I hope to do some re-branding and get my website back up. Right now I am stuck on my new and re-branded company name. I'm getting closer and luckily I have a marketing background or else this would be something I need major help with. As always, I am open for suggestions though! Until my website is up, I'll blog here. Stay tuned. Or don't. Either way, I will keep going. Okay, I need to go meal-prep, workout, and do laundry- while the baby sleeps.

-SM

Perfection

Hi, Readers!

It has been a minute since I last penned a blog. Or, about two years.

I've been wanting to write, but kept waiting until the perfect moment. When things were right and I was healed and everything went back to what I once knew as normal.

The postpartum period did not go as anticipated. I knew it would be rough, but you cannot really anticipate what you don't know.

Labor was hard, long, and traumatic. It set off a cascade of events in which were out of my control. And I got sick. And then sicker. Diagnosis after diagnosis and treatment for this, that, and the other. It is hard to write, when you are in the weeds and just trying to muster up the strength to slap a smile on your face to get through the day.

So I waited for my normal to return. And then it didn't come. It may not come. When multiple autoimmune disease surface and show themselves after calmly brewing under the surface; it isn't a quick fix.

I tried and tried to make a comeback, to be what I once was. The sails were adjusted, I shifted, and shifted, and shifted more. Nothing worked. And then it became apparent something was very wrong. The anger set it and I sat with it. Looked at it. How could I do everything right, and have it go so wrong?

Anger is a tricky thing. You cannot ignore it. For a while I pretended it wasn't there, shoved it to the back of my mental closet and locked the door. Until I couldn't anymore. And once I admitted it it allowed for grief to set it and wash over. I bathed in it. To have my world rocked, was nothing new. My life seems to be defined by hardship and trials. Things I never asked for often have a way of seeking me out at times I least expect them to.

There is a lot of work that goes into pretending things are fine when you're in the midst of a mess. So I let go. And I decided something. To shift my focus off of perfect. Away from my normal and the possibility of bouncing back. I embraced the yuck and the pain. Leaned into it. Rolled around in the mud with pain, with anger.

Once I allowed myself to grieve, to give myself permission to be upset, a weight was lifted. It was then that I knew that what once, may never return. And that it was okay that I am not well. I let go of all of my expectations and what I thought I wanted for my life. In the midst of my mess, I started telling my story. And backed away slowly, but surely from those that do not and cannot understand what I am dealing with. For there are so many other beautiful souls struggling that welcomed me into their tribe with open arms.

To accept to wait and sit with grief was the kindest thing I could have ever done for myself. Patience is kindness. I am not healed or okay. I am not waiting for that perfect day to come.  I'm holding on and shifting my focus to the long game. For the imperfect. To doing life however I need to. To boldly live imperfectly and with pain most days that would bring the strongest person to their knees. And on those days, I have learned to pause. To be grateful.

This has been a beautiful nightmare. Chronic illness is such a gift. There is so much to be learned here. The level of empathy I have in all areas of my life is limitless. To fall, has been a blessing in disguise. I have slowed down. I'm present. I'm doing the hard work to start to heal. Superficial things are non-issues. My faith, my family, my health are what matters. Everything else is now just white noise.

It has been such a process to get here. To accept my anger and let go of what I thought I set up for myself. I did everything right. It went terribly wrong. I grieved over things I thought would be and let go of all of it.

Telling my story is freeing. It is also very hard to be vulnerable. Others judge what they don't know and force their own beliefs on you. But this isn't about them. My journey has been handed to me for reasons I am still learning. And I have been making a conscious effort to slow down, embrace my body, accept that I am not in charge. I am both not in charge and also taking ultimate responsibility for my health and attitude as I continue to adjust to living with chronic illness. I have decided to not wait until things are perfect. To live with flair, while being in the midst of a flare.

Waiting for a perfect is very unfair. What if I was perfect? What if flaws and all, I still am perfect? The universe is showing me what I need to learn. It is not my choice how I'm being shown these lesson's, but they are lesson's nonetheless. My focus has shifted, the act has been dropped. I've gotten out of my own way and have cried all of the tears. Mourning who I was, loving who I am, and looking forward to finding who I will become.

While unanticipated, motherhood and chronic illness has broken me open. Here I am, perfectly imperfect. And it is okay. Perfection looks different to me now.

Getting My House In Order

Coping skills are neat. They are what get us through life. And being a new mom, I have found that I needed to add to my coping skills in this new and foreign land of motherhood.

At my postpartum check-in with my midwife a couple weeks ago a realization was made: I have temporarily lost my go-to coping skill of intense exercise due to childbirth. She validated my experience as to how hard coping can be for mom's who use exercise for stress relief. I could have hugged her for this insight. It was simple and so true. I had lost one of my major coping skills for the time being. And while I mourned the loss of my favorite hobby, lifting heavy. (R.I.P. Weight belts and chalk). I did realize that there are many other ways to deal with stress and life changes. I just needed to tap into different areas of self-care.

Being a counselor and just a solution-oriented person overall, I made a list of things to try and do to add to my basket of coping and self-care. Meditation was one of them.

Up until this point, I have only practiced mindful walking meditation in nature. I love being surrounded by nature and being lost in its presence. However, I live in Iowa and it is winter. I do not want to be outside and lost anywhere right now.

So my husband told me about an app, Headspace, and encouraged me to use it. Well, he actually has been talking about this app for over a year and I never really got to try it out or to make a habit out of meditating. But with being a new mom, I became even more open to trying something other than getting poop in my hair or baby barf in my mouth (actually happened.) And I started to meditate slowly...when I had time. Which was about once per week at the beginning. And it was hard to take the time when a tiny person was dependent on me for everything. As well as, being exhausted on top of it. When forced with the decision to sit in stillness with my thoughts, or to check social media and space out...it was easy to pick spacing out. Because watching cute videos of puppies are always more fun than sitting with your own crazy thoughts. Right? I have since started making more time to meditate. And I am learning a lot about myself. Is this easy to do with a new baby? No. But I am grateful to have started a meditation practice. Research says that after six hours of meditation your brain starts to change. I have not yet reached six hours, but the changes are already present. So I will definitely keep this up.

Along with meditating, I added several other skills to my bucket of calm. One major change was journaling. For myself. Not this blog, but actual pen to paper. And I love it. Journaling has been something over the course of my life that I keep coming back to. I have books filled with my thoughts dating back to grade school in my basement. My husband has been instructed to either burn or publish them when I die. (I'm undecided if everyone or no one should read them.) At any rate, there is nothing like getting the crap out of my head and onto paper first thing in the day. Then I do not have to think about it, because it's out there.

The other fun self-care practice I recently added has been yoga. I have always liked yoga, but during pregnancy it did not speak to me. At all. I did not want to stretch and get into poses with a giant wiggly basketball that danced on my bladder. Not even the prenatal yoga. Stretching, yes. But not yoga. So I stepped away from it. I'm now two and a half months postpartum and have been wrestling with the fact that I cannot lift heavy due to parts of my body needing to repair and recover before moving forward. This is very hard for me. To sit, be patient, and wait. I want to lift up a car, sweat until it hurts, and get weird in the gym. Seriously. I had grand ideas of what I would be doing athletically this year. And I am not giving up on those goals, it's just that I am making peace with what is. And still yearning for exercise, I looked to yoga again. Being on maternity leave with a small mini me makes it hard to hit up a yoga class. And quite honestly, I do not want to go to a standard yoga class as I want to focus on specific areas of my body that still need to heal. As well as, spend time with this amazing kid. So I found some yoga channels on YouTube designed for the postpartum phase. And it has been wonderful. Yoga is very humbling and has meditative qualities. It's something I can do until I'm old and obnoxious and there is reason I have come back to it. And P.S. how great is YouTube?? Cat videos for DAYS.

With these newly implemented coping strategies (plus several others) added to my motherhood toolbox, I have noticed something. On the days that I take care of myself and take the time for self-care,  I am more at ease with everything. I'm also a better mom when I take care of me.

As a side-effect of making time for me, I have started to clean and get really organized? Now the thing to note here is that I am not a cleaner. I am more of the creative type and "have to be in the mood" to clean. Am I the type to start a company or a blog...yes. But will I always clean my bathroom on a Thursday because that is cleaning day? No. Absolutely not. But lately, I am cleaning and organizing. And I really attribute that to the emptying of the clutter out of my brain with journaling, meditation, and yoga. I am literally cleaning up my surroundings along with my thoughts. (It could also be that I am now a mom and I have to be organized, otherwise this whole thing is going to be a disaster.) Who knows. All I know is that I am feeling more clear-headed and my house is starting to get in order. STARTING being the key word here. I'm still me and right now my bathroom is dirty. But I typed up a blog entry. So baby steps, right?

Mom Jeans

My Daughter, My Teacher

I'm about 2 and half months into being a new mom. And I have to say, motherhood has really shuffled my deck of cards. Never have I been so introspective and mindful in my life. It has challenged and changed me as a person. I'm truly in a process of becoming. And knowing that I do not know everything. And never will. Could that be the point of this whole human experience?

Motherhood has been so many different things. My soul has awakened and yet my spirit is at times, exhausted.

Through my daughter, I am learning so much. She has been the tiniest of teachers, with me being her frazzled pupil. She is so present and in awe of the world and this has made me more aware of what I am doing, how I am spending my time. Always watching and learning from me. It's quite the responsibility.

While at the same time, just balancing keeping it all together. And knowing now that this does not have be perfect.

I'm starting to become a better person through my child. More empathetic towards the human condition. I have made amends for things I did not know previously, while also feeling connected to other mothers and my community as a whole. My tribe is expanding in ways I never imagined.

This all sounds kind of over the top, but I truly am in the midst of a transformation. I'm awake and yet exhausted all at the same time. Full of love and frustration at once.

I could write an extensive list of things she has shown me to be true. But I'm choosing to let the feelings flow and continue to grow and expand, day by day. For now it is best to not define what is happening and allowing the process to unfold itself. Perfect in its imperfection.

My daughter, my teacher. I'm learning from her, through her each day.

Mom Jeans

Silly Self Expectations

Prior to becoming pregnant I got healthy. And worked out. For years. Then last Valentine's Day we made a tiny human. And my goal was to continue staying healthy and continue to exercise while pregnant. It was super easy to workout for 41 weeks and 2 days with a tiny human inside my tummy. Or, I'm kidding and there were days that even I wondered what was I doing.

To the surprise of even me, I worked out until the day I went into labor. And even during labor I squatted and well, that was the biggest workout of our lives. For everyone involved. So naturally I thought I would bounce right back and be back in the gym ASAP. Seriously. There was a part of me that thought I might be back to lifting a week postpartum. How outrageous is that? 

Obviously, I had no idea how one feels after labor and what the postpartum period involved. To be honest, I did not think about it all that much and just like anything else, knew I would figure it out/wing it. 

Color me surprised when I was NOT in the gym one week postpartum. What I was doing one week postpartum was: sweating up a storm, crying intermittently, barely making it up a flight of stairs, peeing my pants, and at one point my husband had to take both MY and our child's diaper to the trash. That's the reality. Is that too much for the internet? I don't know/care. It's the truth. 

So no, I kind of had no idea what this process would be like. 

After two weeks of not sleeping, I did go back to the gym. And yes, it was way too soon. But I did start sleeping from there on out. So it did the trick.

For me, working out is more than just looking a certain way or fitting into my pants. Although, I do enjoy fitting into pants that do not involve elastic. Working out is an active meditation. It's my happy place. Do I enjoy the act of working out? No, not really. I do enjoy how I FEEL afterwards. And I have never regretted a workout. 

As a Counselor and a person who intensely feels things in this world I need a healthy outlet. Some of the things I deal with at my job are pretty unbelievable. And some of the things I have experienced in my life have been...traumatic. So years ago, I picked working out as my outlet. And well, it works. It's how I deal with tough stuff. And now it's just a habit. A GOOD habit. 

The postpartum period has been hard for reasons that it should be hard for: I am caring for a cute tiny person who totally depends on me and also: I have no idea what I'm doing. Additionally, recovering from a natural labor is nothing to joke about. Although I do joke about it. Because why not? It was the hardest and yet the most beautiful experience of my life. And there were funny parts. 

Here I am eight weeks postpartum and still trying to figure out how to be a mom and also how to fit in working out. As a Rehabilitation Counselor, one of my jams is to find solutions to complex situations. So while there were days when I doubted I'd find the rhythm to the beat of the newborn daily drama...I'm figuring it out. Slowly. And imperfectly. Very imperfectly. She is still alive and I have pants on. So I am calling it a win. 

Enter, at-home workouts. Getting to the gym at this point is well, still too early to make it a priority. (I go when I can...which has been just a handful of times at this point). I'm still recovering anyway- as boring as it is, I should probably repair the abs that have separated and my pelvic floor BEFORE throwing around heavy weights for fun. 

Looking at my options, I have learned there are a lot of things I can do at home. And at first I wasn't into the idea or process of working out at home. However, now I really like it and yesterday found myself looking forward to it? As with all things in my life, I keep it creative and go with the flow. That's what has made working out at home fun. And when I can involve my mini in a workout- I do. She's always watching and being a good role model on all levels, even with fitness, is important.

Do I still have wild aspirations of doing my first powerlifting competition this year? Yes. Will it happen? I do not know. Do I sort of want to try out a cross fit gym? Yes. Will it happen? Probably. Maybe. Who knows. If it does not, I will live. I will also figure it out. I've always liked a challenge and this new mom-thing is definitely that. 

The point is that my original self-expectations were silly. No, I did not hit a PR one week after having a baby. But at the same time, I have never done this before so of course I did not know what to expect. And that's okay. It's natural not to know something that you have never done before. And none of the actual stuff you deal with being a new mom is in any book. You figure it out and do the best you can. 

This tiny cute human is teaching me so much about life. About lifting. About happiness and what it means to live in this world of wild.

Until I Remember To Blog Again,

Mom Jeans

Keeping It 100

Carving out time to workout with a newborn is an art I'm learning. Today's workout took 2+ hours and rest breaks included two feedings, a cuddle/dance session, smiles, and screaming. The actual workout was NOT two hours, if I had to guess...maybe 40 minutes total? Who knows. It's hard to tell. And it doesn't matter. 

The mini is in a growth spurt and I'm getting creative with at home workouts. I'm learning to go with the flow and let her do her thing.

My hair hasn't been washed in a while and I may have started working out in my pjs. Am I mad I didn't make it to the gym today? No way. She's only little for so long and well, the mini makes an excellent 10 lb weight. She loves to workout with me. Which makes sense because she did it for 41 weeks and 2 days in mommy's tummy.

Okay, I'm out. 

Keep it 100,

Mom Jeans